He doesn’t initiate prayer with me…

14 Dec

I feel like I could write an ENTIRE 20 Chapter book on this topic, but I’ll do my best to keep this short.  I know too long of posts (even if good material) can be frustrating to stick with.

Why do I want my husband to initiate prayer with me?

1.) It shows the importance he places on taking everything in our lives to the Lord.

– This truth helps me trust him.  If I know that he is seeking God in all directions of our life, I am very quick to follow him and be submissive to all his decisions without doubting that he is just doing what he wants or being a selfish leader.

2.) It’s intimate.

– For a woman, the reason communication is SO important is because words require us to bare our hearts and souls.  We are pretty good at this by  nature.  Men are not.  So when our husbands step into this form of vulnerability, it becomes immediately intimate and bonding like nothing else!

3.) It’s sexy.

– Yes I used the word sexy.  Let me explain.  We are physical, emotional and spiritual beings.  Men have a MUCH higher drive for physical needs than women.  And women have a MUCH higher drive for emotional & spiritual needs than men.  We both need all three…  but we all struggle to give all three equally because it’s so much easier to give what we crave.  However, let me put it this way.  When a husband initiates prayer… it is EXACTLY the same as if a wife would walk into the room wearing lingerie.  It’s instant attraction, and immediate feelings of desire.

4.) It’s sacrificial.

– It’s leading by serving.  It’s allowing the woman to be apart of the process of leadership.  She gets to hear her husband pray over issues and participate in praying.  She can then back off and trust the Lord to answer and guide her husband, but it provides worth to her that her husband appreciates and wants her help in seeking the Lord.

5.) It’s fulfilling.

– It meets a spiritual need that can hardly be explained.  You know the saying, “there is a God-shaped hole inside of all of us that we can try to fill with things of the world, but nothing fills it except God”?  The same is true with prayer.  We have a prayer need with our spouse that can’t be filled by anything else, and when it is fulfilled, gives us power to be the wife God calls us to be that most don’t get to experience.

Let me give you three statistics.

* Less than 10% of Christian married couples regularly pray together.

* About 1/3 of Christian marriages end in divorce.

* Less than 1% of Christian couples who regularly pray together end up divorced.

This isn’t just a “me” thing.  It’s a “proven” thing.  That all women want to pray with their husbands… not many husbands are willing to do it…. and it affects marriage (like it or not.)

Do these statistics give us the authority to divorce our non-prayer-initiating husband?  NO!! Absolutely not!!

My friend pointed out a few truths that I hadn’t considered before that have really helped me this week.

The truth is, we women don’t want our husbands to pray with us to appease us.  We want them to be growing and have their own very intimate relationship with God that they’re so moved on their own to pray with us.  If they are praying with us just to shut us up, then really, the prayer time is just useless activity.  God knows when we aren’t doing things with the right heart motive.  And it won’t bring the kind of fulfillment I already discussed earlier.

I’m going to end this post just in closing that, if you’re a wife longing for your husband to initiate prayer with you… YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

BUT – and this is BIG- just because he isn’t, DOES NOT mean he is failing as a spiritual leader!  There is more to that job than just praying with your wife & kids.  (Below is a good post about expectations!)

And just because you’re a bit disappointed in this areas, DOES NOT mean you have permission to be disrespectful, un-submissive, judgemental, cruel, or bitter.

Practical Application:

I really feel like if you want some more food on this, suggestions, ideas, help, support, understanding…. you should check out these links… they are REALLY GOOD!

For Men:



For Women:








7 Responses to “He doesn’t initiate prayer with me…”

  1. Dreams Of Dunamis December 19, 2012 at 2:02 am #

    I have prayed for my husband to pray with me, for the past year. Just recently, I have noticed more and more, that he will stop whenever something is not as it should be, and will come to me and ask me to pray with him. You’re right; it is sexy! It bonds us like nothing else, and makes us of one mind, united under Christ. It has deepened my love and respect for him. It has also caused us to view each other as equals, both submitting unto God.


    • Kayla Gulick December 19, 2012 at 7:19 am #

      Oh that is wonderful!!! Thank you for sharing! What a wonderful testimony for others still praying for their husbands and waiting on God’s timing! Blessings friend.

  2. Rick@RomanticHusbands.com October 16, 2013 at 9:36 am #

    No one ever told me that praying was sexy and intimate. I am amazed to learn that it’s the equivalent of lingerie and can inspire feelings of instant desire! I know you well enough to know that you do not lace your posts with sarcasm. Wow, talk about added incentive. Men do respond well to positive reinforcement.

    I can’t wait to tell the others!

    • Kayla Gulick October 16, 2013 at 9:43 am #

      Oh Rick — you have no idea what you’re about to do to a bunch of marriages if you do share this truth.

      You’re right — no sarcasm at all, it very literally is SEXY and INTIMATE. And very binding and healing no matter what is going on in the marriage.

      • Rick@RomanticHusbands.com October 16, 2013 at 9:48 am #


        Not only do I plan to share this, I plan to practice it as well. But please share with me some of your ideas for praying together. I know there is no wrong way, but I want to make sure I get this right.

      • Kayla Gulick October 16, 2013 at 10:09 am #

        Absolutely –

        First, you nailed it — there is no wrong way to do it.

        Secondly – here are my suggestions/thoughts —

        * Pray over big decisions together. (Should I quit my job, should we buy this house, should we change churches, how can we afford new appliances, we really long to take a vacation, please provide a way Lord)
        –It’s crucial for a wife to know that her husband is taking these things to the Lord, and gives her immense faith that she can trust the direction her husband goes because she knows he is seeking the Lord’s advice and guidance.

        * Pray for her. Many times women wonder if their husbands pray at all. And they wonder if he prays for her. She knows she prays for him…. but she doubts that anyone is lifting her up (not just superficially like a Sunday School class but specifically)

        * Pray for your children. (Because when two or more agree together in prayer the Lord is there — and our kids need this!)

        * Pray for your marriage. (This act allows both people to actively ask for God’s help and encourages each other instantly to let go of all offenses and failures and focus on all the positive and beautiful things about their marriage.)

        And lastly, include any immediate requests like an ill family member, or a lost friend, or anything that is important to you as a married couple or family.

        — In my personal opinion, praying for 30 minutes is NOT THE GOAL!! That can become stale and hard to focus. You can pray for one of these things each day. Like Monday — pray for your wife. Tuesday — have her pray for you. Wednesday — pray or your children. etc —
        That does not have to be the formula you use, but it’s important not to get bogged down by 37 prayer requests. You can pray continually on your own for things too — this isn’t to replace ALL your prayers to God.
        It’s simply to agree in prayer as a married couple and add more and more cement to the marriage that cannot be undone by the world, or even our own flesh.

        I hope this helps!!

  3. Rick@RomanticHusbands.com October 16, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    Thank you. That was very helpful. Praying as a couple is a new concept for me and I appreciate your insights.

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