Let it go.

26 Mar

Right, right… the title reminds you of the Disney song from the movie Frozen.  I wasn’t a fan of that movie. I have a whole list of reasons – but since everyone seems to LOVE it, I better not blog about it.  I’ll be down to zero followers.

I’m not talking about the movie Frozen today – however, I’m talking about a Frozen Heart.

There are some of you that used to be Lessons of Mercy followers WAY back when I use to blog on BlogSpot, and walked through life with me while I faced broken relationships and unforgiveness.  I spent a few months in counseling (I think EVERYONE should go to counseling at least once in their life!!) and getting to the bottom of all my bitterness.

It was through that time that God really unveiled the spiritual gift of Mercy in my life (hence the name change, blog location, and fresh start.)

My relationships with some people in my life were a mess.

It had reached the point of never communicating again.  It was broken.  It was over. It was NEVER, EVER able to be fixed again. (Oh, how little I knew of the power of God at that moment in my life.)

I had a list of hurts that were brutal. Unacceptable. Unforgivable. Inconceivable.

And, they were never going to change anyway, so what did it matter if I liked them or not?!

Sure, I hurt them too… but by golly, I had a right to at this point.

Do you see the problem yet?

I couldn’t be fully 100% focused on myself, and extend mercy, grace, forgiveness and understanding at the same time.

I was selfish.

I wanted my wounds tended to and then I’d take complete ownership and offer a sincere apology for what I’d done too.

I was sorry…. I never didn’t acknowledge that I played a part, but I couldn’t take my eyes off myself and my wounds long enough to care long term.  I wouldn’t let myself scar.  I kept letting the wounds be ripped open again and again and again, and then I had to tend to my own hurts and diminish the hurts of the others.

This was a common cycle in ALL of my relationships.

I was guilty of the same behavior with my husband. And some other much older friends too.

God was doing some things in the hearts of the other people at the same time that He was doing an overhaul in mine.

But it wasn’t until I took my eyes off myself, and looked at everything, EVERYTHING from their point of view that I saw a different story.

What had I really done?  Did I have the permission to tell them what really hurt them and what didn’t?  Did I have the right to expect the things I’d done to be quickly overlooked and forgiven while not extending the same grace?


Had I really become the man from the parable in the Bible? (Matthew 18:23-35)

I had.

I felt compassion.  I felt an understanding.  I felt remorse. I saw my sin.  I saw my failures.  I saw the hurt I caused.

(That DOESN’T MEAN I was giving justification to their choices, but it means, I was repenting of mine!)

Then came a real, (A REAL!) apology.

I’m sorry I did……..(this and this and this and this, in my case)………. please forgive me…… I’ve changed so much and I no longer have any desire to repeat those same mistakes again.

I also received sincere apologies and healing started to truly take place.  (I know you can’t control how others respond. I have apologized to some whose heart was too hard to receive it. But I will say, 9 times out of 10, if you truly apologize and love the person deeply, it’s hard to stay mad when someone is being so humble and honest.)

The immoveable mountain, moved.

Without God breaking my heart for His beloved children, I would have remained frozen forever.

What thawed the freeze in that silly movie?  LOVE.


When you LOVE God with all your heart, you LOVE who HE LOVES.  And He loves His children.  Even the mean ones. 🙂

Would you believe after 10 years of total brokenness, and 2 years of healing… I recently had a visit with this friend and we let our kids spend the night together?

No anxiety.  No bitterness.  No past tension.

Biblical forgiveness is miraculous.  It is unlike anything the world can teach.  It’s complete, lacking nothing.  It’s freedom.  It’s beautiful.

Practical Application:

Who do you still have on the hook to pay you back something they can never pay back?

Who do you still want to get what’s coming to them?

Who do you still get bitter feelings about when their name is mentioned?

Who do you still feel the desire to warn others about or share your side of the story first about?

If we’re about to celebrate Jesus walking that road, carrying that cross, being nailed to it, and taking on your sins….. is it time to let Him be the payment for their sins too?

Is it time to let it go???




7 Responses to “Let it go.”

  1. Stephen March 26, 2014 at 9:58 am #

    This is a wonderful article.

    I’ve only recently started to understand true, godly, forgiveness, and what constitutes truly sincere apologies, and I have to say that your article is a breath of fresh air. Far too often apologies (mine included) are often little more than segues to reaffirm the blame of the other.

    ~Well I’m sorry but you have to realize that if you didn’t X…
    ~I’m really sorry but you have to see it from my point of view…
    etc, etc

    Trying to stop this behavior in myself is one of the most difficult struggles that I’ve ever engaged in but I truly believe that the struggle against this demon is one of the most important things we can do in life. After all, It’s hard for flames to keep burning if no fuel is added to the fire.

    Thank you so much for what you are doing.

    • Kayla Gulick March 26, 2014 at 10:26 am #


      I think we all struggle with that. I know I tried to apologize that way for YEARS!! It only caused more hurt.

      Good for you for working this out before the Lord. You’ll see the fruit in your life. I’m positive of it!!

      Thanks for sharing your story here. It always helps to know others can relate!

  2. Phyllis March 26, 2014 at 3:25 pm #

    My husband has been instrumental in the last few months in teaching me to “Let it Go”. Forgetting the past I press on toward the prize…It is so cathartic and freeing to let it go..

    • Kayla Gulick March 26, 2014 at 3:26 pm #

      It absolutely is! What a blessing for your husband to be leading you in this way!

  3. Elizabeth March 26, 2014 at 5:49 pm #


    My husband too, helped me realize I was hanging on to anger with a former tenant for far longer than I should. He treated my house quite disrespectfully four years ago, but whenever I thought about it or related the story of what happened to someone else, I had to quit talking because the anger would bubble up to the surface. My husband said, “Just get over it and go on.” At first that make me angry with my husband because I thought he was being calloused to what had happened to me, but then I knew he spoke wisdom. I don’t talk or think about that tenant any more. Thanks for a great post, Kayla.

    • Kayla Gulick March 26, 2014 at 5:57 pm #

      I’m so glad your husband was a voice of reason for you and not a source of further dissension. You must have a great man!!


  1. Little Reminders. | Lessons Of Mercy - March 27, 2014

    […] Which is why I purposely posted about forgiving the unforgivable in my life with my follow up post. […]

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