Money – and the ugly truth.

5 Jan

God gave me the pleasure of uncovering the truth about money in my life this week to a new level of understanding that I had never really fully uncovered before.

Money is (hopefully on the way to being “was”) my idol.

But not in the typical way that might be popping into your mind.  I’m not talking about Materialism.  I DO NOT have a desire to have “more” of anything.  Sure, there are things I want, like this REALLY awesome pair of boots I have my eyes on, but I know that I will most likely never own them, and I would never sacrifice what is necessary, be a poor steward, or refuse to give where God is leading just to keep or have more for myself.

Materialism in my mind says that you can find no satisfaction in life because everywhere you look you “want” something or everywhere you look people have “things” that you want and you just can’t find happiness because there is always something more you desperately want to have.

That isn’t me.

I’m talking about Money (NOT materialism) being my God.  Money is my idol.  BECAUSE, money is my security.

I have controlled every aspect of the finances since the day my husband and I started dating.  For one, I’m really good with budgets, researching deals and savings, and I don’t mind at all writing checks and getting things paid on time.

But if THAT was why I was in control of the finances, that’d be one thing.  But that isn’t the only reason that I was.  And I JUST discovered this to the full measure this past week.

It’s because I only trust myself to handle the money and that makes me feel secure.

I have the checkbook balanced to the penny, CONSTANTLY.  There will never be a moment in time when I don’t know to the exact cent, how much money we have.

And if major purchases come up and the money goes down, I’m upset, feel unsafe, have anxiety and worry, stress out, and have a bad attitude.  On the flip, if there is extra money put in and I’m able to catch some sales which leaves us a little higher than we were last month, I’m happy, feel safe, take great pride in my budgeting abilities and feel great security.

The fact that I stay home and my husband brings in 90% (because I do babysit and do crochet) of our income, has NOTHING to do with feeling like my husband is my security, provider or protector.  Because in my mind, I handle the money so I make sure I’m safe.

I’ll even go so far as to tell you that, as DISGUSTING as this is to admit, my husband “running purchases past me to be a team” was seriously a very nice way of saying “asking my permission.”  I ultimately always had veto power.

My friend April had the courtesy to help me see this past week that this situation is just an obvious symptom of The Fall of Man. Men are quick to give up power, and women are even quicker to take all the power.

When in reality God created men to be the provider, protector, and leader and the woman to be the helper, receiver and nurturer.  We were never intended to have “Veto” power.  We were intended to come along side them and follow their leading so we could be protected as we both reach the top of the mountain together.

All I’ve tried to create in my marriage is my own security which is a total lack of trust in my husband to make good decisions for us, which is a lack of faith in the Lord to be sovereign of His design of marriage, and to provide our needs without my constant worry and intervention.

So what did I do about this?

Practical Application:

I put everything on Auto pay except one bill.

I paid everything up through the week that I could.

I made a really neat print-out of what my husband would need to know up-front. (I didn’t give him a mess of stuff!)

And I handed him the paper and check book and said “I can’t do the finances anymore. I’m not being respectful, or trusting and am struggling with pride.  I know you can do this and I trust you to handle this now.”

And I haven’t touched the check book since.  And I won’t.  I’ll now hand him all my receipts, stick to the budget he gives me, allow him to give me the “allowance money” instead of me giving it to him, stop balancing the checkbook constantly or evaluating where we are on-line, let him pay all the bills and write all the checks, and give him my opinions when they are relevent and trust him when they aren’t.

No, this isn’t making me a doormat.  It’s letting him carry weight that he was designed to carry, and giving me the chance to be provided for and focus on things that build up the home, instead of carrying stress that the bank account gets to determine my mood and safety.

 

Advertisements

11 Responses to “Money – and the ugly truth.”

  1. peacefulwife January 5, 2013 at 10:12 am #

    I know this seems scary at first, but it brings so much more freedom, faith and trust in God and your husband and greater intimacy in your marriage and with God! I am super proud of you, my precious friend! I can’t wait to see what God will do in your heart! I love how you explained this. I hope you will let me post this sometime this month!

    • Kayla Gulick January 5, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

      I never even knew how much I wanted more intimacy in my marriage and more trust in the Lord until I saw how far I was!!

      I imagine others out there are like me… so as always, you can share anything that helps points others to Christ!!

  2. RaZella January 5, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

    “Men are quick to give up power, and women are even quicker to take all the power.” WOW. That is such a powerfully true statement, and I think it’s something that all men and women need to be highly aware of. Thanks for sharing your story, excited for how the Lord will grow you because of your obedience to Him!

    • Kayla Gulick January 5, 2013 at 6:19 pm #

      Thanks girl! I’m excited too! It’s going to be hard for me. I already have lots of doubts that I can do this, but I know I can – well rather, I can with Christ!

  3. The Water Bearer January 6, 2013 at 12:17 am #

    I read The Peaceful Wife’s post on this subject some time back and went straight to my husband as I too am guilty of the things you have mentioned above. I wanted to make sure I was not treating him in a way that was disrepectful. I want to boost him up and not tear him down!
    My Mum was a single parent and cried to me regularly about how bad our financial situation was. So as soon as I left home I made sure I could pay all my bills, so I would never have to tell my children we were losing our house. (Mum shared this possible homeless catastrophy regularly with us, and I never felt secure). I spoke to my hubby and told him that I didn’t want to take ‘over’ his role as the leader in our family, that I trusted him financially and He could now pay the bills and I would relax all my controlling/possibly disrespectful behaviour. He flat out refused. Said that he hated paying bills, before he met me he would always wait until the final notices came in before he managed to pay them, so he wanted me to pay the bills. So I have made changes to this in other ways. I have told him exactly how much money we have saved and make sure he makes all the desicions about big purchases. I stopped obsessing over the budget and trusted him and God to meet all our needs. I accepted that if it ever got out of hand, I know I can rely on my faithful husband and God to get us through. (He was raised without any money concerns and so is much much less concerned about money than I am.) I still am not completely happy with this as anxiety is an inner enemy I am burdended with a lot of the time, but I just take one day at a time and deal with each attack as best I can…with FAITH! Blessings to you Sister, hope you and your family are well! 🙂

    • Kayla Gulick January 6, 2013 at 7:12 am #

      It is GREAT to note that each husband is different and as his helpmate, if he’s asking you to help with the bills… then you’re doing a noble thing to help!! I love to hear that you took the challenge to still let go of anxiety and relinquesh some control though and find more ways to trust.

      November & December were crazy and FLEW by! But now I feel back and more normal again : )

  4. Elise Lockamy January 19, 2013 at 2:34 pm #

    I know this may sound weird… but this applies to me in my singleness as well. I hold money as my security because I am afraid that God will let me down. I am afraid that he can’t handle it. There was a period in my life when everything disappeared. Money for my college tuition dried up. Both parents were out of work at different periods of time. I remember when there was only $0.47 in my bank account. But you know what, I survived. He did keep me. I am trusting Him now. I don’t have to watch every single penny. God says he wants me to manage what he provides, not control the provision. It sounds like he’s also equipping me to trust my husband, whenever he arrives, with the financial leadership of my household. Thank you for sharing!

    • Kayla Gulick January 19, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

      Thank you for sharing that!! What a blessing for you to see God’s provision over you and be able to trust Him! I appreciate your comment so much!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. I gave up money control – Update! « Lessons Of Mercy - January 15, 2013

    […] I told you all about how I turned over the responsibility of the finances to my husband a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve been doing really well.  I haven’t been on the computer […]

  2. I handed over the finances – Update!! | Peacefulwife's Blog - January 18, 2013

    […] I told you all about how I turned over the responsibility of the finances to my husband a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve been doing really well.  I haven’t been on the computer checking […]

  3. 8 Simple Rules for Respecting my Husband « One True Wife - January 23, 2013

    […] Money-and the Ugly Truth <www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com> […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: