It’s not happening like you said….

6 May

I’m spending some time this morning reflecting on Job.  I often reference the first three chapters of that book when I’m feeling a little “woe is me.”

However, I’ll be real honest… I struggle reading chapters 4-42.  They seem to drag on and on and ON and ON with these ramblings from Job’s friends and from Job, all the while, he’s in miserable pain.

I can’t claim to know anything of Job’s life.  If there is one thing I can guarantee you, it’s that God has never looked down and said “Satan, have you considered my servant Kayla?  There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who fears God and shuns evil.”

It’d be awesome if I fit that bill, but I just don’t.

And yet, something is really compelling about the story because since I KNOW that I don’t measure up to Job, I feel even more like the hope for a righteous future with Christ (be it on earth or in heaven) is made clear for all of us.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Because sin entered the world and Satan is able to walk around tempting and devouring people. But that’s not the end of the story.

Last Saturday (1 1/2 weeks ago) I was helping my husband do yard work and I got some bad scrapes and marks looking similar to hives on my arm.  I didn’t think too much of it, because it seemed to have come from these pine needle bushes we were tearing out.

By Tuesday, it was a different story.  It was itchy and in a few more spots.  And, my husband was getting it.  He knew immediately it was poison ivy (sumac or oak… SOMETHING poison!) He’s had it a hundred times, I however, never have before.

By Thursday I had tried every at home remedy.  Apple cider vinegar, aloe vera, fels naptha soap.  It wasn’t helping at all.

I turned to facebook and asked my friends for help.  I got a long list of suggestions.  I tried them all, well except for pouring bleach on it, because I didn’t want all the nasty scars (although now I’m going to have them anyway.) In fact, I had two people who swore that Zanfel (an over the counter wash costing $35) was pricey but would clear it up in minutes. MINUTES she promised!!!!

I rushed to the store.  The first application eased the itching slightly for a little while but it came back.  So I tried again.  I tried 5 times and ended up awake in the middle of the night between Friday and Saturday, crying in pain over the sink in the bathroom scrubbing and clawing away at my arms.  I contemplated getting a knife and trying to scape as much of it off as possible.

I was in agony, and I felt like all my friends had somehow let me down.  They didn’t do anything on purpose and I wasn’t really mad at them at all or anything like that… but I felt like they offered all this beautiful relief, and yet… I was left totally empty and in pain.

And there it is.  Job.  The ramblings of his friends desperately trying to “help” him find a reason, a remedy, a resolution to his problem… and they all left him empty.

Saturday morning I went to the walk in clinic and the doctor walked in, looked at my arms for 2 seconds flat and said “Wow, that is worse than I thought it would be.  It’s in your blood stream.  Normally I do a shot or pills, you have to have both!”

I asked the nurse, how long until relief…. she said give it at least 12-24 hours.  Guess what folks, it’s been 70 hours right now after a cortisone shot, 12 steroid pills, 12 Benadryl pills and I’m still miserable.  I might be slightly less willing to use a knife and claw up my arms… but I can’t say I’ve found “relief” yet, that’s for sure.

So let’s get deeper here.  My poison ivy can only be hidden under a long sleeve shirt, however, I can’t truly hide it.  It’s on the outside of my body.

But most poison isn’t so obvious to others.  Some poisons eat away our insides slowly, all the while on the outside – we look fine.

In fact, sometimes, we try to talk about our poison only to hear a long slew of “this is all your need to do” from our friends, family, church members and yet, when we attempt to apply their at home remedies — we feel lied to, let down, and misunderstood.

“They can’t possibly know what is going on with me. There is no way this worked for them.  Sure, her life turned around when she did xyz, but she isn’t married to the same man *I* am married to. If it were only as simple as ‘just stop.'”

Do you feel like there is a secret poison eating away at part of you and no one else really understands, sees, or has dealt with like you are?  Do you feel like everything everyone has ever offered has been nothing more than a false reality? Do you secretly want to take a knife and dig away at the broken, empty, hurting, burning, gnawing, nagging poison in your veins that is causing you so much misery?”

Practical Application:

Poison is intimate.  It knows exactly how to attack and shut down your system.  And it may not attack your system like someone else’s system.

There is only one remedy for poison.  Christ.

I’m not suggesting we never talk about what eats us — it’s good to bring light to poison.  What is exposed loses power just because it’s not in the darkness anymore.  BUT — talking about poison isn’t the cure.

Christ is the only cure.  He knows your body because God the father MADE YOU.  He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  He knows exactly what is going on and has the real golden ticket to sweet relief.

But you have to go to Him.

 

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12 Responses to “It’s not happening like you said….”

  1. senterwife May 6, 2014 at 8:53 am #

    I am so sorry you have been in pain due to the poison something. Praying to complete healing and relief!

    And despite the pain, or due to the pain, great post!

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 9:01 am #

      Thank you!! I will take all the healing prayers I can get!!! 🙂

  2. howsyourlovelife May 6, 2014 at 9:07 am #

    Wow, this is powerful because you are still in it but getting this much out of it, I’m sorry for your misery but thankful you are able to grow from it, this is not wasted! Praying today is the day, that this hour is the hour of relief!

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 9:10 am #

      Thank you friend. I once heard a quote and it forever changed my life.. It said “Too many people believe that their testimony can only be given when everything is tied up in a nice little bow. But who can you reach with perfection?”

  3. Jenn May 6, 2014 at 11:02 am #

    I love everything about this post, the comments, and your heart. Your insight here about friends and how they try to/can/cannot relate to you is where my heart is sometimes. “Woe is me” also rings a bell.
    I’ll pray for your physical healing, and know that you have hit home on a couple of points here. I appreciate your willingness to reach out and think of others, even through the rough stuff.

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 11:52 am #

      Thank you Jenn. You seem to know just the right posts to comment on to bring me encouragement and joy 🙂

  4. trixie1466 May 6, 2014 at 2:31 pm #

    Really outstanding post Kayla.

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

      Wow! Thanks Trixie. I didn’t even know what was going to come out when I sat down this morning. Thank you Jesus for showing up!!!!

  5. Renee May 6, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

    I’m so glad I sat down and read this today. I wish I couldn’t relate so well. My prayers are with you through this time. Amazing post, thank you.

    • Kayla Gulick May 6, 2014 at 9:32 pm #

      You’re welcome Renee. I’m so glad to know what God had for me today was good for others too!!

  6. Elizabeth May 14, 2014 at 9:18 am #

    Kayla,

    I’m SO sorry you got poison ivy! I’ve had it severely five times, the last time during February in Florida. My husband underwent a six-way heart bypass surgery the third day I had it, and I noticed that it visibly became about ten times worse during the eight hours of his operation. I also broke out in hives all over my face and hands–probably due to stress. Two days later I couldn’t even wear a sleeve over my right arm, only a towel wrapped around it fastened with safety pins, to absorb the “weeping.” At that point I went to the doctor because I knew I couldn’t risk giving it to my husband when I was caring for him at home. Steroid pills and a shot slowed it down, but what a terrible experience! My husband, thankfully, recovered and did not catch it from me.

    I appreciate the correlation you found between your friends trying to help and Job’s similar experience. At times it seems that the primary value of a friend’s advice is evidence that they truly care for us, and that helps a lot, even if their remedies don’t work for our problem. In the end, WE are the ones that must deal with the difficulty/pain, and only God can give us strength to endure. I enjoyed reading your post very much, and appreciate the way you see connections and “layers” of meaning in so many things.

    • Kayla Gulick May 14, 2014 at 3:34 pm #

      Oh girl — you had it bad!!!

      I finally have relief. Most of the marks are gone or fading. WHEW!!!

      And thank you, I always feel so encouraged when others share that my journey is helping them on theirs too!

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