Make me feel Beautiful!

21 May

I find it interesting that when you talk to any male who has a moral conviction about strippers, hookers and the like, they say things like “how can they let themselves be used like that?  Don’t they feel like a piece of meat?  Are they really OK with being an object the man gets pleasure from and then discards?”

The answer is yes, yes, and yes… because the answer is no, no and no.  Confused?  The girl that works the strip joint does not feel like “a piece of meat” because she’s using the male as much if not MORE than he is using her.  She has a deep longing to feel beautiful, wanted, desired, lusted after and the male is meeting that need, and more because he’s paying her a big financial reward to do it.

Sure we’d all like to think it’s disgusting and those women have no self-worth.  And that is true.  But I want to talk about the HEART of the woman who is a hooker because she really isn’t that different than me, and maybe even you.

I have a desire need to feel beautiful.  The twisted turmoil comes when the type of beautiful I want to feel is either unattainable or unnoticed.

For a woman who is not married, the burden of responsibility falls on every dating prospect and potential husband to meet the “Make me feel Beautiful” need.  For a married woman, the vast majority of that pressure falls on her husband, though it isn’t uncommon at all for women to look for anyone to meet that need if they feel it is being over-looked by him.

There are two things I want to rip wide open on this topic.

Why does a woman want a man to make her feel beautiful?

Genesis 3:16b “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

Oh yes, I’m opening the can of worms.  Because I feel this is the most misunderstood portion of scripture and yet the most crucial for ALL people to understand so we can get to the root of the “MEET MY NEEDS” issue of women.

What does that curse mean?  It DOES NOT mean the way it is often taken out of context to mean.  Many like to believe it means that the man will dominate the woman all her life and she’s always going to fight him for control.  And that just isn’t true. (That’s more like feminism.)

This curse is on ALL women, and I’ll be the first to tell you, if it meant the first thing, it wouldn’t affect me.  I have no desire to rule over my husband.  I’m very happy to let him lead and settle under him as my umbrella of protection.

What it DOES mean, is that she will have a desire for her husband-  she will look to him to fill all her desires.  She will want him to make her feel beautiful, valuable, funny, important, intelligent, needed and so much more.  And he will rule over her- he will be superior in this area and fail to fall into the servant role of meeting the needs.

The other major point I want to make is that we misunderstand beauty.  God in His very nature is the same, yesterday, today and forever.  He doesn’t roll with the changing styles and fashion designs.

Have you ever looked back at some of the things your grandparents use to wear, hair styles, make-up and thought “are you kidding me, that’s hideous?!”

Even saying that out loud makes it seem a little silly to run diligently after some summer look this year that in 5 years is going to be mocked and laughed about later.  It seems we can’t ever chase external beauty because it is always changing and differs so quickly by one persons taste compared to another.

God’s word says in I Peter 3:3-4

” Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.   4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

I’ve said before “I know what God says about me, how I’m beautiful, valuable, and loved” but I still can’t just accept that and stop wanting my husband to fill that need.


1.) Take God at His word.  If I believe Him than I have to trust Him.  If He says beauty comes from my inner self, then I need to take a hard look at my inner self.  Do I like what I see?  Am I living a holy life with a quiet spirit, growing in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control?

No.  I can’t answer that will a resounding yes honestly. I’ve got A LOT of work to do. And that carries an enormous amount of weight on why I don’t feel beautiful enough.

2.) Make sure both my husband and myself really understand the curse of the fall and talk about how this plays out in our marriage.  Express how he can help meet the needs he is capable of meeting, and relieve him from the pressure of meeting needs he will never be able to meet.


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