Accusations from lies, not reality.

22 Oct

Yesterday in the middle of a REALLY good message about toxic thoughts, the pastor shared a personal story that mirrored with my own life.

He was describing a time in his life when he was dating his (now) wife, and they lived in different states.  One Friday night while walking up to his apartment, he knew that he wouldn’t be talking to her that night because she was going to be out with friends.  And the thought crossed his mind “What if I can’t trust her?  What if she is going out with guys too?”  And he immediately took those thoughts captive and said “No. She loves Jesus and she loves me.”

He then shared that if he hadn’t done that, the next day he would have questioned her with things like “What did you do last night?  Who were you with? And so forth.

I’ve talked before in the My Demon post about how I have recognized that I have vivid conversations with the accuser and liar (and those evil spirits who are busy about his business) and need to fight against that.  But I’m going to go ahead and share some more ways this plays out in (my) life today.

The pastor was describing that toxic thoughts lead us to 4 categories.  Negative – Critical – Discontent – Fearful.

In all honesty, I find myself in all of those from time to time.  But I was able to see clearly that the emotion that has held me hostage most of my life is fear.

I can’t tell you the number of times, especially early in my marriage, that I wondered if Josh was being faithful at work.  Was he eating lunch with girls, talking to them too much, flirting with them, staying over to be around them longer?

Let me be VERY clear here…. NONE of that happened, and NONE of that fear was even based on REALITY!!  All of that fear stemmed from toxic thoughts that I was unable to take captive.  Unable- because I didn’t know enough scripture or truths from scripture to speak against the lies, and I wasn’t walking in communion with the Spirit to accept His help.

Toxic thoughts like “when we walk into a work function, is everyone laughing at me behind my back because everyone knows about this secret affair that I’m clueless about?” literally left me in a state of sheer fear that morphed entirely into distrust and distance in my marriage.

I had conversations with Josh for the sole purpose of “digging for dirt.” Which ended up sounding a lot like accusations flying from my mouth.

“Why did you have to stay late today?  Who stayed over with you?  How long did it take? Why couldn’t so & so stay over and do it instead?”

Ack!  Admitting all this now is grueling.  But I feel it necessary to help the person out there who is still living in this vicious cycle of fear.

So many of our earlier fighting and problems, which I thought were because my husband couldn’t have a healthy conversation without accusing me of accusing him… were really MY fault.  I was entertaining toxic thoughts and then living life as if the toxic might be real and reality might be deceptive.

I’m so thankful God has helped me, and is helping me recognize those lies from Satan and reject them, and take them captive.  The prison of deception is brutal.  And it destroys us, and all of our relationships.  Not just marriages.

Practical Application-

Stop and think about those four categories.  Really be honest.  Do you find yourself in there?

Say it out loud.  Speaking sin OUT LOUD is powerful.  It brings it to light, and Satan has to flee from the light.  He is the king of darkness.

READ THE BIBLE!! Knowing truth gives POWER to recognize lies!!

Take those thoughts captive and refuse to entertain them.  Even if that means calling a friend to talk about shopping or whatever it takes to get out of the trap to “think” and think WAY too much about untruth.


2 Responses to “Accusations from lies, not reality.”

  1. The Water Bearer October 23, 2012 at 4:02 am #

    Another Great, insightful and helpful post. 🙂

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