When it never comes….

12 Apr

So I told you at the end of my last post, I had some life-giving words to give.

I did it.

It was not easy.  Well, it was easy but …oh, just let me explain.

It took me a long, REALLY LONG, time to speak these words.

I knew years ago, they needed spoke.  But as I’ve talked before about how to give a real apology, I knew I wasn’t ready yet to not try to justify myself… or include “you hurt me too.”

In my opinion, one of the biggest hindrances to forgiveness is when we try to tackle both people’s issues at the exact same time.  Often what happens is, neither feels their issue was addressed properly and nothing truly gets resolved.

There is a time to tell someone, “you really hurt me when….”  but it’s not the exact same time you’re saying “I’m sorry that I….”

And I wanted to say that first part really badly.

Normally, I’m all about face to face apologies.  There are exceptions.  And in my case for this one situation, it was a letter kind of apology.

It was easy to write.  I did have a lot to ask forgiveness for, and I knew it! God had convicted me a long time ago, and I had repented and asked forgiveness years back.  So, there wasn’t any doubt about what I had done or why I should be sorry about it.

However, what came next was hard.

The waiting.  Knowing the letter had been read, but waiting for some kind of a response.

You never know *if* you will get a response, what it will say, or what it won’t say.  But you have to wait anyway.  We all do.

Best case scenario, you get a quick response, total forgiveness and an apology for what they may have done in or because of the situation.

That doesn’t always happen though.  And then we have to control our emotions and lead our hearts with what we’ll do next.

This might seem silly to some, but I waited 48 hours for a reply, and it felt like eternity.  In that time, I felt very vulnerable and exposed.  It seemed like my raw honesty was being ignored.  Or minimized.  Or maybe even mocked?

I wrestled being hurt or offended. But I was preaching and preaching and preaching to myself… DON’T pick anything up.  This wasn’t about me.  This was about them.  Entirely about them!  I owed an apology.  And I gave a sincere, genuine apology.  If I didn’t hear anything back, that was OK.  I didn’t have to.

The response was very nice.  I was forgiven in full.

Praise Jesus!

Yet, that one last thing was missing… “I know I hurt you too.”



Guess what?  It’s OK.  That’s not news to my heart.  I knew that YEARS ago too.  And Jesus is the power to forgive… not simply by the receipt of an apology.

Sure — I believe in apologies.  That’s why I gave one.  But… Jesus’ paid the debt for everyone’s sins.  Mine, theirs, yours… all of us.

I don’t need to require payment to forgive.

I can forgive quickly and fully because Jesus’ has forgiven me of much worse.  He paid my sentence.  He paid their sentence.  IT IS FINISHED.


If you’re still waiting for that response, forgiveness, or admission of guilt from someone else….. can you look to the cross this Easter and say:


Practical Application:

Am I still being a debt collector? Am I requiring payment that Jesus’ already paid?


8 Responses to “When it never comes….”

  1. Renee April 12, 2014 at 8:31 am #

    I can really relate. I need to put this into practice more in my own life. It seems as though I’m apologizing a lot lately starting my journey, but not hearing much in return for the hurts directed towards me. I haven’t been overly upset about it, but wondering when I can expect mine has crossed my mind. What a beautiful way to let the hurt go. Now I have another reason to look forward to Easter Sunday! In fact I’m going to try to use this process to heal from some abuse from my past. I’ve been dealing with the fall out a lot lately. Since I have no contact with the violators, (two have passed away) this seems like a healthy way to look at this.

    • Kayla Gulick April 12, 2014 at 8:57 am #

      Another great point Renee! Forgiving those who we have no contact with anymore, or who have passed away.

      I’ll be praying for you on this journey!

  2. Catherine April 12, 2014 at 8:46 pm #

    I waited 24 hours for a response after my very emotional apology and I thought THAT was a long time. It was an email. It didn’t say exactly what I had “hoped” but after carefully reading it again and again, and getting another opinion on it, it was actually better than I’d hoped. It was “man language”. I didn’t hear “I forgive you” though. And still haven’t, three weeks later. I’m almost wishing for “I forgive you” more than “I love you” right now. But I will wait. I do find it ironic that Easter was mentioned. I started the journey in January. I’ve been saying Easter will be my NEW YEAR this whole time.

    • Kayla Gulick April 13, 2014 at 7:20 am #

      Catherine — did you email say “will you forgive me?” A lot of times with men, they answer what they are asked. They aren’t “wordy” or typically give emotional responses.

      If this is still something heavy on you… and you are still in a relationship with this person. You can still ask that question.

      However, if the situation isn’t one where you can ask that, then it’s ok to rest in the fact that you apologized, and shared your heart. And that can be enough.

  3. Meagan April 15, 2014 at 10:40 am #

    Awesome. Once again, exactly what I needed to hear. 🙂

  4. howsyourlovelife April 28, 2014 at 2:38 pm #

    Missing your posts, my friend….hope you’re just busy….

    • Kayla Gulick April 29, 2014 at 12:26 pm #

      Hi lady! Yes… I’ve been REALLY busy. And well, pretty dry in terms of writing. Thank you for checking in on me. Miss you too 🙂

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