You will???!!

1 Apr

For those of you that aren’t aware, we bought a new house almost a year ago after living in a 968 sq ft two bedroom home for ten years.  With the crash of the economy, we were stuck. The value of our home dropped at least $25,000 and there was no possible way for us to sell and buy another place.  So, even though we tried and prayed for a miracle for six years, we never moved.

We had all four kids sharing one bedroom (3 boys and a girl) and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit still today that it was really, really hard at times.

I have never been one to ever need extravagant or flashy…. but there was literally no where for any of us to go to get a little space.  Besides the clutter of fitting us all in there, we hardly let the kids have many toys because there just wasn’t any room.  It felt like we were constantly throwing anything away that we could to make it feel less claustrophobic in the house.

In that ten years, we painted the inside of the house numerous times in an attempt to keep it fresh while trying to sell, and just to change the scenery so it didn’t always feel so overwhelming.

I always did all the painting.  My husband isn’t a fan of painting, so it was never any interest of his to help in that area.

I don’t want to get off topic here, so I’ll just say this in a small paragraph or two, but we were always trying to move in a desperate attempt to ease *my* frustrations.  My husband wasn’t nearly as overwhelmed by the crowded quarters as I was.  We had a beautiful six acre piece of property (which he REALLY loved) and he worked and coached and wasn’t home really all that often.  I, however, haven’t worked in the last six years and felt like I was at our home 95% of my life.  I rarely left.  And I often felt suffocated.  It was a really long season of learning to be content in the Lord.

I use to bounce back and forth between praying God would provide some relief, and then immense guilt thinking about third world countries where ten people live in a 100 sq ft mud shack with no running water and I had the audacity to ask God’s help in my situation?!

Once I relinquished the control of our family to my husband, it was about six months later and my husband was ready to try to sell our house after two years of just accepting the situation.  I was surprised because nothing about the challenge had changed.  However, we got a land contract offer 30 days after it was on the market, and we moved 30 days after that.  The land contract provided us with all the factors we needed with the bank and auditor to be able to move.  The story still amazes me.

ANYWAY!! Back to my point here…..

When we moved into our new house, I did a LOT of painting!  I did most of it while my husband was at work so it didn’t take away from our time together; however, occasionally I worked on parts in the evening hours.  My husband would chat with me while I was painting but never picked up a brush or roller to help.

On Saturday, while lying in bed at 7:00 AM, we were discussing what we were going to do.  I said “I’d really like to go buy a gallon of paint and get our bedroom painted since I finally got our curtains made.”

He said “I’d like to rearrange the bedroom and make it so these cords aren’t everywhere and turn the bed and get rid of this head-board.”

In my mind I was questioning turning the bed and getting rid of the head-board, but I thought it was worth giving it a try since he wanted to do it.

So I said, “You wouldn’t want to help me paint would you?”  Fully expecting him to say, “eh, not so much. But I’ll rearrange once it’s painted.”

Instead he said, “Ok. Yeah, I will.”

“WHAT???!!! YOU WILL???!!!”

I thought my heart might pound out of my chest.  “Ok. Great!”

So I ran to the store to get the paint and he started pulling stuff out of the bedroom.  The room was a dining room that we turned into our bedroom.  In our hurry up to move in, we just kind of shoved everything in the room.  It wasn’t real appealing to the eye, but it worked.

We spent the whole day painting together, fixing the outlets, and rearranging the room.

It was the best day!

And to my surprise, my husband was SO right! The room looked SO much better with the bed turned and no headboard.  The room looked bigger and gave us more space.  I’m so glad I listened to him instead of shutting down his idea because I doubted it would work.

Bedroom 001

As we went to bed, I thanked him for everything and told him what an amazing day it was with him!

I spent Monday reflecting.

WHO IS THIS COUPLE???!!!!

We’ve changed so much, I barely recognize us.

I’m not really sure why he painted with me.  I haven’t worked up the courage to ask yet… maybe in fear that I’ll jinx us 🙂

Practical Application:

Step back for the next twenty-four hours and look for the changes.

Sometimes this journey is hard and long, and we can become so discouraged that everything isn’t perfect that we miss and don’t give enough credit to the things that have changed.

What things has your husband done /said / bought / helped with / ANYTHING that has shown growth in your unconditional respect/love journey?

Did you stop and really thank or praise him?  If not – be sure to do it!!

** I’d love to hear any stories if any of you want to share something that has happened that surprised and blessed you!

 

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10 Responses to “You will???!!”

  1. Alicia April 1, 2014 at 7:26 pm #

    Hi, Kayla. First of all, your bedroom looks lovely. Secondly, I totally understand seeing changes in your husband! And being amazed by them. I have been working at supporting my husband leadership for 1.5 years now. He was very resistant at first and even told me he didn’t want anything to do with leading.

    Last night he told me he wanted me to cut my time back with my job. This is totally doable and I have the choice of working the extra hours I have been. I have had a lot more obligations on me lately and have been struggling to keep up and he has seen that. He has witnessed my frustration and I will admit- crankiness!

    I felt very shocked that he was giving me a direct instruction. And I felt very mixed about it. Part of me did not want to cut my time back because I really like my job and enjoy doing it. I also appreciate the money and while it is nothing near my husband’s provision, it does help. I didn’t want to lose that. BUT I knew in my spirit that I needed to submit to him in this. So, I agreed and spoke with my boss.

    I also felt very relieved at having a smaller work load and less stressed. I felt relief that he made a decision that I would have never made for myself that was very needed.

    I love being on this journey with you! I so enjoy your blog!

    • Kayla Gulick April 1, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

      Wow!! That is HUGE for your husband to tell you to cut back at work. Good for you for shutting down any fears and submitting to that request. The way you did it quickly and without reservation I’m sure spoke volumes to your husband and is building that courage in him to lead more and more!!!

      What a beautiful transformation from not even wanting to lead, to being brave enough to make a decision for you that you weren’t even ready to make yourself.

      I have no doubt… more blessings are coming your way!!!

  2. learningever April 2, 2014 at 9:12 am #

    Just got home from taking care of 3young grandchildren for 9 days in their home. We are empty nesters so this was a great time to really put into practice “letting” him be the Godly leader he is so well designed to be. He planned some great places to visit and explore for day trips, took lead in most of the discipline type stuff – making them stop bad behavior, sending to rooms for fighting etc. It was great to tell strong willed granddaughter that Gpa is in charge. Go ask him. She started to pester me, again, about something and caught herself, I know, Gpa is in charge”. It was evident to me that the weight I carried was greatly diminished, not much stress at all.. I love not being in charge.

    There were some times I had to use the duck tape over the mouth because I thought I knew best(at that point it worked for me to do it for Jesus and i thought – what is more important, me being right or my man’s self confidence?) However, in hindsight, it all worked out for the best even with a few glitches the way my DH planned it and did things.

    • Kayla Gulick April 2, 2014 at 9:53 am #

      Love this! Duck tape… HAHA!

      Pretty amazing how much your example made things very evident to your grand-daughter. We set a strong example good or bad for the little eyes watching us. Good win Grandma 🙂

  3. Phyllis April 2, 2014 at 9:50 am #

    about 3 years ago “we” decided to tackle our kitchen and finally remodel it. Unfortunately I was the one who wouldn’t help tear out , rebuild paint…nothing. I didn’t realize until several months after the project was finished how hurt Tim was that I didn’t seem to care at all about the project. We were at rock bottom and had no where to go but up. Through this and a number of other challenges in our marriage I have come to realize that the things we do together are the most important. I still grieve some days over the times I have let slip through my fingers, but that time in our lives has taught me to choose carefully the things I do and to put us first and include him in the decisions I make about going places and doing things.
    Our children are grown with kids of their own, but I remind myself everyday that we need to present a united front and give them an example to follow.

    • Kayla Gulick April 2, 2014 at 9:55 am #

      That’s so true! Thanks for bring able to share that. It’ so easy for us to miss the hurts we cause, and the example we set when we’re wrapped up in life.

      So beautiful how much weight you’re giving it. Your kids will appreciate it… even if they’re grown!!!!!

  4. Jenn April 2, 2014 at 10:14 am #

    Hey Kayla,
    Mine is quite small, but huge in my heart. My husband has been working 10 hour shifts, 6-7 days a week for the last 4 weeks. Two weeks ago, I went back to work after being on maternity leave for 3 months. It was not good timing in MY book for him to be working all of these hours. I needed help. So, I got back into a routine, evenings seem crazy, and when he arrives at 7-7:30 at night, most things are done. The other night I was overwhelmed. He must have sensed it, because I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping my emotions in check. He came upstairs before eating or showering himself, and interrupted me during Kate’s bath and said, I got her, go sit down. I hesitated at first, (being in control, ya know) but then said thank you.
    Although small, I’m sure it was the last thing he wanted to do, but he did it,…for me. And you know what, I should have made a bigger deal of how much it meant to me. Thanks for the reminder…I’ll be sure to tell him.

    • Kayla Gulick April 2, 2014 at 11:17 am #

      Aww!!! That’s not small at all!!! That’s huge!!! You’re right, he was hungry and tired and in his unconditional love for you, your exhaustion came first. That’s really awesome!!! Thanks for sharing!!!!!

  5. Elizabeth April 2, 2014 at 1:30 pm #

    Kayla,

    I so LOVED this post! Yes, your bedroom is beautiful, and I really like the bed in that position; it draws the eye horizontally at that end of the room and makes the room seem wider. Your husband is wonderful to have worked on this project together with you!

    My husband just made me a second cup of instant coffee this morning as I was talking to a friend on the phone and delivered it with a warm smile and a kiss. When I got back home from teaching yesterday I found the dishes done and the candle lit in the center of the table. And even though I thought I hadn’t given any outward indication I felt a little stressed several days ago, he came up and drew me into a long hug, then softly reminded me of our many blessings. At the top of the list was how much he loved me. Every day I love him more and more. Thank you so much for this post! Your writing is such a joy in my life, Kayla.

    • Kayla Gulick April 2, 2014 at 3:42 pm #

      What a servant you married!!! I love that! Any time someone brings me coffee is a huge win 🙂

      I so appreciate having you here!!!!!!!

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