What if ?

21 Apr

Some feelings just can’t be predicted.  I mean, you can have a guess – and your guess may be right; but still sometimes you just have to experience something to really know how you’d feel.

Sometimes I play this “game” with Josh and I say “what if….” and he tries to answer.  No, this is not his favorite game.  But he likes to humor me.  That is, until I ask a question that he can’t get his mind all the way around to answer.  The kind of question where you really and truly just can’t answer until you “have to” because as much as you want to say what you think you’d do, you also doubt in your right mind that you’d really do it.

Questions like, “If the doctor comes out and tells you that you can only save me or the baby, what would you do?”

And yes, I really did ask that question toward the end of the pregnancies of all four of our children.  I wanted to hear his heart on the matter and I wanted him to hear mine.

What’s funny is when you are totally sure without a doubt you can give a rapid fire answer because it’s an easy question and you are positive you know what you’d say, how you’d feel, and what you’d do – and then you shock yourself when the situation happens and you don’t do what you thought you would.

Like when my best friend asked me over a year ago how I’d feel if we ever moved.

I didn’t hesitate to say immediately – “Overjoyed. Ecstatic. Thrilled. Elated.”

She said, “Would you be sad?” I immediately said “No. I mean, we have great memories here, but this house has been such a source of frustration with its size and lack of storage that I’ll be so relieved to get out of here.”

Fast forward to today (which NO ONE would have or could have predicted would be happening) we’ve got boxes EVERYWHERE! We’re moving on Friday.  That’s in 5 days! (Which take note, I probably won’t be posting much this week or next week.  Bare with me!!)

And my emotions are out of control.

I am Overjoyed. Ecstatic. Thrilled. Elated.

I’m also experiencing a great deal of anxieties!  We are going to live on the corner of two really busy roads.  And my kids aren’t use to that.  ESPECIALLY my little two.  And my daughter is at that really fun stage where you call her name to come back to you, and she takes off running faster because she thinks it’s a fun game.

And – we’re going to have a pond.  Totally cool.  Totally TERRIFYING!!!

I’m also experiencing frustration.  The whole loan process, extra surprise expenses, deposits and installation fees are all really getting on my nerves and threatening to steal my joy.

And to my surprise – I am sad.  There are some really fun things we do on our property that have been really special to all of us.  And now they’ll be gone.

We’ll replace those things with new and awesome things – but they will be new things, they will no longer be the same things we’ve come to love.

Practical Application –

Keep playing the “what if” game.  It’s fun.  And it helps you get to know each other.  It really does.

Don’t hold yourself or anyone else to the “what if” game – because there is never a “what if” that won’t be affected by the reality of the situation if it should ever come to pass.

“You never know what you’d do or how strong you are, until you have to walk a road you never knew you would or believed you could.”

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