Risky…or a God thing?

6 Feb

On Sunday, I heard the words from my husband that made my heart jump into my throat.  I tried to remain calm, respectful, trusting, humble and as far from panic as possible…. but I think he knew I was squirming in my seat a little.  I suppose that’s OK.  He knows I’m working hard on respect and submission, and he knows I’m not perfect and this requires a lot of building new habits.

At any rate… he said “I know this isn’t the way you’d do it, but…”

Maybe that wouldn’t be SSSOOOO big of a pill to swallow…. if it wasn’t about to be followed by tapping into my current battle with finances.

I feel like giving the details of the conversation at this point would be premature, but I’m hoping I can express the inner turmoil of the situation by being vague at this point (though I’m sure I’ll get to fill you all in on the details some day!)

Let me start by saying, I’ve had to learn that DIFFERENT is NOT WRONG! DIFFERENT is DIFFERENT!

Since giving my husband the finances to manage, he definitely does it differently.  At times, it honestly feels a little wrong.  But, he hasn’t committed any sins, I’m totally taken care of, and best of all – I’m not carrying the burden and he’s getting the chance to lead like I never let him before.

That being said, I’m very organized, punctual, and methodical.

My husband has presented a plan to me that feels chaotic, reckless, and scary.

Notice the word feels. It’s very important to remember that our feelings are not always to be trusted.  We can feel things based on lies.  We  need to use wisdom to guide our feelings in the direction of truth.

In all honesty, the truth is that his plan has great benefits, some potential assets to our situation, and an opportunity to really grow in our faith.

I like his plan.  I’m scared of the results, but I REALLY like his plan!

Once I realized I liked his plan a lot, I started wondering…. Is this really risky, or is this a God thing?

We’ve tried A LOT of plans concerning this topic in our lives.  All which have left us exactly where we started.  We see numerous advantages to that reality, but also disappointment and the feeling that “this is impossible and things will never change.”

One key factor was in place every single time we put a plan together and tried to execute it previously.  I was leading.  This time, he’s leading.

Do I think that just because he’s calling the shots this time around, everything will magically fall into place with total perfection?  No.  Which is why I’m still sitting up in bed typing a blog post called “Risky or a God thing.”

To be honest, I don’t know what to expect.  Other than, I’m TOTALLY excited that my husband is leading, and I’m not only being challenged to lay down my fears and plans, but also realizing his ways aren’t wrong or painfully different after all… I might actually even like his way – AND it could work out to make my dreams come true!

Practical Application:

Thank God that my husband isn’t afraid to call the shots….even risky ones.

Accept that my husbands “got this” and he’ll make sure we’re OK, even if this does end up being “risky”.

Encourage & support my husband, and trust God to direct my husband down all the paths that are “a God thing!”


9 Responses to “Risky…or a God thing?”

  1. Stephanie February 6, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

    So excited to see where this path leads…

    • Kayla Gulick February 6, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

      Thanks Steph! So excited too! And can’t wait to share more details (when I have something firm to share!!)

  2. smashesmarie February 6, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

    If a husband and wife form a union, then why is it so awful if you manage the finances? Obviously you’re not hoarding all the money for yourself, and I’m guessing you asked for his help and input. I still can’t get on board with how it’s disrespectful..,

    • Kayla Gulick February 6, 2013 at 11:06 pm #

      Thanks for asking Ashley!

      The biggest reasons for me that it was disrespectful were because my control of the finances was causing me to struggle in other areas:
      1.) Pride. Even though we were both bringing in money, or more recently in the last 5 as I’ve stay home, only he was, I still grew extremely prideful if we were doing well financially. I took all the credit that it was because I made all the wise choices.
      2.) Fear. On the flip side of that, I grew very fearful if the money wasn’t where I wanted it to be. My mood would be easily swayed and I could be depressed if I felt anxiety over how we were sitting financially.
      3.) Control. Yes, I did run purchased past my husband, but when he ran purchases past me…. the truth is that I had total Veto power. If it wouldn’t fit into my budgeting comfort, I could Veto the decision. This led to ….
      4.) Lack of trust. I actually started to think when he’d ask me for things I didn’t *feel* we could afford that he couldn’t be trusted to make wise decisions.
      5.) Demasculating him. I actually started being his mother, babysitter, and protector and provider. Even though he was making the money… at the end of the day, I took care of everything! My first 4 offenses started spilling over into EVERY area of my life.

      I could list a few more, but really, those 5 were enough reason to give him his pants back and start resecting him again as a capable, intelligent, trustworthy man. I’ve come to see that men struggle FAR LESS with these things than *most* women do.

      If a woman doesn’t struggle with any of these issues – then she isn’t disrespecting her husband at all to handle the finances.
      I did struggle with these things though. It was more about general disrespect across the board, and not just a focus on “finances”

      I hope that helps explain where I’m coming from a little better.

      • smashesmarie February 6, 2013 at 11:38 pm #

        Okay, those reasons are much more sensible to me 😉 It sounds like, at the heart of it all, you were struggling more with control than with anything else? I can understand that, too. Of any man I’ve ever dated, the only one I ever trusted to make good decisions about things of importance is Jeramey, but he will tell you that it took me some time to feel comfortable with that.
        It is still something to get used to, and i think for me it is a lot about “unlearning” mistrust and the prideful feeling of knowing best. I’m not passing judgement, so please don’t think that. I just am interested in what this all means to you 🙂

      • Kayla Gulick February 7, 2013 at 6:50 am #

        Oh you are so right about the “unlearning” part!!!
        And yes, it wasn’t really “the money” that was ever the problem. It wa my control. I just have always trusted myself to make the best decisions, and felt too vulnerable when Josh would make decisions that didn’t follow how *I* would do it!

        I don’t feel any judgement at all! In fact, when I first heard about some of these changes I’m making myself…. I questioned them. It almost felt oppressive to women and I wasn’t on board with that feeling! It wasn’t until I uncovered the negative things I was doing, and the ways it might hurt Josh to do those things that I started actually paying attention and having a desire to make some changes to help our marriage run more smoothly and him to feel more like a man and me to back off and stop trying control everything!

  3. peacefulwife February 7, 2013 at 12:23 am #

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts on this journey. This is where you walk by faith. And I think you are both going to learn a LOT about God and each other. Whether the plan is financially a success isn’t really the main point. It is the spiritual lessons that are the main thing. 🙂 I can’t wait to share this!

    • Kayla Gulick February 7, 2013 at 6:52 am #

      Thanks April!

      I can’t wait to find out the ending… and all the great details in the middle of how God works everything out!!

      The post where I get to re-tell the story with all the details is going to be exciting!!


  1. I might have freaked out a little…. « Lessons Of Mercy - February 16, 2013

    […] you already know, Josh has taken the lead in our lives and put a plan into motion.  I’ve been leery of the plan a bit.  Not because it doesn’t provide the end results […]

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