Always new, NEVER old.

29 May

About 6-7 years ago I was in a Bible Study with someone I thought was a very godly woman who always offered sound Biblical advice.  Since growing in the Lord myself and diving into God’s word without relying on others, I’ve learned she didn’t give as much wise counsel as I once thought.  I still think she’s a fantastic lady and loves the Lord, but I’ve held some of her words against scripture and I’m not overly excited that I once fell for what I believe to be untruth or poor advice.

One Wednesday while briefly discussing marriage (it wasn’t even the topic of our discussion) she said this phrase “My husband is like my old comfy slippers.  I can slip right into them and they fit perfectly without having to be broken in, and they leave me feeling comfortable.”

At first thought, that doesn’t sound so bad! I mean, I know what she was trying to get across.  She feels safe, welcome and comfortable with her husband.  None of that is bad.

But in the context of marriage – I don’t think it’s wise to leave anyone with the thought that they’ve truly arrived when their husband feels like their old comfy slippers.

Why?

For these reasons.

1.) Everything that is “old” eventually gets put in the attic or throw away.

What does that look like in marriage?  Put in the attic – ignored.  Throw away – divorced.

2.) Once something gets “comfortable” it’s easy to take it for granted or for it to become complacent in your life.  There is a difference between feeling “intimate” and feeling “comfortable”.

In marriage – intimacy makes us feel safe and free.  However, feeling comfortable leaves us feeling too relaxed and unconcerned with additional work that might need done.  After all, what do we say when we’re relaxing?  “Ohhhh, I’m too comfortable, I don’t feel like moving.”

How sad for our spouse if we’re all done putting in work because we’re comfortable now.

3.) Marriage is best when it’s new every day.  The best marriages I know are ones where the husband and wife and continually growing in the Lord AND in their relationship with each other.  We’ve never “done” studying our spouse.

You know what it’s like to get a new pair of shoes – you pick out an outfit that matches just so you can wear the shoes to feel good in them, show them off, and enjoy your purchase.

Even though those comfy old slippers feel good on your feet after a long day, you’d never pick them to go out of the house in.

The same is true for marriage.  If your marriage is old and comfortable – there is no excitement to go out together to feel good, show each other off to the world, and enjoy the marriage you have.

An “old” marriage is much more likely to spend the evening comfortably with both spouses enjoying relaxation (which sadly often includes them focusing on their own interests – even with each spouse in a separate room.)

4.) The way we describe our spouse is important, not just as a reflection of our hearts opinion of them, but also as a witness to others.

Which of these descriptions would you want to be if you were a husband?

Comfy, old, worn in slippers.

A new car – with all the bells and whistles and even that new car smell.

See what I mean?

5.) It sounds a bit degrading and like the focus of marriage is selfish with the above description.

Comfy slippers are good because we’ve broken them in the way we want them and they are formed to our feet.

Is it our goals as a wife to break our husbands in the way we want them so they are formed to please us?

I so hope our husbands please us, but not out of wear and tear and manipulation of being used.

 

All that to say, I know she didn’t mean to imply all that with her statement.  But our words carry much weight.

I cherish my marriage.  I hope I’d never describe it as old comfy slippers. I hope my words reflect a more exciting, fresh, deepening, growing,  incredible, beautiful treasure that I want to show off and keep polished and brand new.

Practical Application –

Reflect on how I feel about my marriage.

Think of ways to describe it now, so if I’m ever put on the spot, I have words ready to use.

(Scripture tells us to be ready to give a reason for why we believe what we believe.  I think the same applies for marriage.  Be ready to give an explanation for why your marriage is different in Christ than the way the world views and lives out marriage.)

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4 Responses to “Always new, NEVER old.”

  1. Jenn May 29, 2013 at 2:13 pm #

    Again, another good one! I also applied a recent post just today when talking to a friend about my husband. She often asks how he’s doing or, if he’s in a better mood than the last time we talked. Just TODAY, I realized, I wonder if she enjoys when I vent about him? So today, I said, he’s great. Sometimes we both feel that we don’t have our needs met, so it hurts and we were able to talk about that together, him and I. But I refused to go into detail about his/my conversation that was only for us and only matters to us and our marriage. And as I was walking and talking and REALIZING, a snapshot of your blog page entered my mind and I was more careful of the words I chose to share with her. Thank you!

    • Kayla Gulick May 29, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

      Wow Jenn – that’s incredibly humbling. Thank you for sharing that with me.

      And GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! It’s so easy to vent – especially when someone else agrees or has similar circumstances. Women have male bashing sessions DAILY! It’s really hard to keep distance of those conversation because they often pull so easily on things we wish were happening or needs that arent being met….but your strength is an encouragement to me!!

      I love real life stories where God gives a woman the power to walk away!!

      How are things going with the pregnancy???

  2. Roger Tharpe June 2, 2013 at 7:09 pm #

    Very insightful!

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