I wish you just…..

7 Jul

I don’t think there is ever a happy ending in marriage from the words “I wish you just….”

 

It’s easy to go there. Satan desires us to go there and he’ll lead us there at every turn.

I wish you just…..

didn’t nag me

let me go out with my friends more

helped around the house

didn’t spend money on junk

liked what I like

talked more respectfully to me

prayed with me

surprised me

thought I was funny

spoke my love language

enjoyed the same recreations I do

liked sports

didn’t use swear words

would be more free in the bedroom

desired me

liked holding hands in public

 

—-

 

I mean I can go on for hours for both men and women right?

 

For what though?  Premeditated resentment later?  Division?  Anger? Doubt? Confusion? Temptation that someone else or something else would be better?

Check, check, check, check.

I wish you just…. always leaves us feeling like we would “finally, truly, completely be happy, accepted and loved if so & so just did such & such.”

Would we?

I’ve wanted my husband to change in a lot of areas.  And he has, without a doubt.  But my, “I wish you just” list just keeps growing and changing.

He can’t win.

That’s the truth right?

I wish you just …. were perfect.

That’s the bottom line.  I want perfection. And not perfection for any standard accept my OWN standard of perfection.

I wish you just… is so selfish because it’s desiring (dare I say, DEMANDING) your every desire be met.

Every temptation in the book will look appealing because it’ll appear like perfection… until I have it.  And then, it’ll be revealed as nothing more than a false reality.

I personally believe divorce happens because of “I wish you just” lists.

Instead of, “I’m so thankful you…” lists.

How about it?

Can you make an “I’m thankful you” list today and rip up the “I wish you just” list?

Practical Application:

Take control of your lists.  I wish you just, comes easy.

I’m thankful you lists take intention.  That’s why marriage takes work.  What kind of a list do you want your spouse to make about you?

 

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8 Responses to “I wish you just…..”

  1. Dan July 7, 2014 at 11:34 am #

    I suggested something similar in a reply to a comment on my blog. A woman was wanting her husband to show more interest in sex. I suggested she pray for change where it was needed and to begin with herself, but to also consider all the positive things about her marriage she can be thankful for. It’s easy lose sight of the blessings when we start constantly focusing on the problems. If you would just… and if only… are places to not spend much time. It really becomes a problem we you start thinking about what if it never changes. We usually don’t start considering options as much as being miserable and sometimes planning out exit strategy or where else to look to feed our want.

    • Kayla Gulick July 7, 2014 at 12:44 pm #

      “What if it never changes…” yep that’s a good point. Thanks for adding that!!

  2. howsyourlovelife July 7, 2014 at 12:06 pm #

    Amen! For some reason we believe we deserve a perfect partner without being perfect ourselves. Here’s a thought: instead of listing what the other does wrong, list what you have done wrong. Pray about it, ask God to show you, then ask your spouse for forgiveness for the specific acts God has shown you. It can change your marriage.

  3. Merrie Beth July 8, 2014 at 9:04 am #

    When I used to give marriage talks to young wives/mothers, I talked about how “I wish” was just disrespect, fairy-princess-style :).

    I think your biggest aha point is that the wish list will just keep growing and changing no matter how many wishes are granted! I realized through my marriage trials that typically the “one” (or ten) things we need to hear from our husbands or see him do, etc. won’t actually bring us the feeling we are desiring. You know, if only he would say exactly this, “I’m so sorry, will you forgive me”, then I would feel healed. But then he says it and the hole isn’t filled. That’s when you know for sure that your expectations (and lack of trust in God) are really the whole (“hole”) problem. :).

    • Kayla Gulick July 8, 2014 at 9:07 am #

      Brilliant. That’s just so true! Thanks for adding that!!

  4. Elizabeth July 8, 2014 at 10:32 am #

    Kayla,

    This is a terrific reminder to live our lives with deep appreciation for all the positives. When our partner feels appreciated, he will blossom! Appreciation motivates others to try even harder to help and/or please us.

    • Kayla Gulick July 8, 2014 at 11:02 am #

      I find this to be especially true for men (or maybe just my husband.)

      I am a people-pleaser so if I’m not doing something right, I am motivated to fix it.

      However, my husband feels like when he’s failing, there is no point in even trying anymore. But if he’s succeeding, he’s motivated to keep succeeding. 🙂

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