I gave up money control – Update!

15 Jan

I promised when I started this blog that I was going to be real.  If I am going to write “Practical Applications” that are really attainable, instead of leaving Christians with a desire to change, but no real way to get the new results, then I have to be willing to also share when practically speaking – I still blow it even with steps to follow!

So I told you all about how I turned over the responsibility of the finances to my husband a couple of weeks ago.  I’ve been doing really well.  I haven’t been on the computer checking the balance, I haven’t worried if the money if flying out of the account since I don’t have the constant reminder of where we are at, and I have even been able to let go of my need to write every receipt in the check book the second I get in the car or home (depending on if I’m driving or not : )

Two weeks ago, when heading to church, my husband forgot the check book.  Which isn’t a big surprise because I’ve had it on me for 11 years.  I was totally calm, not upset at all, and just reminded him that “it’s no big deal, we can just put it on next weeks check.”  And that was that.

This Sunday, my husband remembered the check book, and before church had sat down and figured out what to write it for and had it all ready ahead of time.  WITHOUT any coaching or prompting or NAGGING from me!!

And on the outside of the envelope at church, where you write down how much money the check is for, I glanced at it.  I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT!!

Because I’m a money FREAK – I was adding up numbers in my head – OK we missed a week, it had cashed in vacation from the end of the year on it (which I couldn’t be positive of how much it was because I hadn’t asked my husband for his pay stub as I always would have in the past on week’s like that) and I knew my babysitting money needed to be in there, plus this week – and CRAP!

In my head I’m saying “Don’t say anything, Don’t say anything, Don’t say anything” when out of my mouth comes “that’s not the right amount.”

UGH!!!!!!!!  I was so mad at myself!!!! Then since I said that, I had to briefly explain what I was thinking, which turned into translating, “You’re not doing it right” and it was a frustrating mess.

So I couldn’t worship.  I was really ticked at myself. Two songs into a pathetic attempt to praise the Lord in the middle of my sin, I whispered in his ear something to the effect of “I’m so sorry, that was uncalled for. Thank you for handling this for us.”  ((Honestly, I’m NOT bragging on myself here, but I’m REALLY glad I have learned what I have and apologized quickly for blowing it.  This is NOT how this would have played out AT ALL in the past.  I would have had to prove to the “T” why I was positive he was wrong, and then be angry for at least a day if not longer about it not being done the way it should have been.  How’s that for disrespectful and unattractive?))

He was really sweet to hug and put his arm around me and say “It’s OK.”  It really wasn’t OK, but he was choosing to forgive quickly and make it OK.

The rest of the day was just fine.

However, Monday morning when I was praying and repenting of my sin, I felt the Lord uncover to me why I reacted like that.

The truth is, it wasn’t the control thing like I thought at first.  God has been incredibly gracious with a super natural power to help me lay that down.

It was because we have always tithed at least 10% exactly and we’ve seen the Lord take care of us in some incredible ways over the last 11 years.  And I had a panic attack that if we didn’t continue to do that faithfully, the Lord’s blessings and provision would not be on us anymore.

I was literally in frustrated fear that God wouldn’t bless the remaining 90% if we weren’t diligent to write the check for the exact right amount of money.

I felt like a block head when I realized this.

Practical Application:

Be incredibly thankful for how far we’ve come in our marriage in the last few years but especially the last 6 months because of what I’m finally learning!

Be EVEN MORE thankful that I have such  a forgiving and patient husband!!

TRUST GOD’S SOVEREIGNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can’t stress this enough.  God is BIG enough to lead my husband without my supervision, and HE is BIG enough to know my heart without my “acts” of service always being “perfect.”

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8 Responses to “I gave up money control – Update!”

  1. peacefulwife January 15, 2013 at 7:43 am #

    I love you, Kayla! Thank you for sharing this very real story. Becoming a godly wife is a process. It is definitely not flipping a switch and we are perfect! I am so proud of you for apologizing when you realized you were disrespectful. And what grace your husband gave you! God will honor your obedience to follow your husband’s leadership even if your husband doesn’t tithe exactly 10%. I think the verse Jesus quotes to the Pharisees probably applies here “for I desire mercy not sacrifice.”

    I love this!

    • Kayla Gulick January 15, 2013 at 2:37 pm #

      Thanks April!

      I wanted to smack myself upside the head : ) But I suppose mistakes help us learn humility and forgiveness too.

      Love ya right back!
      Kayla

  2. Rachel Self January 15, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

    This story is so me. It’s something I’m desperately working on but it’s hard to just apologize when I try to take control! I might apologize, but I still want to explain myself. But I’ve been so very convicted of it lately. I’m learning that apologizing, asking for forgiveness, and actually letting it go are (in the end) so rewarding. Thanks for the post!

    • Kayla Gulick January 15, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

      You’re SO welcome! I totaly relate to the need to explain myself. I use to talk 3,000 words at a time to my husband and in the end I was exhausting him to death instead of really making any points. “I’m sorry” goes a long way and the explanation is usually not even relevant after all.

  3. confused wife May 6, 2014 at 2:32 pm #

    Hi Kayla,
    this is my first time on your blog and I really enjoyed this one! Because I saw it as a link on another site and clicked it of course… because it is totally me!! (I hate this about myself) I sometimes feel obsessed with money, obsessed with paying bills on time, obsessed with making sure we tithe exactly 10% or else we’re doomed… just completely obsessed! How much will I spend at the grocery, how much can we spend on date night tonight, we cant drive here, we cant drive there because of gas, ugh! I am finally realizing its consuming my mind! I don’t know what to do about it… my husband is the EXACT opposite. Money really means nothing to him it feels like. I mean he has a job and works very hard! but when we go places he says “get whatever you want babe” Or will tell me to go shopping and buy my self something nice to take my mind off something if he sees i’m stressed or something, or he will randomly be like hey I need a new pair of shoes or whatever, but the thing is he has NO IDEA what I do every month paying all the bills and all the adding and subtracting constantly. He has told me before that it is such a blessing to him that I am in control of our bills because he thinks I am so good at it and he is not, and then after a few months I told him I couldn’t do it all anymore and he agreed to pay the car and ins. payment every month now and said for me to not worry about it. I like to do it all in a way because I know it blesses my husband, but also I dream about what it would be like to be the one to have no clue and just spend whatever. We have only been married for 7 months, we have our small apartment and our low bills and no children so its not like its a big big deal but I wonder what it will be like when we have kids! will he still have no idea? We will have so many more expenses and I can just feel it driving me crazy already… What should I do? Should I tell my husband im done with this and hand it all over to him? (which might still drive me crazy wondering if hes on time and what not) or if hes not going to take control in this area, how can I stop thinking about it all 24/7… please help, thank you!

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 2:41 pm #

      Hey girl! Boy can I relate to everything you just wrote from my own past!!!

      In my opinion, it’s actually good for you to be the saver since you’re married to a spender.

      I think they balance each other out. If it wasn’t for my husband, we’d never get to just “bless” ourselves because I always want the money to be spent only on exact necessities.

      Yet, it’s good for him that I don’t just blow everything we have every time I shop and then there is nothing left for him to spend either.

      To be honest, I just had to get out of the habit. I did freak at first…. and I realized that I didn’t need to go polar opposite to get myself in line with Christ.

      I pay the bills now because I’m home and I can do it… but I never get online and obsess about where we are anymore. I had to convince myself to stay away and fight through the anxiety. Once I went awhile without checking, I began to have more peace and trust that we could be fine without my obsession.

      I ask my husband before any major purchases, and he asks my opinion now too because he sees that I respect him and will get behind his decisions with support, or give a respectful suggestion as to why I think we shouldn’t do something.

      I hope this helps!!!

      • confused wife May 6, 2014 at 2:45 pm #

        very true, maybe if I stop checking so much the want for it will go away, I do know worrying is sin because I am saying God is not in control or He is not capable. I really don’t think we would ever bless ourselves either if it weren’t for my husband, so I should appreciate that instead of condemning it. Thank you for all your help and kind words!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 8 Simple Rules for Respecting my Husband « One True Wife - January 23, 2013

    […] I Gave Up Money Control-Update <www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com> […]

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