I’m bringing sexy back, move over worldly girls. (Part 3 of 5)

22 Feb

If you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to gather all the information in a series to gain the full benefit and understand where we’ve been and where we’re going.

 If you are in an abusive marriage, a marriage with continual habitual sin (like an addiction or an affair) or have a past that contains sexual abuse or rape, please seek professional help.  This series is not written with the intent to address these exceptional situations, but rather is being written for married Christian couples who are seeking the truth about sex within marriage assuming there are no abusive or habitual sinful behaviors taking place.

Move over worldly girls?  What exactly are you getting at here?

If you don’t believe in Satan, then this post will mean nothing to you.  And if you don’t believe that Satan roams the Earth looking for souls to devour, and that he is insanely beautiful and his temptations play deeply into our actual God-given needs and desires…. just stop and don’t read any further.  Because you’ll just end up feeling like you wasted your time.

For the rest of us, one of Satan’s greatest games comes in the form of worldly women.  The way they talk, the way they dress, the way they entice, the way they beg, the way they tease, the way they flirt, the way they give so freely, and the way they care about nobody else but themselves — they are after one thing and one thing only…. EVERY. SINGLE. MAN. ON. THIS. PLANET.

They aren’t just chasing the tale of those super-model gorgeous types.  They are wolves, and they want every single guy to drool over them and gawk out of the corner of their eye, no matter how old he is, what he looks like, and if he’s married or not.

And every truly Godly man on the planet has a battle to fight each day.  The temptations are everywhere.  And their desire is REAL and TOTALLY GOD-GIVEN.

If you miss that point, you’ll walk away without being changed.  Listen to this again.

THEIR DESIRE FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION THROUGH NAKED, SEXY, BEGGING WOMEN IS 100% GOD-GIVEN!!!

It is no mistake that men crave women’s bodies.  God CREATED sex… and without excitement, the penis wouldn’t become erect enough to function properly.

So to think that arousal from visual stimulation and inviting women isn’t normal is foolishness.

Do these women who entice our husbands realize how destructive they are?  Some of them do.  And others don’t.  I never said Satan only used those who knew what they were doing.  He can trick anyone into sinning – and make them think they are actually doing something good or normal.

Do you know why the success of the porn industry is so great? It’s for two reasons.

1.) Satan thrives on tricking and trapping us by exposing our real honest God-given desires and needs and coaxing us into fulfilling them in sinful ways.

2.) These women appear to truly desire the men looking and watching.

WOW! That number two is a game changer.

Before I get hateful comments and emails let me clear two things up really quickly.

1.) I am not at all saying that men only sin because women dress or act a certain way.  Of course a man has the choice to give into temptation or not.

2.) I am not at all ABOUT to say that wives are responsible for whether their husbands sin sexually or not.

However, wives – we have a choice.

We can stand up and fight for our man and marriage against Satan, or, we can sit back and blame him relentlessly for having desires we don’t feel like filling.

Let’s talk about how we bring sexy back into our  marriage like nothing he’s ever seen before.

It’s all about ONE thing.  Are you ready for it?

CONFIDENCE.

When you command the bedroom with confidence, that is the SEXIEST your body can ever look no matter what your hang ups are (and we’ll get to those in a minute.)

I’m not suggesting you’ll be able to do all these things by tonight, but start small and stay focused on getting better and better.

Take your clothes off for him.  Crawl around on the bed.  Talk sexy.  Look at him like he’s the sexiest man you’ve ever seen.  Put his hands on you and beg him to make love to you.

What’s that?

Oh.  You’re too fat right now?  You have acne? The kids left you with some stretch marks? Your boobs shrunk two sizes? You have some cellulite on your thighs or butt?

Check, check, check, check and check…. I’ve said them all at different times.

I know you don’t believe me, but you’re gonna have to come to grips with this truth some day…. or you’re going to miss out on the joy God truly created the marriage bed to be.  Your husband doesn’t care and he doesn’t see you like you see you.

With dim lights, intimate and sexy talk you never say in front of anyone else and confidence, he can’t see any of that… and his mind is TOTALLY elsewhere anyway.  And even if the lights were totally on…. his visual is not your visual.

You have something over every other woman on this planet as an arsenal if you decide to strap on your armor and start fighting for your marriage bed.

HE. LOVES. YOU.

If the woman he loves is confidently rolling around in the sheets with him, everyone else becomes invisible. Even when you’re apart, he’s picturing you naked in that crazy position the two of you made-up last night that blew his mind. And the girl at the grocery store has to look for new prey to try to lure in her trap.

But just to be real with you…. when your husband committed to marry you, he agreed to enjoy every ounce of sexual desire he could muster up with you and you alone.  Take some pride in that.  Keep up with yourself.

Am I saying you have to work out like a fool to be a size zero and get plastic surgery?  No.  That’s ridiculous.

But if you’re not feeling good about yourself and it’s messing with your confidence…. then take some pride in the commitment he made to you and do something about it, so you can give him everything you want him to have for the rest of his life.

Find a way to get some of the weight off, go see a dermatologist, buy some lingerie to cover the parts you’re struggling with so you can command the bedroom without feeling too exposed.

And for heaven’s sake…. don’t start believing he isn’t worth it.  The minute you think that, that’s the very moment you’ve given up on Echad.  And that means, you’ve given up on your marriage…. even if you never ask him for a divorce.  You can divorce him in your actions, without ever signing a single paper.

Practical Application:

Start small, but be intentional.

Maybe the safest thing you can think of is to start by sending suggestive text messages that are confident and initiative but not actually you performing a strip tease.

Awesome.  Start there.  But resolve in your heart that you’re as committed to him as you want him to be to you.  And don’t give up.  Get your confidence back and fight for your husband’s sexual desires. Once you really realize how beautiful it is that he has those desires, and you have the power to unlock every ounce of pleasure he’s ever felt…. you’ll realize how good it is that he begs you for sex everyday.

Here’s some awesome resources on this subject from another awesome blogger!

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22 Responses to “I’m bringing sexy back, move over worldly girls. (Part 3 of 5)”

  1. howsyourlovelife February 22, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    I’m loving this series…and I found a new blogger to follow!

    • Kayla Gulick February 22, 2014 at 10:47 am #

      Forgivenwife? Wait until the oral post tomorrow and the links to that. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Elizabeth February 22, 2014 at 10:32 am #

    Kayla, You’re so right that we need to love our husbands without inhibitions. Just a suggestion: why not find another word for “dirty” in “dirty talk”? This perpetuates the idea that sex is somehow bad or sinful. How about “sexy talk”? Your courage in confronting this issue was just what the Christian world needed. Thank you!

    • Kayla Gulick February 22, 2014 at 10:50 am #

      I love that suggestion! I’ll use sexy talk from here on out. Thanks for reading along and offering up ideas that make this helpful to everyone else too! I really appreciate it.

      • ForgivenWife February 22, 2014 at 2:57 pm #

        I wrote about this same thing in another one of my posts (http://forgivenwife.com/2013/12/15/which-words-do-you-use/). Being sexy is good and holy, and when say it is dirty, our thinking changes.

        Kayla, thanks for including a link to one of my posts here!

      • Kayla Gulick February 22, 2014 at 3:13 pm #

        No problem! I’ll be including the oral material in the next one. That stuff is gold! 🙂

      • ForgivenWife February 22, 2014 at 3:21 pm #

        I happen to agree with you. 🙂

  3. Meagan February 22, 2014 at 1:27 pm #

    Love this!!!!

  4. trixie1466 February 23, 2014 at 9:46 pm #

    Kayla,

    I really like your blog and love this series in particular, but I have one concern about this post.

    The way you portray “worldly girls” (that sounds a little judgmental. Sorry) as being intentionally evil is just not true for most of those women/girls. Most are looking for love and affirmation in the only way they’ve learned that works. They aren’t trying to steal every man, they’re looking for one man to say they’re loved and worthy of attention. They are also looking for Jesus, but don’t even realize it. IMO

    • Kayla Gulick February 24, 2014 at 6:41 am #

      Hey Trixie1466!!

      I’m so glad you brought that point up. I thought I might be breezing past my description of worldly girls quickly, but I like to keep my posts at 1,000-1,200 words and didn’t want to drag it out too much.

      You might have glanced over this paragraph I did include and miss it.
      “Do these women who entice our husbands realize how destructive they are? Some of them do. And others don’t. I never said Satan only used those who knew what they were doing. He can trick anyone into sinning – and make them think they are actually doing something good or normal.”

      I don’t judge wordly girls. I was TOTALLY one of them. Even when married in the beginning because I was missing things from my husband and was very tempted to fill that void in other ways.

      I wouldn’t suggest that these women all want every man to leave their spouse and fight for her. But I do think that from my own experience and from talking with many people on this matter that indeed women who are being convinced by Satan to fulfill these voids (like you described – needing love and needing Jesus) in sinful ways, intend to walk in a room and hope they can at least turn the heads of every man there to make sure they “got it.”

      Not all wordly girls are the same. Some actually know exactly what they’re doing and are vicious. And some have no idea, and operate on a very small scale just hoping to get the single guys in the room to pay her attention.

      But – at the end of the day, I don’t judge them. But I loathe Satan — and I think he operates through them to manipulate beauty, cause quarrels and unrealistic expectations between women, and serve as a sexual temptation for men.

      I hope that helps clear up what I intended to really say.

  5. Dan April 13, 2014 at 8:55 pm #

    “THEIR DESIRE FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION THROUGH NAKED, SEXY, BEGGING WOMEN IS 100% GOD-GIVEN!!!”
    It is no mistake that men crave women’s bodies…So to think that arousal from visual stimulation and inviting women isn’t normal is foolishness.”

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Husbands are so worn out getting beat over the head when our desire manifests itself. It was that same desire that drew us to our wives. If our wives would think of ways to capitalize on our desires by playing to them instead of trying to suppress and sublimate them they could stop worrying about the other women who may well be playing to our desires.-“These women appear to truly desire the men looking and watching…However, wives – we have a choice.We can stand up and fight for our man and marriage against Satan, or, we can sit back and blame him relentlessly for having desires we don’t feel like filling.” We men want to be desired too, like you wives and we want our desires to be fulfilled just as you do. Because our desires are more physical than yours, though also driven by emotion, does not make them immediately disgusting, distasteful, disrespectful, or perverse. It would be like us saying all your desires are tied up with unstable emotions that change day to day, with the time of the month, and the phases of the moon so why even try to satisfy them. We all have needs that we want met. To not try meeting them for one another because we don’t understand them or accept them is selfish on our part.

    “When you command the bedroom with confidence, that is the SEXIEST your body can ever look no matter what your hang ups are…”-Honestly speaking, I have been in situations where the prettiest, best built girl in the room was NOT the most desirable one in the room. The overweight one with less of a Aphrodite figure and Venus face was the HOTTEST girl because of her personality and confidence in her sexuality. That confidence made her appear sensuous to all the guys. One could argue, “You mean they were all sure she was the one who was going to put out,” and I wouldn’t argue the possible truth of that. But I would then argue they got that impression because of her reading the desires of the men, playing to them (flirting), and having the confidence to know her flirting COULD be sexually productive if she desired it to be.

    “Your husband doesn’t care and he doesn’t see you like you see you.And even if the lights were totally on…. his visual is not your visual…he’s picturing you naked in that crazy position the two of you made-up last night that blew his mind…I know you don’t believe me, but you’re gonna have to come to grips with this truth some day…. or you’re going to miss out on the joy God truly created the marriage bed to be”-So true. Even with the lights TOTALLY on. (We should be so lucky. How many movie love scenes and how much porn is shot in lighting so dim you can barely tell which is the man and which is the woman and what’s happening.) Girls, ladies, we ARE NOT looking at your cellulite, need of a pedicure, slight stubble on your legs or under you arms, the hair bushing outside the underwear, any stretch marks, how “weird” your labia looks or its color, same for your nipples, and that some of the perky is gone. I HEAR you. “If you don’t really notice, how is it you know bring all of this up here and now.” BECAUSE it is what you women constantly write about on blogs when it comes to body image problems. You would like to think we don’t notice so some of the needless pressure is off of you. YET, you REFUSE to believe us when we say we DON”T notice or even care if we do. We are way too into the sexual experience of HAVING OUR DESIRES MET (Where have you heard that before?) to notice or care. We’re having sex!!! Kids banging on the door? Don’t care. Phone ringing? Don’t care. Dinner will be late? I’m having dinner in bed, thank you. Breast aren’t as perky? Nipples off color and too big/small? Couldn’t say. My mouth is full right this second. Vulva off color and “weird.” Can’t say. NOT ENOUGH LIGHT IN THIS ROOM and either my hand is covering it or something else of mine is blocking the view. GOT THE PICTURE GIRLS. WE. DO. NOT. CARE! It’s you, it’s sex with you, and it’s HOT. Get it on and get over it.

    OR “you’re going to miss out on the joy God truly created the marriage bed to be.”

    That is the straight-up, honest-to-God truth as told YET AGAIN by one more loving husband. “Here endeth the lesson.” Love it when Sean Connery says that in the Untouchables. Costner says it too, but not with THAT accent.

    • Kayla Gulick April 14, 2014 at 6:35 am #

      Thank you for sharing your own personal experience here. I appreciate when my readers are vulnerable and explain themselves so others have more ways to understand and look at things (from both men and women!)

    • trixie1466 April 14, 2014 at 3:21 pm #

      Dan,

      I see you’ve found a new pulpit, LOL.

      “Girls, ladies, we ARE NOT looking at your cellulite, need of a pedicure, slight stubble on your legs or under you arms, the hair bushing outside the underwear, any stretch marks, how “weird” your labia looks or its color, same for your nipples, and that some of the perky is gone.”

      Are you seriously trying to be helpful here? Or are you seeing just how far you can push the envelope on this sweet gal’s blog?

      Now there are probably going to be a few ladies wondering if there is something “weird” about their parts. Do us a favor and stop helping. 😉

      Perhaps instead of responding with a blog post as a comment you could include a link to your own blog?

      Trixie

      • Dan April 14, 2014 at 6:54 pm #

        Trixie,

        I don’t make this stuff up. I read it all over the net on relationship and sexuality blogs. We can dance around it until the cows come home, or have a truthful, productive conversation. As a man, I won’t mention that you think I think you’re fat, or underendowed, or not pretty, or in some other way inadequate. If I say you’re not fat, you’ll find something esle to beat yourself up about. You don’t want my help, you just want me to listen? I tell you the truth, you don’t belive me? All the aforementioned physical issues have been given as reasons not to have sex, or be seen naked or semi-nude. I won’t mention them if you don’t, but please allow them to dictate the quality of our shared sex life. Let me use the fact I haven’t shaved my legs in 3 days as a reason not to have sex solely because it matters to me even though YOU COULD CARE LESS and just want to be close to me in a way that a man does. I’ll be shaving Friday. Talk to me then. Really? That’s how we should handle this? Wait until I am totally comfortable? When will that be?

        I get that women need to be totally relaxed, mind clear and in the mood to desire and enjoy sex, but when all these other things over which women have little of no control are agents of refusal because their husbands might notice, that’s being a bit to self-absorbed. Let’s all wait until perfection is achieved in six of seven personal areas before we can completely invest ourselves in an intimate experience. That’s my point. That and the fact that women seem to keep raising the bar on themselves when they get close. If you haven’t figured it out yet, it frustrates me that women are so willing to find a chain of never-ending faults in themselves which keeps them from ever achieving confidence and rising to their greatest potential as wives, mothers, lovers and a social force. I am truly sorry if my addressing it so frankly rankles you, but I want to see it change in spite of the resistance of the victims. I have self-confidence issues too, but I do know and own my strengths. I just want to see more women do the same. Sorry if the medicine is bitter. Not mad at you though. Don’t ever think that. We just agree to disagree.

      • trixie1466 April 14, 2014 at 7:10 pm #

        Dan,

        I don’t disagree with the message that we need to get over ourselves. However the way you delivered your message was unnecessarily crude. This is not a sex blog and such graphic descriptions aren’t really needed here. You could have just as easily made your point in about half the words and with less graphic examples as you did in your reply to me.

        The graphic nature of your comments are inappropriate IMO, on a blog that doesn’t have sex as it’s main topic or even a frequent topic. But I’d be happy to have this discussion with you if you’d care to start a thread on TMB. http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/index.php

        Trixie

      • Kayla Gulick April 14, 2014 at 7:35 pm #

        I’m going to go ahead and weigh back in here.

        Thank you Trixie for the concern for my blog and my readers. Sex isn’t usually a hot topic here. This series was a stretch for me… but I think one that was beneficial for most.

        However, I do have the power to delete any comment I feel is inappropriate but I’ve chosen to leave Dan’s thoughts.

        I will agree they were long enough to be stand alone posts (I gather Dan that you’re a blogger of a sex site or have authored quite a few messages on this topic 😉 ) I think because they were written as comments clearly marked by his name… it’s at the mercy of my readers to read them and know that they are his opinions and suggestions, not necessarily mine or the way I would write things.

        But there were definitely some great points made.

        Thank you both for being here and dialoguing with respect!

  6. Dan April 14, 2014 at 8:40 pm #

    Peace. Edit or delete as you see fit. I believe I have said that elsewhere on another comment here. If not, consider it said now. Thank you for regarding the dust-up between Trixie and myself as a dialog, That’s the way I looked at it. Fiery, yes; but not intentionally disrespectful by either of us. Admittedly, my discourse is not a delicate as Trixie’s, thus the name of my blog which by the way is not a dedicated sex blog, but does not shy from the topic either. We’ll both return to neutral corners, now. 🙂 See you at some point at TMB, Trixie.

    • trixie1466 April 15, 2014 at 3:10 pm #

      Dan,
      Okay, see you around TMB then. Retreating to my neutral corner now. 🙂

      Trixie

  7. rena June 10, 2014 at 4:08 pm #

    Hi! I am enjoying this series and am wanting to know how I can contact you outside of this blog. Do you have en email or facebook that you use? I was that worldy girl before Christ chose me as his child and adopted me into his family and yes, I knew excatly what I was doing and yes my goal was to get any man as you described and it is so much worse than that and yes ladies should fight for their man because not all girls like me end up getti my redeemed. It’s complicated but when all said and done it was sin. I would love to talk more about this and give some insite into the mind of the evil girls but am not passed the shame of my past (I know… forgiven.. but oh boy… such shame!) So I am not sure if I can post publicly!

    If you don’t want to post contact info publicly would you be oposed to contacting me at the address anonymously atached to this comment?

    Oh if so I had to alter my email becuase it was brining up my gravatar which was not so anonymous! Just add a dot between the first and second letters and thats my real email.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. What is the big deal about sex anyway? | Lessons Of Mercy - February 22, 2014

    […] Part 3 – I’m bringing sexy back, move over worldly girls. […]

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