Seasons of marriage.

20 Aug

Since renewing our vows just over a week ago on Friday August 10th, this last week has proved to be a little tougher than last.

I’m doing some reflecting on the seasons of marriage.  Every marriage goes through seasons.  Just like the seasons of each of our lives, our relationships experience changing seasons as well.

Some of those seasons are brought on by circumstances.  Examples would include but are not limited to:

~Marriage before children.

~Financial lows.

~Financial Highs.

~Marriage with infants in the home.

~Death of a loved one.

~Marriage with teenagers.

~Unemployment.

~Illness.

~Moving.

~Empty Nest.

~Retirement.

Yet other seasons are brought on by mental and spiritual maturity. Those changing seasons can happen right in the midst of circumstantial seasons.  You may even find yourself enter and leave the exact same circumstantial season in your married life, but be in a totally different season mentally or spiritually, and the two circumstantial seasons will seem like night and day.

Josh and I were married at (3 weeks shy of) 19 and 21 years of age.  Regardless of how mature we might have been (or thought we were) for our ages, the inexperience of life based on the amount of years we had lived just made us mentally immature.

And every marriage matures with hands on experience, years and wisdom.  The couple that has been married 15 years next to the couple who has been married 1 year just simply cannot have the same depth of understanding when it comes to what it takes to serve someone else above yourself for a long extended period of time, especially in the middle of what life throws your way.  That doesn’t mean the newly married couple knows nothing, but their season of understanding is young and testing out the well-known experiment of trial and error.

I haven’t talked much about the season in our marriage where we were married, but not happily married.  It would take another series to dive into all the complications of that mess (which might be coming up, I’m still praying and deciding if I am supposed to go there) but I can make the point I need to make today without going into the whole back story.

Five – seven years ago, the outside pressure on our marriage was pretty minimal and yet, we were at the weakest state we had been in unity and growth together.  We both worked, and at one point made $25,000 more than we make now, (with two less kids and no private school tuition) didn’t have any illnesses, deaths, or any other circumstantial pressure that would have been driving a wedge between us.  We were doing it all by ourselves.  The lack of spiritual growth, the open exposure to bad company, compromised morals, and temptation was enough to weigh on our souls that Satan really didn’t need to push, prod or pull on us at all, especially with circumstantial difficulties.

Now, Josh and I are in a totally different season mentally and spiritually.  We could only barely recognize the couple in that season and struggle to accept that it was truly us.  And I’m noticing, our circumstantial pressure is rapidly increasing.  We are in the process of fasting and praying through why God called us out of our church home of 10 years and what He wants us to do now, we have a second child entering private school, we have some big purchases that we need to make without the funds to do so easily, and one of my closest friends is moving 2 1/2 hours away.

It seems since our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, Satan is getting more involved in our lives.  Scripture tells us he asks God to tempt us and circumstantially challenge us, and this last week I am certain Satan showed up in a big way.  And now the that the heat is turned up, what kind of season are we going to enter?

I want to tell you a season where we just grow stronger and closer together, and our faith is increased and the glory of God shines brighter in us and through us.  But this week has really shaken my confidence to proclaim such a bold statement, but I’m choosing to say it today anyway.

Practical Application:

It’s time to buckle down and take up the weapons of prayer and fasting against the schemes of the tempter.

And just incase you were curious, Satan is attacking because these are the new principles our marriage is based on. (I’d have loved to post the video but YouTube said it was too long, even though it is only 20 minutes, and Facebook and WordPress won’t let me post it because there is a song played in it that we do not own.)

Here are our new vows:

I will reserve the best of myself for you at the beginning, middle and end of each day, allowing no one else to fill your role as my best friend. I promise to be faithful to you with my thoughts, words, and actions always.

I vow to give myself only to you physically and emotionally without exception.

I will honor you above all others and always listen to your input and respect your feelings.

I promise to forgive quickly and will not allow a wall to be built between us of past mistakes.

I vow to be honest, no matter how hard telling the truth may be.

I will believe the best in you and concentrate on all your talents, gifts and strengths.

I will come along side you in your weakness and hold you in prayer before the Lord as we work on it together.

I will support and defend you not only publicly, but also privately.

I vow to work on speaking your love language to you daily.

I will remember that change requires patience and practice.

And I faithfully commit to following the truth that love is a verb, and I choose to love you, all the days of my life.

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2 Responses to “Seasons of marriage.”

  1. michaelshannon August 27, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    Excellent insight. We often forget God always answers prayers: Yes, No, Later. Our problem is we often don’t like the answer,

    • kaylagulick August 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm #

      Wouldn’t it be awesome if we really, fully, without any reservations trusted that God had our best interests at heart? If we did, we’d always LOVE His answers!

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