Little Reminders.

27 Mar

I’ve been doing pretty well since my total broken melt down last Friday.

I have mourned deeply, but been very purposeful about not wallowing or being the victim and intentionally LETTING and ACCEPTING my husband’s forgiveness.

The best thing we can do when forgiven, is forgive someone else.  It’s a true sign of maturity that those who know they’ve been forgiven of much, forgive much in others.

Which is why I purposely posted about forgiving the unforgivable in my life with my follow up post.

I have been forgiven without condition and I have learned to forgive without condition.


There is ONE little (GINORMOUS) problem in moving forward. Try as we might escape him, Satan and his demons are always roaming the earth looking for someone to devour.  It comes in the subtle whispers, or even often loud pressing thoughts in our mind, that say “remember.”

Some times it’s simply what seems to be out of nowhere.  You’re going about your day and this person crosses your mind, and while thinking about something pleasant, all the sudden, a memory of a past hurt scrolls through your mind.  “Remember when they …..  don’t you remember how that made you feel?”

Some times it’s in a current gesture that tempts you to take it the wrong way.  “When she said ‘this’, was she really meaning ‘this’ like she use to say and do to me?”

Some times it’s in the actual memories of someone else. Like for me last night! We’re in the middle of talking, cuddling, being romantic… and we are casually talking about when we were first dating and teasingly a memory comes out of his mouth.  And it felt like a brick was thrown at my face.  Not because of anything he did, but in the reality that absolutely he’s forgiven me, but he’ll never forget.  It’s a fact. Part of history.  Can never be erased. (Satan wanted nothing more than to destroy that moment of intimacy and push us apart. **Women, be warned, some of the worst temptations often come while trying to be intimate or while having sex with your husband.  Satan’s greatest pleasure is to destroy the marriage bed.)

Some times it’s in the words of someone else.  “So & so told me blank is going on with them right now.”  What?  How did I not know this?  Are things not as reconciled as I thought they were? Did they really not mean it that they forgave me?


We can purposefully allow our minds to think about past situations, but sometimes it seems to spring on us without any thought at all. So what do we do with that?

Well, we have to make a choice before it happens.  You can make a choice while it’s happening, but it won’t be nearly as easy to do.  Walking the narrow road takes premeditated thought, and practice.  Just like when I talked about training for trusting your husband.

Here’s the two options:

1.) Dwell on these thoughts, doubt, struggle, weep all over again, pick back up offenses and lock myself back up in a prison.

2.) Decide that memories are a beautiful reminder of how far God has brought me. Rejoice.  Be thankful for the one thought, as an opportunity to worship God, and then wrap my heart up in praise instead of entertaining a conversation with Satan who longs to use my past to destroy my future.

Simple? I’d never say that.

Life changing? ABSOLUTELY!!

If Christianity were easy, there wouldn’t be a narrow road.  We’re not looking for easy here.  We’re looking for possible.  We’re looking for God’s power to come in us and enable us to do the unthinkable.

As my husband always says “Those who forget their past are doomed to repeat it.”  God doesn’t remove consequences or memories because they serve as security gates for us to remember the danger of walking without Him or making choices that separate us from Him.

If we forgot how much we hurt someone, we might easily hurt them again in the same way…. or at the very least, take them for granted.

If we forgot how much we’ve been hurt by someone and how God has empowered us to forgive them, we might easily cut ourselves off from everyone who has ever hurt us isolating us in a prison we don’t even realize we’re in.  Bitterness takes a root so deep that is changes our ability to truly love God or anyone else because hate and love cannot co-exist…we can’t curse and praise at the same time.

Learning to forgive is freedom.  Remembering the power in us to forgive is a refining tool to becoming more and more like Christ.

Learning to be forgiven is freedom.  Remembering the grace and mercy extended to us is a tool to seeing in the flesh a glimpse of what Jesus did for us on the cross for ALL of our sins and draws us closer and closer to him.

Both are needed in this life.

Satan may long to use this against us…. but we don’t have to let him.

We were made to be warriors.  We were told to put on our armor. We were commanded to go out into the world making disciples.

Want to be ready for Satan’s attacks?

Practical Application:

Make a choice right now that reminders of the past are just reminders to rejoice.

Train for attacks.  Be in the Word every day, Pray, and prepare for temptations (EXPECT them), so you’re never caught off guard.



6 Responses to “Little Reminders.”

  1. Alicia March 27, 2014 at 9:50 am #

    Kayla~~ this is beautiful. I am really amazed at your posts lately because they so closely mirror what is going on my mind and heart. I have been struggling with some deep hurts and the reminders of them that steal my joy at the worst moments. I am wading through that and trying to balance the scale with reminding myself of all MY past sins and mistakes. There is no scale and there is no need of one. We all know we don’t need JUSTICE, we need JESUS…. but I am trying to help myself learn/remember that I am a wretched sinner, too in order to help me with this and learning to let go. Thank you for sharing what you are learning and going through!

    • Kayla Gulick March 27, 2014 at 10:10 am #

      Awesome points Alicia! I’m so glad you added that. And that you’re here to walk this out with me!!

  2. Elizabeth March 27, 2014 at 10:12 am #


    I wrote earlier about something very hurtful my husband said to me over a year ago that kept haunting me. Even though he was very sorry almost immediately and I forgave him, the memory lingered, even against my will. Like you described in this post, it came back when I least expected it. On several occasions, I even referred to that remark in the context of discussions about other things. My husband asked me please never to mention it again. At first I thought it was just because it made him uncomfortable, but he said, no, that just being reminded that he ever said such a stupid thing hurt him very much. So I promised him I would never mention it. When you described your hurt at your husband’s reference to something in the past, I realized this must be exactly how my husband felt. Might it not help to ask your husband not to mention things that happened in the past, even though he’s long ago forgiven you, too? My husband and I are much happier not even voicing what happened.

    Your point about memories being triggered by something in the present is so true! One of your previous posts helped me deal with this, because I began to think of the scar it left as a mark of spiritual growth, as testimony that I had forgiven in love the way Christ has forgiven me–for things much, much worse than my husband’s hurtful comment to me.
    Doing this successfully definitely does take conscious effort and time, but is so WORTH IT. Thank you, Kayla, for helping me through this difficult time, and for your wonderful post. I hope many people see and will be helped by your message.

    • Kayla Gulick March 27, 2014 at 10:27 am #

      Yes, I think it will help by talking to my husband and asking him to avoid bringing up anything I did from the past. It was so accidental last night, but even accident can hurt.

      A great point to not be a part of helping Satan hurt your spouse when you can!

      I’m so glad to be a help in the healing in your marriage. It’s always an encouragement to my heart to know what I’m learning is turning into good fruit and not just wasted trash.

  3. Renee March 27, 2014 at 1:54 pm #

    I am not married, but my longtime boyfriend and I are having a struggle right now. I know I have been taking a lot of time to reflect on my sins during this time. I have noticed that when we have these moments, they very often times come up during lent. I don’t know if that is a coincidence or not. I don’t think it is. Beyond just coming out of the worst weather with winter, I believe that lent specifically brings up trials and forgiveness. I know that being Catholic, this is the time of year we most reflect on the greatest sacrifice with Jesus Christ during lent. How special are we to God, even as sinners, that he gave us his son to die for our sins?! I think when we know this, not to forgive ourselves in itself becomes almost sinful.

    • Kayla Gulick March 27, 2014 at 2:03 pm #

      Hi Renee! Good thoughts about this coming to the surface this time of year! I know the cross always changes my attitude every time I really reflect on it. That’s why it’s so crucial for us to celebrate over and over and never forget the beauty in it! Thanks for sharing your heart here!

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