Don’t Stop Pursuing Your Spouse

4 Jun

I shared in a post a couple of days ago that when marriage gets comfortable – people get lazy and needs go unmet.

It would have taken away from the post to elaborate on that then, so I decide to write a separate post about that topic.

Don’t get married to stop dating, you’ll end up miserable.  Get married because you agree to date the same person for the rest of your life.

Far too many men and women end up depressed in their marriage because things their spouse use to do when they were dating, they stopped doing once they got married.


We lose motivation. We get comfortable.  We get selfish. We get busy.  We gain justifications and retaliations over time, especially if we feel like they could be doing more too.

But the truth is, the world will never stop pursuing our spouses.

Other people, entertainment, money, hobbies, sports, shopping, anything you can possibly think of is always pulling and tugging for our time, attention, affection, admiration, energy and commitment.

If our spouse gives his heart away to someone or something else, is that our fault?  No.  For we know as Christians what a married man and woman are called to in marriage.  We can’t demand or force the actions of others.  We can influence them, but we all answer for our own actions.

However, knowing that scripture says we shouldn’t do anything to cause our brothers to stumble (Romans 14:21), why would we let their needs go unmet and leave them open to Satan to be devoured?

Why aren’t we more jealous over our spouses?  Our God is a jealous God for us.  And if our marriages are to reflect Christ and the Church, then why aren’t we more jealous for our spouses hearts?

Do we really think we can keep their hearts if we stop pursuing them?  Stop serving them?  Stop sending love notes?  Stop dressing up for them? Stop going out on dates?  Stop laughing together? Stop holding hands? Stop giving compliments? Stop listening to them? Stop supporting them?  Stop making out?  Stop making eyes and flirting? Stop asking about and supporting things they like to do?

Again, let me emphasize….Love is verb and a choice.  We can give love even when our spouse doesn’t deserve it.  And they can love us when we don’t deserve it.  But is that the kind of marriages we really want?  Marriages where there is love on the grounds that the other person took their vows seriously even though their spouse is not loveable?

Or might it send the world a better message about marriage if we live it out the way God intended it to reflect His great unconditional, constant love for us?  He is always pursuing us, blessing us, comforting us, and providing for us.  He didn’t use to do those things and then stop once we believed in and put our trust in Him.


Today might be a good day for some marriage practical application:

1.) Make a list of all the things I use to do when we were dating or first married that I’ve stopped doing because it’s been crowded out by other things or I’ve gotten comfortable or lazy.

2.) Think long and hard (and pray for God to help me think) about things my spouse has said in the last 6 months that he needs/wants and come up with ways I can begin meeting those needs today.

3.) Plan a date night.  And go all out.

4.) Make a list of all the things I’ve put before my spouse, and confess them to him and ask forgiveness. And then, make adjustments to put all those things after my spouse in my list of priorities.

5.) Ask my spouse about any needs that might be going unmet – and agree not to argue, but to be thankful, and add those to the list of things I am going to work on.


* I don’t know that this is needed, but incase this is anyone’s very first post they are reading, I feel like I should add – I’m not suggesting that our hearts shouldn’t first and foremost belong to God.  They absolutely should.  God gets first place.  He gets the best of us.  But He gave us  marriage as a reflection of the relationship of Jesus to His Bride (the Church) so I feel very safe in saying that, to give that display – He wanted us ALL in, SOLD out, LIVING out marriage according to His commands in scripture with intent and passion.  Marriage is a covenant relationship with our spouse AND God.  So loving our spouses and pursuing them, in my mind IS keeping God FIRST and honoring the holy one who created the institution of marriage in the first place.


2 Responses to “Don’t Stop Pursuing Your Spouse”

  1. odoyo123 June 5, 2013 at 2:42 am #

    Reblogged this on ochelepep and commented:
    Indeed right

  2. Victor Ho June 5, 2013 at 9:55 am #

    Thanks for visiting my blog. All the best to you. In response to this post I can say I’ve been married 30 years and leave it at that.

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