Only accessible on my terms

12 Jan

As promised from the last post – today’s topic is about actually being AVAILABLE to my children.

Once my children started becoming independent, the amount of time I intentionally invested in them each day began to quickly dwindle.

As a stay at home, it can be very draining how constantly you’re being hollered for, jumped on, and requested to play, watch, listen and help in any given day. (God bless babysitters and day care workers – seriously, you’re saints.)

As if marriage alone wasn’t enough to forfeit your right to be selfish – parenting demands we live a life of complete self-less-ness.  That is, if we honestly want to do it right.

The advances in technology have made it easier and easier to strip the family of any and all teaching, sharing, laughing, and intimate time together. Not only are we constantly watching TV, cable, Netflix, DVD, Blueray, Youtube, Hulu, Pureflix — we’re scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and an ENDLESS list of games. And that’s just to name a few.

We want to busy ourselves in entertainment to the point that we dismiss all our responsibilities, relax, zone out, self-medicate, and ultimately fail in our parenting and marriages.

We’re not available to each other because we’re too busy being selfish and feeding our own wants. Satan wins when we put our focus on anything or anyone that steals time our family needs from us.

And usually that leads to putting electronics in the hands of our kids because then it occupies them so we can stay busy doing whatever we want.

Take an inventory of a 24 hour day. Write it out.  How much time does your spouse get of you investing in them?  How much time do your kids get of you investing in them?

This means, you are accessible to them – to the point that they are not fighting for your attention, but you’re actually engaged.  If you are constantly saying “Shh… I can’t hear this”  “Just a minute”  “Hold on a second”  “What? What do you want?”  “Can you do it yourself?”  “I don’t feel like it.”  “Why do I have to come see?” “Just bring it to me” then you might not be as accessible as you think just because you get a couple glasses of milk and answer a few questions.

It doesn’t take long for a person to realize they are not really loved and they’re not worth investing in.  Eventually, they stop trying and just withdrawal from the constant rejection.


This is also why a lot of kids end up getting into the wrong crowd, having a broken relationship with their parents, and looking for ways to fill the void (sex, drugs, entertainment, etc.)

This happens in marriage too.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s OK to relax from time to time.  I’m not saying all entertainment is evil and I’m not suggesting that if we allow kids to play by themselves we’re bad parents.

But that should be the exception, not the rule.

If I spend more time on FB each day than talking to my children.  I have a problem.

If I spend more time playing games on my phone than playing games with my children. I have a problem.

If I spend more time watching TV than sharing Jesus with my children. I have a problem.

If I spend more time relaxing or entertaining myself than I do talking to my children about what matters to me so they actually KNOW me.  I have a problem.

And let me just be the first to say.  I HAVE A PROBLEM.

The truth is – do I care enough…. do I love my kids enough… do I love my spouse enough… do I love my God enough to actually put forth the effort to change and establish new habits; or will I simply realize this and just continue on in my sin?

I don’t know what that will totally look like, but that’s the goal this week.  It’s time to establish new boundaries and rules for myself.

I want my kids to feel loved because Mom is accessible to them. Anytime.  Because they are more important than anything else I’ll leave behind in this world. They are my treasure.  They love me more than anyone on FB ever could, do I love them more?

Practical Application:

Write out your real 24 hours.  (Don’t just think about it… WRITE IT OUT.  Seeing it changes everything.)

Then decide, what needs to change this year?





2 Responses to “Only accessible on my terms”

  1. Sarah January 13, 2016 at 6:31 am #

    Great post! I needed this so much. Thank you! So glad to see your blog post back in my inbox😊

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