Can I tell you something honestly here? I have been praying about this blog a lot. I even fasted over it and what God really wants to do with it. I don’t want to spend too much time on the internet, however, I know the internet can be a GREAT resource for reaching others and meeting up with people when they have the time and when I have the time.
My recent prayers have included that God would increase the traffic on my blog if He wanted me to keep plugging away and use this as a ministry tool in my life.
A funny thing has happened. Nothing major or mind-blowing, but this week I had a hit from someone in Russia, and another day someone in the UK. And, I’ve had three different bloggers (whom I don’t know in the least and have VERY popular, I’m talking hundreds and thousands of followers) found my blog and “liked” a post.
Like I said, that is only a total of 5 new faces, which isn’t anything to get all crazed up about, however, it sparked my attention.
So, I started checking into these people and wondered how they might have mysteriously happened to land on my page.
To my amazement, I clicked on one of the names and up pops this blog that CAPTIVATED me from the second I started reading. There are a lot of blogs out there that are SO good, I mean RICHLY WORTH READING, but this blog… God had a divine appointment in mind for me. He took my prayer, answered it, but answered it in a way that was NOT what I was expecting and yet was so much more than I could have hoped to happen.
I have spent three days diving around through all the archives. And you should too. There is so much wisdom and real life in these pages and words!
I have come a REALLY long way in my marriage. Like I have posted before, so much mental and spiritual maturity has transformed my heart, I barely recognize the person I was years ago. I might even be so bold to share with you that I have taken some pride in the changes I’ve made and feel good about my growth.
And yet, reading this blog challenged me and convicted me deeply on areas where I hadn’t even seen the depth of just how unholy my walk still is in certain areas of my marriage and has shaken my core to the point of not possibly letting it stay with just head knowledge.
I’m going to share a clip of one of the posts here:
******** PEACEFULWIFE’S MATERIAL **********
OUR OLD WAY OF DEALING WITH CONFLICT
(I really do not enjoy sharing the spiritual “before” pictures of myself. But I know that it must be done. I pray that God might use my awful sin from earlier in our marriage to bring great glory to Himself. He alone changed my heart, life and marriage. And I thank Him every day!)
I would tell my husband what to do and he would often ignore me. Usually, I wanted him to do something about whatever the issue was RIGHT THEN. I was VERY impatient.
I knew I was “right”. So I would insist on my way and demand that he do what I wanted… And he would ignore me more. Usually, he’d watch tv and just keep looking at it and act like I wasn’t even in the room. So I would increase the volume more and start to feel VERY angry. I would NOT drop the issue – EVER.
Sometimes I would wait for an answer – you know – all of 5 minutes. Then I would demand an answer. And he would continue to ignore me. I would emotionally and verbally blow up.
Sometimes I would wait up to 30 minutes – on my SUPER “godly” days – sitting there impatiently scowling at him the whole time, watching the minutes tick by on the clock, angry that he wouldn’t JUST TELL ME what his answer was! What was so hard about that? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HIM?????? He had no communication skills at all, right? I thought he would know what he thought immediately like I did. And if I had refused to answer someone after more than about 30 seconds, it would mean I was the most unloving person on the planet. So I was sure my husband was extremely unloving and really needed God to FIX him!
Then I would get REALLY ANGRY and say something about how ridiculous it was that he couldn’t even give me an answer to a simple question (in a scolding mama tone of voice) – and I had waited ALL THAT TIME. And I would storm off full of anger, baffled, hurt, confused and convinced that HE NEEDED TO CHANGE. Look at what an unloving, difficult man I had to live with! He was IMPOSSIBLE!
Then he would stay shut down and I would fume and the entire day would be ruined.
The whole time, my husband was protecting himself from and reacting to MY disrespect. I didn’t see it at all. It’s hard for me to fathom now how blind I was then. But there is NO WAY I would treat my husband like that now that I can see the damage and destruction I was causing!
WHAT WE DO NOW
I believe I am obligated to my husband to share my perspective, feelings and desires with him in a respectful way. He needs my input. I can’t just turn off my brain and force him to handle everything alone. That is not a godly marriage!
I don’t tell him everything I think like I used to. I used to constantly run a stream of dialogue about every thought in my head and everything I thought we needed to do and should do about every situation. It was all up to me to get things to work out properly, after all!
Where words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. Proverbs 10:19
I have learned to prioritize and only tell him things that are truly important if there is a decision to be made. I give him more of my “bottom line” (maybe about 5% of what I used to say about issues and emotions). God taught me to restrain my tongue and have discretion and wisdom. I was sorely lacking in those areas in the past! I don’t drown him in an ocean of negative emotions or flood him with thousands of words (especially emotionally charged negative words) all at once for an hour or two at a time anymore.
I get to talk as much as I want to now. We have really deep discussions every single day. Now, I don’t even THINK all those constant thoughts about what we really need to do about X,Y and Z or a lot of negative or disrespectful thoughts. God has changed my heart.
I know that my husband is a man and I need to tailor my communication so that he can best hear me. And he actually hears my heart MUCH more clearly and cares about my feelings so much more than he did before.
Sometimes with men, less is more when it comes to communication. Less intensity, less negative emotions, less volume and a lesser quantity of words.
I am flexible and at peace now because I trust God and my husband to work things out for my good – even if my husband makes a mistake. I know I can’t lose! I know God is working through each situation in His sovereignty on my behalf for my benefit with wisdom far beyond my own. I know He knows what is ahead and I don’t. So I trust Him to use each decision my husband makes for my good and His glory. I can have peace no matter how things turn out because I trust God’s sovereignty over my life, my husband and our family.
I do not get attached to the outcome of decisions. I do not make the issue the priority. I cling to Jesus and to my husband, not to the issues.
To read the entire post: PLEASE CLICK HERE
I am positive when I say, you will not be disappointed spending the day (or upcoming weeks) thumbing through the wisdom pouring out of this blog. There are so many areas that I’m sure, you’ll find yourself in there somewhere- or have a friend who needs to check this out!
GET OVER TO A PEACEFULWIFE’S BLOG NOW and start reading.
And join me in the challenge to go beyond letting your mind be filled with knowledge and your eyes be open to a depth of insight from the Holy Spirit that may even be counter-cultural to the world’s thinking, and lets start putting this gift into practice in our marriages fully.