Who is really being affected?

18 Dec

We all know that men are visual.  While that is often expressed among Christians as being a “problem” or “evil temptation”, I actually think it’s a pretty awesome blessing.

We really must admit women, that we feel wonderful that our men are attracted to our beauty, and feel incredible fulfillment when they comment on that attraction.  Few words feel as wonderful as hearing “You’re so beautiful.”

I’m not dismissing the obvious battle.  It is hard for a man to keep himself pure, especially with so much visual temptation flaunting itself around.  Every where you look AND click, visual images are getting racier and down right embarrassing. Men have to address and deal with this issue – but believe it or not, it might actually be an even BIGGER issue for most women.

When something is on TV that shouldn’t be, on a magazine cover in the check-out line, walks herself into a room, *I* notice BEFORE my husband even has the chance to.  My eyes are like radars.  And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

I’ve always known that visual images affect women.  I mean, there is a race for beauty and it isn’t coming from some imaginary image that magically appeared in the mind of every woman to walk this earth.

However, the dirtier the images get…. the MORE I believe women are actually affected in greater ways than men.  This battle for men has always been the same battle.  Yes – it is getting harder to keep from looking and to take your thoughts captive the more “naked” is acceptable in public;  But what about what is happening to women?

We face depression. We feel deflated that we will never look like that. In all our best efforts, we will never be able to follow some silly exercise routine and come out looking like the girl in the picture…or more popular “pin” on pinterest.  Because let’s face it, if we could get her abs, we’ll never get her acne free skin, white teeth, perfectly proportioned nose, gorgeous long hair and so on.

We live in fear.  We’re constantly pelted with the reality that men are visual, and with so much temptation out there….we’re positive our husband can’t be faithful.  We doubt. We question.  We assume.  We don’t believe.  We sabotage our marriage and steal from it trust and confidence.

We feel insecure.  If the click of a mouse can bring up some wonderful image, how could what I have to offer really even turn my husband on?  Why would I take off my clothes, let the lights be on, take a risk when 15 minutes earlier we were watching the television and viewed this other girl do these previously mentioned things, who is so beautiful it even made me blush!

We resent.  We start to hate pretty girls.  We find reasons to tear them down or point out all their flaws.

We get INCREDIBLY jealous.  We can’t handle the thought of our husband even working at a place where women are present.  We get grumpy when they share stories with women in them. And sometimes we even get mad that our husband is a gentleman and holds open doors like he should for another woman.

We compare ourselves. Somehow we start to believe that our worth is comparable to the number on the scale, the size of clothes we wear, the color of our hair, the length/style of our hair, and on and on and on. (Women have been known to compare elbows for crying out loud!)

Do you know what I think?  I think these images and racy clothes are not hurting men as badly as they are hurting women.  And the more the women hurt, the harder the man’s battle to stay pure, and the more challenges the marriage faces to stay faithful and joyful.

Men know about their issue.  And many of them put boundaries in place to protect themselves.  Women however don’t even realize how these images and dress are affecting them, and so they crash and fall. Miserably.

The more miserable they are, the less they trust their spouse, accept his compliments, believe his statements, and the more they doubt, resent, accuse and wreck the unity that honestly might have existed otherwise.

Practical Application:

Women – are the images everywhere affecting you?  May you have accused your husband wrongfully because of the effects on your own life? Might you be trapped in some of these above situations and sins as a result of what you’re letting your eyes notice?

Name it. Own it. Confess it. Repent of it!

Men- this is really big…. so hear me on this. As weird as this might sound to you… it is YOUR responsibility to protect your wife from these images, just as much as she  needs to help protect you.  It’s team work to keep the level of purity at the standard God calls us to keep it, so we can remain healthy, happy, faithful, and loving in our marriages.

Both men and women need to guard their hearts.

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6 Responses to “Who is really being affected?”

  1. peacefulwife December 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm #

    An insightful and VERY necessary post! Great job!!!! I think many women could benefit from this wisdom. We have to see the problem to be able to acknowledge and deal with it. Thanks for shedding light on this important topic!

    • Kayla Gulick December 18, 2012 at 10:16 pm #

      No problem April!

      I think it’s easy for us to say “most men”and then nail our husband to a cross with the belief that he HAS to be “most men.”

      All the while forgetting that if something is REALLY bothering us, there might be a sin issue (not always, but often) that we need to address ourselves.

  2. joyfullysubmitted December 20, 2012 at 12:45 am #

    Great post Kayla!! Thanks for sharing this and bringing light to this issue that impacts all of us! And that I know has impacted me… GREAT post! Praise God for using you to pen this 😀

    • Kayla Gulick December 20, 2012 at 6:25 am #

      Thanks Selena! I think I realized when starting this post that in more areas than even just this one, if I have someone who is “usually” to blame for these types of things, then I put all my own struggles on them as if they are really the ones struggling with everything and not me…. which just drives us further apart. Learning that I have my own struggles and they aren’t automatically a struggle for someone else too has really helped me release people from “my” sins.

  3. yinkaenahoro December 20, 2012 at 12:30 pm #

    Great post Kayla….this problem is one of the many that attack the sanctity of marriage, but one I never realized exactly how until you put it so aptly. I think if we are aware that it is part of the enemy’s plot against us, we can control our negative reactions to our husbands.

    • Kayla Gulick December 20, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

      Yes! Sometimes just being “aware” (bringing it to light) opens us up to tap into the power of the Holy Spirit inside us to take control of the situation and react as a child of the promise, and not as and abused lost sheep of the enemy.

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