Old Self

13 Nov

Saturday night I had an encounter with my old self.  I didn’t revert back to my old self… but I got to watch my old self being publicly displayed in other women who were acting exactly as I use to behave.  And IT. WAS. HORRIBLE!!

I had no idea how disturbing my old behavior was at all, until I watched these women in total amazement.  They were loud, obnoxious, and sexual with everyone.

At one point, this really pretty woman just yells across the table at this man “F*** YOU” and everyone erupted in laughter and further crude comments.

I was repulsed.  Once seemingly pretty, she looked hideously ugly to me in that moment.

And it shocked me even further that these other people thought is made her MORE attractive, like-able, and funny. WHY???

We were there for 6 hours, and in that time, most people didn’t go anywhere the entire time without a drink in their hand.  The women were filling their cups back up every time they got to the last few drinks.  And the more they drank, the louder they got.  The more crude they talked.  And the more sexual they behaved.

Once the band started, so did the dancing.  Most were just dancing for fun and in a clean fashion.  Others were obviously  dancing for attention.  And they got mine.  Along with probably everyone else there.

Now hear me out before you think I’m some judgmental prude.

I don’t have a problem with a swear word here or there if it is used to elaborate on an emotion.  But when it’s being used in every sentence in a crude fashion, it’s unneccessary and obnoxious.

I also do not have ANY problem with having a drink.  I enjoy a glass of wine… or a new favorite – a glass of Diet Pepsi with Sailor Jerry every so often.  The type of drinking happening that night was NOT a glass of wine with dinner.  It was a focal point and purpose for the gathering, continual and over-board.

And – I think dancing is FUN! But not for the purpose of attracting the eyes of others.


What really hit me hard though as I watched this mess unfold was that, I TOTALLY USE TO BE THESE WOMEN!!!!!!!  In every way I mentioned above, I have to claim as “been there, done that.”

I felt so humiliated.  How many other women looked around the room when *I* was acting like that in the past and felt repulsed by me???

I guess in a small way, I’m thankful for the glimpse into what it looks like from this side.  Hopefully, it will help me refrain from slipping back into that life-style ever again.

I know I always give a practical application… but I don’t have one this time.

Maybe I could say, just keep loving them right where they are and let my life be a witness to them?  Do you avoid those types of situations in the future?  Or do you keep going when invited and let them watch the way you conduct yourself differently than they do?

I’d really love your thoughts on this one……


11 Responses to “Old Self”

  1. peacefulwife November 13, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

    Once God has convicted me of something and brought me through a lot of learning and hammering the point home to me – it is SO HARD to see someone else giving in to that same mindset and temptation!

    If this group of people are unbelievers- you may be able to be around them occasionally and allow your life to be a witness to them. Jesus ate with “sinners” such as these to minister to them.

    But if they claim to know and love Christ – and are living in sexual immorality and drunkenness – that is a different situation. The Bible admonishes us not to even eat with a man who calls himself a believer but is sexually immoral. And we are not to be drunk with wine, but filled with the Spirit.

    The other concern I would have is that if the temptation is too great – if being around them causes you to slip into sin – then that is not an appropriate place to be.

    And another concern is that among us there is not to be even a hint of sexual impurity or immorality. We are also admonished in Ephesians to let no unwholesome speech come from our lips. Is it possible that our being there could cause our brothers or sisters to stumble? I believe it is possible. Paul said he would do nothing that might cause a weaker brother or sister to stumble.

    But these are people who need Jesus, just like we all do -desperately. And they are people to pray for and to ask God’s Spirit to work in their hearts and reveal their lost condition and spiritual poverty to themselves. I pray that there might be opportunities to share all that God has done for you in a way and place where they can be receptive and hear you. Who better to share what God can do and has done than someone who has lived in that same place? You may be the perfect one to minister to some of these women. But it will have to be done in great love and with grace.

    • peacefulwife November 13, 2012 at 7:48 pm #

      Oh, a verse from Proverbs comes to mind – A beautiful woman with no discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout. Character enhances beauty. But physical beauty without godly character suddenly looks very ugly.

      • Kayla Gulick November 13, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

        Yes – my biggest concern is that it’s easy to slip from sitting among unbelievers to acting like unbelievers.

        Thank you SO much for your words! It’s reassuring to know my thoughts are running in a similar pattern to what you’re saying here.

  2. joyfullysubmitted November 13, 2012 at 10:42 pm #

    I remember the old me very well, and she was NOT pretty!! I am so thankful to the Lord from saving me form my biggest enemy…MEEEEEEEE!!! God is sooooo faithful and worthy of ALL of my praise. When I look back and see how far he has brought me, I am so overjoyed that He did not leave me where I was…Thanks for sharing this Kayla!

    • Kayla Gulick November 14, 2012 at 7:10 am #

      I love how this community gets behind a post liek this and says “Prasie God for how far you’ve come” instead of “I can’t believe you use to do that stuff…. or you’re such a hypocrite, or you’re not suppose to judge!”

      I honestly don’t know what I’d do these days without a community of faith via the internet!

      Thanks Selena! Much love to you girl!!

  3. howsyourlovelife November 14, 2012 at 12:34 pm #

    Sigh….another cringe moment….hate those. I also have a sullied past and am often confused about when to be in it (no real temptation to join it at this point) and when to avoid it. Either way feels judgmental to me, probably because it is, from me. More work to do…..

    • Kayla Gulick November 14, 2012 at 1:43 pm #

      It is so tricky. I think our presence and actions can be a bigger testimony than we realize. It shows that genuine Christians are not “too good” for people, and shows we can have a great time and laugh without being drunk, high, or crude (most worldly forms of entertainment.) However, it’s hard sometimes to do that without being judgemental!

      Thanks for relating! Love you for that!!

  4. peacefulwife November 15, 2012 at 8:18 pm #

    Reblogged this on Peaceful Single Girl and commented:
    A thought-provoking post from my friend, Kayla.

  5. Suzi Winspear November 15, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    I’ve seen this too, in my old school friends. For now I know I need to keep myself away from these situations….the last time I chose to be in such a situation I drank too much and was tempted to behave in a similar way…it is very easy to step back into that place when you are impaired by alcohol. And for that reason I choose not to drink, God has made it simple for me because I no longer enjoy the taste of wine or beer and I’ve never been one to drink spirits. Once I would pride myself on my ability to drink more than many of the men I used to drink with! I would consume way too much and thought I was very clever in my behaviour, and revelled in the number of men I could ensnare with my antics! It was shameful behaviour! My family and friends struggle to understand my new self, I was once the life of the party and now they think I’m boring, but that’s fine with me, I’ll just keep praying for them to ‘see the light’ too!

    • Kayla Gulick November 16, 2012 at 6:04 am #

      What a great boundary you’ve set for yourself knowing what you can and can’t particiapte in! Too many people think they can handle it, only to realize they can’t too late.

      Thanks for sharing your story and relating with me here! I appreciate it!

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