Is he asking a question or making a statement?

26 Aug

If anyone thinks that immediate change is not possible, then I must say they’ve never experienced it.  Be careful not to misunderstand what I just said.  I didn’t say 100% success and perfection would be instantaneously possible, I said “immediate change.”

For me in my life this weekend, “immediate change” doesn’t mean anything more than the blinders being fully removed.  My last post talked briefly about the deep conviction of respect and disrespect to my husband in our marriage.  Some of that disrespect stemmed entirely out of ignorance, some from blindness, and still some from selfishness.

This weekend though, I’ve been overwhelmed with reality.  I’m battling my limited vocabulary to actually put descriptive words to the feelings that are whirling around inside me.  The revelation that daily I’m going against the grain of giving my husband what he physically needs to be not only complete in Christ, but empowered to be the leader he is designed to be and I so desperately need, is both emotional and challenging.

I’m a person who uses exaggeration on a daily basis.  I make up words like “ca-trillion” and says “thousands” when it is really only like twenty.  However, exaggeration completely aside, I have realized in just the last two days alone that I *was* easily showing my husband a grave form of disrespect literally a hundred times a week easy.

I had no idea that I had an opinion, suggestion, statement and idea to literally everything he says.  Until I was made aware through the conviction I’ve been graciously handed by the Holy Spirit through the Peaceful Wife’s Blog.

The world (even Christian husbands) may not be able to name or fully recognize what they’re feeling and what they’re lacking until it is fixed because this way of life has become so accepted and normal.

My husband does need me to talk.  I’m not meant to be a silent being in the home.  That isn’t how scripture defines the role of a wife, and that isn’t my husband’s desire either.  He needs my input.  But when?

This weekend I think the Lord helped make this very clear to me so I can make the proper adjustments in my marriage.  I’m not really excited about trial and error, especially since I realize I’ve been living in “error” for so long, that I’m rejoicing in God’s quick help.

Is my husband asking me a question or is he making a statement?

If he is asking a question, then my input is necessary and vital to help him make the best decision for our family.

When he says, “Where would you like to eat?”

“Did you enjoy ____?”

“How did you feel about ____?”

“What would you think if we ____?”

“Can we afford ____?”

All of these situations are signs that he is interested and in need of what I have to offer on the topic to help him.

When he is making a statement, he has made a decision, and my interjection of any kind, is not help, but is disrespect of his decision.

“I’m going to _____.”

“It’s time for the kids to go to bed.”

“Lets purchase _____.”

“This is the way we’re going to _____”

“I’m planning to _____.”

While it might seem like it isn’t a big deal to suggest other ideas and options, the major message that is being sent across is “I don’t like what you decided, I have a better idea, we should do it my way because you’re stupid or ignorant of the best way to accomplish this.”

If I want my husband to lead me, I have to show him that when he does, I will follow without resistance or doubt.  I need to prove to him that he is capable of making good decisions, that I’m behind him, that I support him, that I trust him, and that I respect him no matter what.

I trust God to provide and protect our family, and I know my husband is seeking the Lord, so I have to believe that my best interests are at heart when I’m submissive to God’s design for marriage and I let my husband have my respect and trust.

Practical Application:

Take a second before speaking to decipher if my husband is asking me a question or making a statement.

And then react accordingly.

When he makes a statement, give him my full trust.  Say “OK” with a cheerful heart and let him be empowered by my respect of him.

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2 Responses to “Is he asking a question or making a statement?”

  1. peacefulwife August 28, 2012 at 7:50 am #

    This post is AWESOME!!!!! I wonder if you might allow me to use it for a guest post sometime? I can see God working in you so very powerfully! I’m THRILLED for all He has in store for you, your faith, your marriage and your family!!

    • kaylagulick August 28, 2012 at 7:55 am #

      You can absolutely use it! I’m thrilled myself that the blinders have been removed to what respect TRULY looks like and how my husband has even been trained to surpress his need for it! I’m LOVING this challenge to get it right! So rewarding!!

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