I’ll just get right to it. Sometimes we, humans of both genders, refuse to help each other because we’ve attempted to before, and all we hear is negative feedback the entire time.
When we’re accustom to doing something numerous times, we tend to build an impression that our way is the RIGHT way, and not only the right way, the BEST way, and not only the best way, the ONLY way worth doing it.
When men and women come together in marriage, they bring habits from the way they were raised.
This can range from the “right” way to fold the towels or put the dishes in the strainer or dishwasher, to how to mow the yard or how often to get an oil change.
Let me be real clear here, two folds, three folds or four folds in a towel is so irrelevant that if you’ve allowed a fight to happen in your marriage over it, you need a smack up side the head and a more clear view at the bigger picture. (And hey, I’ve been there!)
The fact that your spouse is willing to contribute to helping around the house, which is a service to you, is SO much more important that the towels being folded “your way.”
Just like the dishes being stacked backwards in the strainer is far less important than being stuck in the kitchen all night cleaning up by yourself. We grew up washing dishes, RARELY being allowed to run the dish washer, and I have some pretty deep-rooted ideas of exactly the right way to wash dishes. You don’t let the water run, you stack the dishes in the second sink so you aren’t constantly turning water on and off to rinse each item individually before stacking them in the strainer, you wash in order, silverware, cups, plates, bowls and then pots and pans….oh I could go on! Let me tell you, my husband doesn’t do ANY THING, not even ONE thing the way I do. And the first couple times, it irritated me to my core. WHY? Because I have WAY, YES WAY too much pride about being right. His way is not wrong. It’s different. Not wrong. And it created the end result I wanted, clean dishes and help so I wasn’t in the kitchen all night long by myself every night.
I noticed last week that my husband showed me the same grace. I helped him do some mudding in the bathroom remodel project. It took me a LONG time to work on a small section. I really wanted it to be perfect and not need much sanding. He did 85% of the room in the amount of time it took me to do 15%. He didn’t correct me, talk down to me, try to step in and show me how to do it better… he just let me do my part and appreciated that I was trying to help.
Are there any areas where my spouse has tried to help me and I was so critical about his/her way that they never even usually help me in that area anymore even when I ask them?
Do I have some pride to swallow and some apologizing to do for treating my way as if it is the ONLY RIGHT and BEST way?
How can I show some more grace and appreciation for the help in my life, even if it isn’t the way I would do it myself? Thank you goes a REALLY, REALLY long way!