It’s ugly back there… who deserves the blame? part 3 (of 4)

3 Aug

Oh joy! We’ve reached my favorite point. 

#3 Circumstances.

You know, the lovely pleasantries of life that leave you in the “put up or shut up – this is the just the way it is” moments in life?!

Maybe your circumstances look like this:

~My Mom died when I was 3.

~My Dad is an alcoholic.

~My parents got divorced.

~My parents stayed together but they hate each other.

~My realtive has cancer.

~ I can’t get pregnant.

~I just buried my child.

~I was born with a disease.

~We live _______.

~We’re rich.

~We’re poor.

~My husband is abusive.

~My wife has a drug problem.

~I lost my job.

You’ve got circumstances.  Situations in life that you didn’t ask for and did not happen to you because you did or didn’t do something right.  It is just life.  That good ole’ saying “it is the hand you were dealt.”

Some circumstances are a result of our own choices or actions, but that isn’t what I’m talking about today.  We’re only discussing the circumstances that happen TO you, not BECAUSE of you.

To be totally honest with you, this section isn’t going to be overly full.  I’ve been blessed with some pretty easy circumstances.  Sure, I have a small list of situations that have molded me in ways that maybe I still haven’t fully realized because I don’t even recognize them all yet, but basically, I’ve been lucky in this department.  But I know others have not.  Having said that, it wouldn’t be right not to include this section because it is a vital key for so many in dealing with letting go of the past!

Look, what I’m about to share is so small. So please, please do not throw tomatoes. But one of the stupidest, yet most pesky circumstances that I was born with that has always been a problem for me is acne.  I’m almost 29 years old, and it’s still such a  frustration of mine.  Honestly, though still very small of an issue compared to what others have dealt with, for someone who struggles with seeing beauty in herself, it’s been a battle.  I remember changing for volleyball in the locker room one time (which I always wore t-shirts because I couldn’t wear tank tops, ever) someone said to me “Wow, Kayla… that acne is so bad.”  And part of me felt like, “Ugh, it really is terrible. Great.” And another part of me felt like “Thank you for pointing out the obvious genius.  Would you mind looking for other flaws and announcing those too?”

Beyond high school,  I did face a more disheartening circumstance during the season where we lost 3 babies in 6 months and then couldn’t get pregnant again for awhile.  That was a rough time.  But it didn’t actually leave me un-able to get over because the births of Jaxon and Marisa brought mountains of healing, understanding and joy! (More on that another time… for now, lets stay focused on those circumstances that leave us broken.)

Back to the depth of this issue for others….

Some of my best conversations for determining the role this can play in a person’s life has happened in the last couple years while one my dearest friends  has shared and poured out her heart having grown up with a mom addicted to drugs, divorced parents, and the job of raising her brother.

And I was also forever impacted by a friend from high school who in just a few months of each other, lost her brother in a car accident and her father from illness. Wow.

I’ll never forget feeling like “This makes no sense at all.  I have a HUGE family, immediate and extended on both sides, and nothing ever happens to us.  People die in order because they’re old in my family.”  And believe it or not, 15 years later, I can still say the same thing.”

Circumstances definitely impact our vision of reality.  Not only can we battle dealing with the deep hurts and frustrations, sometimes vital factors go missing.  Growing up with one parent is not the same as growing up with two.  Having healthy children is not the same as losing one to an illness.  Being rich is not the same as being poor.  Being naturally talented at sports is not the same as sitting the bench from two left feet. Having a high metabolism is not the same as struggling with excessive weight gain.

And circumstances open us up to a lot of judgement.  We’d all like to think we’d handle someone elses situations different from the way they do/did.  Whether that be for the worse or for the better.  But it just isn’t a safe game to play.  Unless you’re living the circumstances exactly as the person living them, you just can’t know what they are fully doing to that person in thought or action. And the depth of how those circumstances have warped reality.

Practical Application:

I’ll tie this all together in the next  and final post… but for now, what circumstances have you faced in your life that you didn’t ask for, but you’ve been forced to deal with anyway?

How have those circumstances molded your thoughts, opinions, and actions?

Have they made you think God really isn’t good or doesn’t really care about you?

Feel free to share below!

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2 Responses to “It’s ugly back there… who deserves the blame? part 3 (of 4)”

  1. Bernie August 3, 2012 at 9:19 am #

    Thank u so much for writing this series. I swear it is like you wrote it for me! Been dealing with many points you have talked about it. Thank you!

    • kaylagulick August 3, 2012 at 9:55 am #

      I’m so glad Bernadette!! I’ve finally realized this was worth sharing… I thought for so long, I was alone.

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