What is the big deal about sex anyway?

20 Feb

Strap on your seatbelts baby – we’re going on a week-long ride.  I have thought about writing on this subject and turning it into a series ever since I taught this material to a group of women a couple of years ago and it really impacted us all, however, I just never took the plunge. I’ve dabbled bits of information in numerous posts so a little of this might ring a bell, but I’ve never wrote about this subject how I’m about to this time. It must not have been the right time.  But now, is the right time.  And we’re going ALL. THE. WAY.

This is what the series will consist of: (I’ll fill these links back in as the posts are published so that you can share just this page with all the resources in one place if that’s something you desire to do once we’re all done.  There will be additional links to some incredible Christians who have already posted on these topics too!)

Part 1 – What is the big deal about sex anyway?

Part 2 – Fake it ’til you make it, absolutely not!!

Part 3 – I’m bringing sexy back, move over worldly girls.

Part 4 – Oral, are you serious?

Part 5 – Don’t promise with words, promise with action.

I just can’t forget it – follow up post.

You want me to what?! – follow up post.

Hey look, I’m just not in the mood, OK?!

So let’s dive in, shall we?

First and foremost, we have to define sex.  Because let’s face it.  The world has a definition and the church has a definition.  And guess what?  I think they are both lousy.

The world says that sex is recreational play between two consenting adults.  It’s just a part of our biological nature and it’s a pleasure release to be enjoyed as often as one desires.

The church says that sex is recreational play between two consenting adults, but you have to slap some rules on there.  You can’t have sex before marriage and sex is meant for a man and woman – not for two men or two women or with animals.

Which leaves all of us with the wrong idea.  We’re stuck somewhere between thinking sex is meant for pleasure only (or making babies) but you have to follow rules for it to be right before God.

If you don’t believe in God – that’s easy enough to throw the rules out the window.

If you do believe in God, you’re totally on your own to figure it all out because Christian women better not dare talk about and use words out loud in front of others like penis, clitoris, orgasm and oral or anal sex.

Oh no.  Cover your eyes and plug your ears, someone in the church might be talking about private matters. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom.  All we need to say is “do it within marriage.”  End of discussion.

We could just let the unsaved world keep painting us a picture. They desire to let us WATCH it all.

And look where that has got us.

What does Scripture say about sex? Scripture uses the word Echad. Echad means fused together at the deepest level.  So if our flesh is Echad through sex, that means two LITERALLY BECOME ONE in body and soul – both physically and spiritually.

If we put the word Echad in the world’s definition, we’re lying with our bodies. We’re becoming LITERALLY one with someone we have made no permanent commitment to, and then ripping Echad and losing half ourselves when we separate.  Over time, and multiple partners, we’ve fused and torn ourselves into objects literally dehumanizing ourselves to become pleasurable toys for people instead of cementing to one person becoming a direct reflection of Christ and His Church.

In a marriage, sex is a beautiful and incredibly pleasurable way to commit and recommit over and over the honesty of Echad. This activity is crucial for permanently cementing two people together so NOTHING can separate them.

Do you think that’s too strong?  NOTHING can separate them? When two married adults are arguing about something, what is the first thing to go? Sex.  Couples have been known to withhold sex as a weapon and also kick one person to the couch or travel there themselves to put further space between the one flesh relationship.

Are you getting on each other’s nerves a lot lately?  How often are you celebrating Echad?  I can promise you from personal experience and the testimony of multiple other couples, the less you have sex – the less you feel like you’re on the same team and will find you spend more time in disagreement.

The church needs to stop defining sex as recreational play in marriage and start preaching it’s Echad fusion. That takes care of explaining “the rules” all by itself.  And — we need to start being real about how to enjoy sex for both men and women.  How to make the fusion and bonding so emotional that you constantly crave the chance to celebrate it over and over again.

Without the pleasure, it becomes hard to intentionally have sex.  And if sex is necessary to keep us bonded so nothing can separate us, then we need to figure out how to make it the most enjoyable activity EVER!!

And we’re gonna do that here in the next four posts.

Practical Application:

Spend some time thinking about the Biblical definition and reason for sex.

Start asking the tough questions.  Am I actively celebrating Echad? Do I even like sex? Is there any pleasure?  Am I giving any pleasure? Can sex really be something I crave over and over again?  Is it seriously necessary to keep us bonded in all areas of our life so nothing can separate us?

21 Responses to “What is the big deal about sex anyway?”

  1. howsyourlovelife February 20, 2014 at 10:48 am #

    Woo hoo! Looking forward to this!

    • Kayla Gulick February 20, 2014 at 1:35 pm #

      I’m glad for the encouragement because truth be told…. I have butterflies a little bit. Big topic — touchy for many. But – feeling the push to write.

  2. Jeannie Davis February 20, 2014 at 11:17 am #

    Kayla I am so glad you are doing this! Our society has skewed the meaning of sex so much that it becomes a chore for most wives and others it is simply a duty. Maybe this will be an eye opener for some! Thanks for doing the UNTHINKABLE! LOL Looking forward to it!

    • Kayla Gulick February 20, 2014 at 1:38 pm #

      You’re welcome and you’re sadly so right. I don’t know if this will open any eyes or not, but I’m praying it challenges Christian married couples to cement their marriages with joy, pleasure, and purpose so everything stops dividing them.

      • Dan April 13, 2014 at 4:56 pm #

        Ditto!

  3. Stephanie February 20, 2014 at 4:30 pm #

    As a person that was part of that original group of women, I am so looking forward to this! You and I both know I struggled with this topic prior to the group discussion, so I’m hoping everyone can keep an open mind and hear you out…
    Love you girl!!

    • Kayla Gulick February 20, 2014 at 5:37 pm #

      I am REALLY glad you just added that. This is a VERY TOUCHY subject for a lot of women, and it can be easy to get on the defensive before even digging into it all. Your feedback could be REALLY beneficial all the way through this series since you were part of the original group with much of this material.

  4. morganbarnes33 February 20, 2014 at 4:44 pm #

    I just came across your blog from the peacefulwife :), and might I say, it was perfect timing! I look forward to the next few posts! Thank you for covering this topic! I am sure to learn quite a bit.

    • Kayla Gulick February 20, 2014 at 5:39 pm #

      Welcome! I’m glad to have you. You’ll soon learn that the community is the most important part of blogging to me. A safe and loving place for Christians to come together and be totally real and honest. Even when it’s hard. Sometimes God has a way of hooking us up with people we never knew we needed in our lives. I’m thankful you’re a person I need 🙂

  5. learningever February 20, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

    Very good for you! In the process of Gods marriage transformation in my marriage, I realized that I needed to learn more about my body to enjoy making love more. I had shame issues also, which brought me to the place of bringing it to The Lord. After all He created it, right? Learning has been very helpful and freeing. My DH and I have loved it! Bring it on Sister! Why would God create such a wonderful, out of this world good feeling if he didn’t want us to ENJOY it!

    • Kayla Gulick February 20, 2014 at 7:08 pm #

      Exactly! You bring up good points. We’re going to get into body issues and learning and teaching your body. I’m so glad you did some research and took action. Your marriage will be forever better.

  6. Dan March 27, 2014 at 6:26 pm #

    Looking forward to reading more.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Fake it ’til you make it, absolutely not!! (Part 2 of 5) | Lessons Of Mercy - February 21, 2014

    […] you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to […]

  2. I’m bringing sexy back, move over worldly girls. (Part 3 of 5) | Lessons Of Mercy - February 22, 2014

    […] you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to gather […]

  3. Oral, are you serious? (Part 4 of 5) | Lessons Of Mercy - February 23, 2014

    […] you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to gather […]

  4. Don’t promise with words, promise with action. (Part 5 of 5) | Lessons Of Mercy - February 24, 2014

    […] you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to gather […]

  5. So…you don’t like me. | Lessons Of Mercy - February 28, 2014

    […] guess what — I got a LOT of support for my recent sex series (public comments and private emails and new followers).  However, I got a little backlash, some […]

  6. You want me to WHAT?! | Lessons Of Mercy - March 1, 2014

    […] going to write a couple posts addressing a few comments to my sex series that came publicly and through private […]

  7. I just can’t forget it. | Lessons Of Mercy - March 4, 2014

    […] going to tackle another comment and concern that arose during the sex series I posted 2 weeks […]

  8. Hey look, I’m just not in the mood, OK?! | Lessons Of Mercy - March 13, 2014

    […] I believe this is the last one, for now. If you missed a week of blogs, or are new here…. you can catch the whole series by starting HERE.  I’ll warn you, it’s challenging.  However, I’ll also say, emails, FB messages […]

  9. When Your Husband Rejects You | Peacefulwife's Blog - April 1, 2014

    […] Please check out my good friend, Kayla’s amazing series on sex in marriage […]

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