Don’t say it!!!

1 Jun

You know the “I need to defend myself here” feeling?

It usually comes smack dab in the middle of an argument with your spouse.   The overwhelming urge to spew your side, feelings, perspective, vision of the situation along with a hint mountain of sarcasm or spite.

I’ve battled that monster my entire marriage.  And the most frustrating thing to admit is there have been SO (oh so many) times when I’m holding my tongue, I’m pressing my lips together as tightly as I can, and then all the sudden- almost as if I couldn’t have controlled it if I wanted to, I’ll yell out something like “You know what….”  or “Let me tell you something…..”

Ah, out finest, most attractive moments in life.  Aren’t they wonderful?

Remember when I talked a few posts back about fights being good for your marriage if your goal is to keep the unity?  A good checks and balance for yourself before anything leaves your mouth is to ask yourself if you’re saying it to defend yourself, which also means you’re trying to put blame on the other person….or if you’re calm, cool and collected enough, and so is your spouse, to not be in defense mode but to be in an equal mode.  “This is what I feel, think, need and I’d like to come up with a plan together for how we can work on this from both ends.


Bite down harder on your tongue?  You know the old “Would you like me to spank your butt so your finger will stop hurting?”  If you bite on your tongue hard enough, you’ll forget about what you wanted to say because it’ll hurt too bad?

I hardly think that’s going to work, not that I’ve tried it or anything.

Fight naked?  I recently saw something that said you can have a great marriage if you fight naked.  Josh and I laughed hysterically when we read that.  I think it is a great idea.  He was not buying it.

Ok, Ok… PRAY!  You have to force yourself to pray, and pray hard that you can FIGHT FAIR and hold your tongue.  Words just can  not be swallowed back up.  And they leave a sting LONG after the fight is over.

In the heat of the moment, though it will NOT be easy, force yourself to think past the next thirty minutes.  Pretend what you’re about to say was just said to you.  How would it feel?  How would you take it?  Would it hurt?

The thing about PRACTICAL application is that it takes practice.  It is REALLY hard work in the beginning, (and middle) but you will eventually build really good habits, boundaries, and patterns that will change the way you live and in turn become your testimony and legacy.


One Response to “Don’t say it!!!”

  1. Stephanie June 1, 2012 at 8:20 am #

    This may have come in handy over the past couple of days at my house…

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