Only heinous people tell lies.

3 Apr

 

For the longest time, I thought I was the worst person in the whole world because I struggled with lying.

Only really terrible people do something so heinous as to make up a lie. It’s unacceptable, inexcusable, and unforgivable.
“What is WRONG with you that you wouldn’t be honest and you’d hide behind made up stories to fit in, or have something to talk about that anyone would want to listen to. You’re a fake and a total disgust of a human” are just a few of the thoughts that paralyzed me for a long time.

My husband has reassured me over and over again that EVERYONE lies. Yes, some people struggle in a more in-depth way than others if it happens to be an addictive behavior that Satan wraps them up in, but that doesn’t mean others have the authority to put themselves in a position of superiority like they are above such ugliness.

The problem is often that they classify “lying” as a definition that only includes what they “don’t do” and then conveniently exclude the ways that they lie.

There are a number of ways that we are tempted to, and even give into lying, that we rarely talk about in-depth. I’m not going to cover them all. I’m going to tackle three and hopefully I’ll start the ball rolling for you to make your own list.

1.) Lying by omission.

This is simply “not” saying all the details. I’m not describing keeping someone’s secrets, secret. It’s ok not to share everything we know about everyone with everyone. That is being a trusted friend.

Lying by omission is when we’re leaving out information, details, words, ANYTHING about ourselves that is giving someone an impression or story that isn’t entirely accurate. We might feel like we didn’t “say” anything that was a lie or that we can’t be responsible for what other people assume, however, if we are willingly painting a picture by NOT painting it, we’re lying.

Telling our spouse that we went to lunch today with a co-worker, while leaving out that it was a male co-worker, is lying by omission.

2.) Lying by repeating something with a different tone, inflection or attitude.

This happens in marriage A LOT! But that statistic in marriage might be beat out by how often this happens between women who have problems with each other.

The story changes, and the likelihood for hurt feelings and offenses greatly increases when tone of voice is misrepresented.
Picture this:
In a soft, calm voice with a smile Gina says to Penny, “Sally looked so pretty today. I bet she spent a lot of money on that dress. It was really worth it. It worked well for her.”

Penny doesn’t like Gina and always reads offenses into everything she says, so….
With a harsh, sarcastic tone she says to Sally, “Penny said you looked SSSOOO pretty today. I BET she spent A LOT of money on that dress. It was REEEAAAALLY worth it. It worked well for HER.” Flips her hair as if Gina was rudely gossiping about Sally and says “you should have seen her face.”

Sally leaves hurt and confused and now has an offense against Gina.

It’s not uncommon for spouses to say the phrase to each other “I didn’t say it like that.  I didn’t use that tone.  You’re making me sound like such a jerk!”

What if a husband says, “I’d rather you not tell me how to handle this situation. I’m struggling with the best decision and your emotions are so high right now that you’re speaking from a place of hurt.”

And the wife repeats it like this, “I’d rather YOU not tell ME how to handle this situation. (Pounds on chest) I’m struggling with the best decision and YOUR emotions are SO HIGH right now that YOU’RE speaking from a place of hurt.” (As if I’m the problem here and am messing up your life.)

In both of those situations, the words were repeated correctly…. but the heart was misrepresented and that constitutes as lying.

3.) We lie through our actions.

As a believer in Christ, this one really stings because if we have Christ, and we walk in sin…. we’re lying with our bodies.

Am I saying we can’t make mistakes?  Of course not.  We all sin.  And will all sin until we die!

But committing a sin and repenting is not the same as walking in sin continually and habitually.

We can’t claim to have Christ and yet walk a constant contradiction without lying with our bodies.

This happens often with couples who have sex before marriage.  They are telling a lie with their bodies that they are indeed one flesh when they have not truly become one flesh through permanent commitment and marriage.

This also happens when we have a habitual gossip, anger, addiction, porn, lust, pride, selfish, idolatry, money, love, forgiveness, bitterness, mercy problem(s).   We’re claiming to be a child of the living God, but constantly maligning His testimony through us.

We praise our Father, but then curse with our bodies by allowing them to follow the ways of Satan.

 

Sometimes we get so judgmental of other who struggle in ways WE never would, all the while, missing how we maybe aren’t that far from them.

That’s why Jesus likens hate to murder and lust to adultery. We may not be letting others see it on the outside, but in our hearts, we’ve already sinned.

 

Practical Application:

Are you trapped right now by Satan because of something you struggle with that you are believing no one else struggles with or is as horrible as you?

(Comment below or shoot me an email… I’ll help you uncover why that’s a lie too!!!)

Are you judging someone else for being so much worse than you are because you’d never do what they do?

Have you ever told a lie in any of these ways? Does this change how you feel?

 

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5 Responses to “Only heinous people tell lies.”

  1. Elizabeth April 5, 2014 at 12:14 pm #

    Kayla,

    This was real food for thought. Although these are all forms of lying, I think the distinction in severity lies (no pun intended) in our motives, what is at stake, and the relationship involved for not portraying something exactly “as is.” A spouse not revealing the sex of a lunch mate (lie by omission) isn’t quite the same as not telling a friend that an outfit reveals figure deficits when asked her opinion–is it? The commitment and intimacy between spouses really demand the truth in this case, but does a friend owe it to another friend to hurt her with the truth? Hmm. . . The ethics of something is so complex! And of course we would probably all lie in some form to protect ourselves or others from physical harm (hiding from or lying to an evildoer). But of course self-examination in the light of God’s standards reveals the difference. Thank you for this post! I wanted to comment on it yesterday but had to leave very early.

    • Kayla Gulick April 5, 2014 at 3:15 pm #

      oooooo, I like the thoughts here Elizabeth.

      I think motive matters too!

      That friend question always bothers me. A real friend I think should always be honest, even if it isn’t pleasant.
      I think when we compromise with the sake of an excuse (and mind you, I do think that’s one of the best excuses ever, not to hurt someone!) we can more easily use that rationale in other ways.

      I think in general, the more we sin in small ways, the quicker we sin in big ways. The more we read Scripture and don’t allow ourselves to be changed by it, the easier it is to read it and let it go in one ear and out the other.

      We can desensitize ourselves to sin.

      Ok, back to the friend thing…. it’s not a lie to adjust what we think “looks good.”

      Sometimes we think we’re lying because we tell a friend she’s looks fantastic, all the while, thinking she doesn’t look fantastic because she should lose 30 pounds.
      There is a difference between seeing the beauty and how modest she is appearing and complimenting and commenting on that….
      and judging the body type and not the clothing.

      However, if we really are seeing the beauty in our friend and something she has on looks too tight, too low, or is drawing unwanted attention (of any kind) it’s our duty to love her and tell her.

      I wonder if we say “I was sparing her feelings” in that situation… how much easier those words reach our lips when we are “sparing our husband’s feelings” too?

      I REALLY like what you brought up though about lying to deceive evil-doers. I tend to agree… it’d be hard not to lie and say I didn’t know where my kid were hiding if someone was trying to hurt them or something.
      That’s some really good food for thought! Thanks for bringing that up!

      This is a tough topic, especially for me to admit and write about… so I really appreciate your insights and opinions here. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Maria April 8, 2014 at 10:03 am #

    Something that the Lord has brought to my attention is the fact that I tend to lie by exaggeration, especially if I’m feeling lonely and needy. I’ll exaggerate the severity of an injury to get sympathy or make up a story in which I am the hero to get attention. It’s extremely immature, but realizing that I am going to not do this anymore with the help of God, is a step in the right direction. It’s one of the traces of my childhood still clinging to me, but I reject it and am not doing that anymore. Instead, I will offer up any loneliness I feel to God for Will.

    • Kayla Gulick April 8, 2014 at 10:08 am #

      Oh Maria — how I relate to every word you just wrote. May God richly bless you for your courage to be so vulnerable and real.

      It is hard to admit something that is so immature and wrong. But never underestimate that when Satan locks us into habitual sin… it doesn’t matter how wrong or immature it is… it’s a battle like no other.

      And it is only with God’s help that we break free.

      I’ll be praying for you as you lay this down and pick up God’s freedom instead. I’m with you in this!!

      • Maria April 8, 2014 at 10:36 am #

        Thank you so much, Kayla!! It’s a hard habit to break because you see the “reward” of exaggeration which is instant attention and sympathy, which makes you want to repeat that behavior again. I know it’s only going to snowball and get worse and the last thing I want to turn into a psychopathic liar.

        I truly believe that you’re praying for me and I really appreciate it!

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