Deception

13 Jul

To all of you who have been liking posts, leaving comments, and asking me to come back for the last three months, THANK YOU.  You will never know how God was using you to speak to me.

I’ll be really frank with you…. it doesn’t matter what level of maturity you ever reach in your faith… if you let go for one second – if you give the devil a foothold, he WILL devour you.

I haven’t been around much because I haven’t been spiritually healthy.

WHAT?!  Coming from the author of THIS blog?

Yeah, it’s true.

When you stop attending Bible Study, when you don’t have time for your Christian friends, when you lose the will to pray, when you surround yourself with ungodly influences, when you stop pouring truth in and start basking in lies, you can’t stand up anymore on your own.

And sometimes the falling never stops.  There may not even be a rock bottom… it’s just free falling to spiritual death.

Deception is heavy.  It’s blinding and deafening.  It’s controlling and manipulating.  It’s engaging and engrossing.  It’s powerful and constant.  It has the ability to take you from safety to drowning waters in what feels like seconds.  It’s suffocating and painful.  And worst of all, it enables Satan to act through you to the point where you lose yourself completely.

I understand this.  I’m devastated that I understand this so well. I actually feel like I could change this entire blog into a blog about Satan’s deception and manipulation, instead of God’s mercy.

I hope one day I can get back to giving you all what you loved to read.  Right now, just pray for me.  I have a long road ahead and a crushing fear that it can’t be done.

No amount of “tears, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I don’t know how this happened, I’d rather die than believe this is true, I never wanted this, I want to cut this out of my life”  will ever make you feel forgiven or like you can move on.

Even though I’m on my knees reaching desperately for the Father, I have little faith that He longs to reach back.

That’s deception.

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13 Responses to “Deception”

  1. sophia208 July 13, 2015 at 11:44 am #

    Was just thinking of you last week Kayla. I am praying for you right now!
    This is what I am praying’ Lord I pray that Kayla’s night is over and her day is here, and that she would put away deeds of darkness AND PUT ON THE ARMOUR OF LIGHT!’ (Rom 13v12\
    Praying you clothe yourself in the armour of light.
    God bless you, carry you, protect you and saturate you in his love.

    • Kayla Gulick July 13, 2015 at 11:49 am #

      Thank you from the bottom of my heart friend.

  2. Kim July 13, 2015 at 11:53 am #

    You have helped me so tremendously over these last few years. Your blog was a lifeline for me
    My prayer is GOD will send someone(*s) your way to impart that lifeline to you so you can KNOW there is HOPE….I do not know you but I have always sensed you are not a QUITTER!!! Don’t give up my Sister. In my prayers….

    • Kayla Gulick July 13, 2015 at 12:01 pm #

      Your words are precious to me. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Kimberly July 13, 2015 at 1:57 pm #

    You are loved by many. You can’t know how you touched me by your vulnerable post. Your words reached deep into a secret part of my heart that has been blocked. I will meditate on your words. I think I have been dancing dangerously on the line of what I felt was okay, but I have been entertaining deception, even inviting it to dinner. My priorities are not right. You have helped. Now, I wish I could help you. You will be in my prayers. Please know that sharing such pain and vulnerability speaks volumes more than your posts from before. God is reaching out to you and to us through you. The deception is keeping you from recognizing God’s pull. He is there. You are His and always will be.

    • Kayla Gulick July 13, 2015 at 2:12 pm #

      I’m writing a huge thank you with tears streaming down my cheeks.

      • Kimberly July 13, 2015 at 2:15 pm #

        I have cried too. When God is working, tears flow. That is a good sign. Thank you!!!! You are alright. You may not feel like it, and your situation may not be, but YOU ARE alright. It is good.

  4. Bethany July 13, 2015 at 7:11 pm #

    The spiritual dessert is a tough place to be. Your words have been an encouragement in some of mine. My blog talks a lot of these dessert places…a lot about my struggle with depression and life’s circumstances leaving me questioning God. Here’s a good one to start with if you are in a place where you want to let some of your reader’s blogs encourage you: https://fatherskingdom.wordpress.com/2014/03/06/desert-wilderness/ I’ve been going in and out of this dessert place for a couple years now. Whatever it is that has you there, I pray your eyes are opened to God’s grace and mercy happening in your life right now.

    • Kayla Gulick July 14, 2015 at 7:46 am #

      That’s a great post. Thanks for sharing with me girl!

  5. prettybeans July 14, 2015 at 1:20 pm #

    I’ve found that sin works through deception which in and of itself is sin.

    I know rock bottom very well and I also know that in this dark place only the author of light Himself is able to reach you.

    As I pray for myself to be freed from the deception in my own troubled heart, I pray that God would free you too, remind you that He has bought you at the cost of His very own spotless life and redeemed you FULLY (and you don’t even have to feel it).

    Take it one day at a time.

    And if I may, don’t run into the dark to hide from the shame/guilt and the power behind secrets..instead reach for the light no matter how hard it seems..

  6. Elizabeth July 15, 2015 at 8:00 am #

    Kayla, A warm hug coming your way with this note. Know that I too have been at rock bottom, so totally disgusted with myself for not being able to perfectly live out my beliefs. The hardest thing was being able to forgive MYSELF. I don’t know you in person, but love you and all your wonderful qualities in Christ, and am praying that you will find comfort in his promises. Please don’t give up, but keep trying. Much love, Elizabeth

  7. howsyourlovelife July 19, 2015 at 11:01 pm #

    It’s good to see you back, and as good as it is for us, God’s waaaayyyyy more excited! Now, get to work while we pray for you. You’ve got people counting on you!

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