Tag Archives: Godly Council

It’s not happening like you said….

6 May

I’m spending some time this morning reflecting on Job.  I often reference the first three chapters of that book when I’m feeling a little “woe is me.”

However, I’ll be real honest… I struggle reading chapters 4-42.  They seem to drag on and on and ON and ON with these ramblings from Job’s friends and from Job, all the while, he’s in miserable pain.

I can’t claim to know anything of Job’s life.  If there is one thing I can guarantee you, it’s that God has never looked down and said “Satan, have you considered my servant Kayla?  There is no one on earth like her; she is blameless and upright, a woman who fears God and shuns evil.”

It’d be awesome if I fit that bill, but I just don’t.

And yet, something is really compelling about the story because since I KNOW that I don’t measure up to Job, I feel even more like the hope for a righteous future with Christ (be it on earth or in heaven) is made clear for all of us.  Why do bad things happen to good people?  Because sin entered the world and Satan is able to walk around tempting and devouring people. But that’s not the end of the story.

Last Saturday (1 1/2 weeks ago) I was helping my husband do yard work and I got some bad scrapes and marks looking similar to hives on my arm.  I didn’t think too much of it, because it seemed to have come from these pine needle bushes we were tearing out.

By Tuesday, it was a different story.  It was itchy and in a few more spots.  And, my husband was getting it.  He knew immediately it was poison ivy (sumac or oak… SOMETHING poison!) He’s had it a hundred times, I however, never have before.

By Thursday I had tried every at home remedy.  Apple cider vinegar, aloe vera, fels naptha soap.  It wasn’t helping at all.

I turned to facebook and asked my friends for help.  I got a long list of suggestions.  I tried them all, well except for pouring bleach on it, because I didn’t want all the nasty scars (although now I’m going to have them anyway.) In fact, I had two people who swore that Zanfel (an over the counter wash costing $35) was pricey but would clear it up in minutes. MINUTES she promised!!!!

I rushed to the store.  The first application eased the itching slightly for a little while but it came back.  So I tried again.  I tried 5 times and ended up awake in the middle of the night between Friday and Saturday, crying in pain over the sink in the bathroom scrubbing and clawing away at my arms.  I contemplated getting a knife and trying to scape as much of it off as possible.

I was in agony, and I felt like all my friends had somehow let me down.  They didn’t do anything on purpose and I wasn’t really mad at them at all or anything like that… but I felt like they offered all this beautiful relief, and yet… I was left totally empty and in pain.

And there it is.  Job.  The ramblings of his friends desperately trying to “help” him find a reason, a remedy, a resolution to his problem… and they all left him empty.

Saturday morning I went to the walk in clinic and the doctor walked in, looked at my arms for 2 seconds flat and said “Wow, that is worse than I thought it would be.  It’s in your blood stream.  Normally I do a shot or pills, you have to have both!”

I asked the nurse, how long until relief…. she said give it at least 12-24 hours.  Guess what folks, it’s been 70 hours right now after a cortisone shot, 12 steroid pills, 12 Benadryl pills and I’m still miserable.  I might be slightly less willing to use a knife and claw up my arms… but I can’t say I’ve found “relief” yet, that’s for sure.

So let’s get deeper here.  My poison ivy can only be hidden under a long sleeve shirt, however, I can’t truly hide it.  It’s on the outside of my body.

But most poison isn’t so obvious to others.  Some poisons eat away our insides slowly, all the while on the outside – we look fine.

In fact, sometimes, we try to talk about our poison only to hear a long slew of “this is all your need to do” from our friends, family, church members and yet, when we attempt to apply their at home remedies — we feel lied to, let down, and misunderstood.

“They can’t possibly know what is going on with me. There is no way this worked for them.  Sure, her life turned around when she did xyz, but she isn’t married to the same man *I* am married to. If it were only as simple as ‘just stop.'”

Do you feel like there is a secret poison eating away at part of you and no one else really understands, sees, or has dealt with like you are?  Do you feel like everything everyone has ever offered has been nothing more than a false reality? Do you secretly want to take a knife and dig away at the broken, empty, hurting, burning, gnawing, nagging poison in your veins that is causing you so much misery?”

Practical Application:

Poison is intimate.  It knows exactly how to attack and shut down your system.  And it may not attack your system like someone else’s system.

There is only one remedy for poison.  Christ.

I’m not suggesting we never talk about what eats us — it’s good to bring light to poison.  What is exposed loses power just because it’s not in the darkness anymore.  BUT — talking about poison isn’t the cure.

Christ is the only cure.  He knows your body because God the father MADE YOU.  He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  He knows exactly what is going on and has the real golden ticket to sweet relief.

But you have to go to Him.

 

I’m putting a question on the table.

19 Mar

So, normally I don’t “beg” my audience for participation – but there are always exceptions right?!

I’m going to put a question on the table, and I’m anxious to hear from as many of you that are willing to share as possible.  I think this is a really big issue and I’m finding that this might just well be the hardest part of respect between a husband and wife, especially through the emails I receive.

I’ve talked in-depth about nagging and playing the Holy Spirit.

These habits can be very disrespectful and cause tension in a marriage.  It’s not wise for women to pester their husbands with requests, expect immediate answers, demand instant change, or punish them because they disagree or don’t “jump” fast enough, or in the right ways.

But there are times when a wife needs to come to her husband and confront sin, or even just address something that may not be “sin” but is a really big concern for her and their marriage.

I don’t care who you are, it’s hard to hear that something you do has hurt someone, or been called out as sin.  I’m not saying we aren’t appreciative and thankful for accountability and help seeing our short-comings, especially if it’s driving a wedge between us and our spouse, however, it isn’t usually an exciting experience.

And I imagine (I’m not a man, so hopefully I’m not miss-speaking here) it’s even harder to know that you’re the spiritual leader of your wife and you want her to respect you more than anyone else on the planet, and she’s bringing light to your sin or saying you’ve hurt her.

Ouch.  I totally get that!!!

So, here’s the question — (and men, I rarely address you, but if you’d weigh in…. you could be of HUGE value here!!!!!!)

How can a wife confront sin, or let her husband know something he is doing is hurting her or causing her great concern, while still showing him immense unconditional respect?  And, not leaving him feeling like she’s lecturing his behavior?

Are men prone to feel lectured just because they are being called out, no matter how respectful she is being?

I have my own opinions on this…. but I really want to hear from all of you.

Women — have you faced this?  What happened? How did you handle yourself?  How did your husband react?

The challenge to refrain from judgment.

11 Jan

No matter who you are, I am 100% confident you’ve run into this issue in your life.  And not only run into it, I am going to take a bold stance here and say that you’ve been on the giving and receiving end of this issue.  Which puts us all in the same boat.  If I’m wrong on this, and this post offends you, please accept my apology before hand — but I have never met anyone yet who has informed me this wasn’t true for them.

I’m going to talk about the reality of having and/or running into someone who has a very strong opinion or conviction about something in their life – and how we handle it and how they handle it.

Incase you’re having a hard time pulling together what I’m talking about, I’m going to give you the top issues where I believe this happens most frequently in the lives of Christians – Immunizations, Education Options, Modest dress, Alcohol consumption, Entertainment choices, Homosexual Lifestyle, and Worship Style.

I’m going to guess as you read through those, you have a preference, opinion, or conviction on them AND you can also think of someone or something that angers you on that topic because of their dogmatic approach or view.

It’s really hard to feel such a strong conviction either supported firmly in Scripture, or just by personal opinion after prayer and study and not feel like anyone who disagrees is simply dead wrong.

It’s also VERY hard not to want to help educate everyone we come in contact with about why we feel the way we feel, and hopefully “win them over” by expressing our point of view.  After all, we feel intensely passionate about our decisions, especially if we reached them after prayer.  How could they not possibly be the right answer for everyone?

If we’re honest – what is more confusing and upsetting than for two Christians to sit across the table from each other and say, “after counsel, prayer and searching Scripture, we are positive this is the direction the Lord is calling us” and they both announce opposite answers.

How can this be?

Yet, often times,  we neglect to see our own dogmatic stances and can become quickly judgmental of other “lesser Christians” for making spiritually immature choices.

But — we never miss the dogmatic stances of others.  And we take such rapid fire offense when we’re:

– Presented another option. (You know, the “I’m coming to you in love” conversation where they simply just want to tell you all the “positive” things about their choice and give you something to consider.)

– Challenged in our beliefs. (When someone comes right out and says – you’re wrong.)

Why is it that we feel such a deep need for everyone to “choose what we choose” in life?   Honestly, lets cut the fluffy ways to say it… that’s what we’re doing.

We don’t share what works for us WITHOUT being asked because we’re just sharing our success. (There is a BIG difference between being asked about a choice you’re making and finding ways to put your opinion on people when not asked.) We’re sharing because we think we’re doing something right and we want others to get it right too.

Is it a desperate attempt to confirm that we really are hearing from God?  Are we not confident enough in our own calling that we attempt to get as many other people on board as we possibly can because it only serves to confirm our choice?

We’re guilty friends.  We’re guilty of searching and seeking for like-mindedness to appease our own beliefs.  We write and read articles that appeal to our pallet of preference.  We seek counsel from those who make the same life style choices.  And we find peace in agreeing with others.

I’m not trying to say “we’re guilty” in a way that brings condemnation.  I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong to seek the counsel of those who believe what you believe.  It is actually wise if you’re seeking the counsel of other Bible believing Christians.

However, I just want to give us some food for thought on how we advertise our lives.

I have a friend and I admire her deeply.  She doesn’t even know how much I admire her. But, I watch her approach to life and her spirit blesses and challenges me.

She never gives her opinion unless she’s asked.  And she always does so in a VERY loving and non-judgmental way.  She and I do not agree on everything and it has never once been an issue of contention between us.  She doesn’t lessen her friendship or love for those who do things differently than she does… and IF she struggles with judging others for making choices against her own convictions, I’ve never once see an ounce of that from her.  She has a very peaceful, gentle and quiet spirit about her that trusts deeply that God leads and convicts His children without her “vocal” assistance being forced in any way.  That doesn’t mean she believes God will not use her to speak to others in a way that may convict them, but she never feels the need to take that into her own hands.  She has total faith that the decisions they make in their family through prayer and scripture are right without seeking to prove it from thrusting them on everyone else.  Her love and friendship is not conditional.  Her convictions do not need approval from others.  And she doesn’t pick up offense when others do things differently.

She is a true Proverbs 31 woman in my book, and I hope to keep refining my character to resemble hers.

Practical Application:

Do some reflecting on how you present your convictions and accept the convictions of others.

1.) Do you offer your opinion even when you’re not asked?

2.) Do you seek to get people to agree with your choices?

3.) Do you feel like people are less Christian when they make choices that are different from choices you make?

4.) Are you offended easily when people push their convictions on you?

((To my friends who are doing the 21 day fast with me…. how are you doing?  You can email if you’d like too – gulickfamily@hotmail.com))

 

 

We bring the Kingdom come.

11 Dec

I think I’ve told you here before that a few years ago I was taught through scripture what spiritual gifts are and when they are given – and it changed everything about my walk with the Lord.  The moment you are saved and the Holy Spirit explodes inside of you specific gifts given with the intent for you to complete the body of Christ on Earth, and you discover what those gifts are, your entire life mission changes.

In the same way that Paul was a Christian killer and then suddenly was an apostle who started the early church.

And how Barnabas was the encourager who refuted arguments among believers and strengthened their confidence in their ministries.

And how Peter had discernment that could ONLY be given by God in that he knew that Ananias and Sapphira were lying about the amount of money they brought forward and they fell dead instantly.

The majority of Christians live their entire lives not knowing what their spiritual gifts are and never strengthen or use them.

Gifts are just like a muscle.  If you want it to grow, you exercise it and practice using it in the correct ways.  If you were given the gift of incredibly strong legs, but you choose to never walk – your legs would be weak and unproductive to the body.  If you were given the gift of strong sight, but kept your eyes closed, your eyes would be useless to the body.

The same if true of our spiritual gifts and our effectiveness to the body of Christ.

If you are given the gift of teaching, but you never teach anyone – you are wasting your gift to make the body of Christ productive and functionally fully.  If you are given the gift of hospitality but refuse to be hospitable to those you’d rather not be, your gift only gets exercised with light weights and it’ll never grow becoming all it was meant to be.

My gifts are Mercy and Teaching.

When I first discovered this, I flounder in learning to use them both.  Teaching was a piece of cake for me.  But mercy, well, I only wanted to be merciful to those I wanted to be merciful to by my own choosing.

My gift was weak and unexercised. I started to challenge myself to ask God to grow this gift, and to help me die to myself in the process.

This incredible thing happened — the people I felt the least merciful toward in my life kept coming to mind and kept crossing my path.

It reminds me of something I heard on the radio this past week (not an exact quote because I can’t remember it perfectly, but you’ll get the idea.)

– I asked God for courage, so He led me into a dangerous situation.

– I asked God for contentment, so He allowed for a season where I was unemployed.

– I asked God for patience, so He provided a season of waiting.

– I asked God for forgiveness, so He brought to mind someone I hadn’t forgiven.

That’s powerful right?! We don’t miraculously obtain everything we ask God for — we grow our faith in Him by practicing and exercising that faith in the world we live.

I started to really develop the gift of mercy when I came face to face with my past a couple of years ago.  I have a rap sheet that’s pretty horrible.  I ran away from it the best I could…. but it always followed me somehow.  And it usually came in the form of someone not letting me forget by their actions that I was “known for who I really was, hated, mocked and not worthy of love.”

It’s very hard to let go of your past, when others won’t.

But, I had to start coaching my mind with the truths from scripture.  God truly had forgiven me as far as the east is from the west.  He created in  me a clean heart and renewed a right spirit within me.  He had called me from the mire and put my feet on Holy ground. He made me a co-heir in the kingdom of Heaven and gave me spiritual gifts to bring that kingdom to Earth.

I had been shown great mercy.  And so, I longed through  my gift to show great mercy.

Maybe your rap sheet isn’t as bad as mine, so your feeling like you haven’t had to be forgiven for much, leaves you with a lack compassion – mercy – and forgiveness for others because they are way worse than you, and you’d never do what they have done.

But maybe just maybe, you’re like me — and you know exactly what you’ve done in this life that Jesus had to die on that cross for, and you’re ready to find out what your spiritual gifts are, and get busy bringing the kingdom come.

The words of this song just pierced my heart this morning — so I’ll share them here.

Sitting at the stoplight
He can’t be bothered by the heart cry
Written on the cardboard in her hands
Oh, but when she looks him in the eye
His heart is broken, open wide
And he feels the hand of God reach out through him
As heaven touches earth

Oh, we bring the kingdom come
Oh, with every act of love
Jesus, help us carry You
Alive in us, Your light shines through
With every act of love
We bring the kingdom come

There’s silence at the table
He wants to talk but he’s not able
For all the shame that’s locked him deep inside
Oh, but her words are the medicine
When she says they can begin again
And forgiveness will set him free tonight
As heaven touches earth

Oh, we bring the kingdom come
Oh, with every act of love
Jesus, help us carry You
Alive in us, Your light shines through
With every act of love
We bring the kingdom come

God put a million, million doors in the world
For His love to walk through
One of those doors is you
I said, God put a million, million doors in the world
For His love to walk through
One of those doors is you

Oh, we bring the kingdom come
Oh, with every act of love
Jesus, help us carry You
Alive in us, Your light shines through
With every act of love
We bring the kingdom

Click here to listen to it now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4bB7BUxBbY

Practical Application –

Whatever God speaks to you… go with that.

Seeking Advice

10 Oct

I don’t think it comes as any surprise to anyone that I think it’s wise to be honest and real. Why? Because of this:
Isolation is dangerous! When we’re in the darkness, or our sins/struggles/temptations are hidden, we become VERY susceptible to Satan’s attacks.  It is only when we bring light to these issues that we can be free, get help, find healing, move forward and tap into the power of the body of Christ as a whole.

That being said, I’d like to give my take on seeking counsel.

But before I do that — can I just clear the air?  I don’t care how spiritual you are, how long you’ve walked with the Lord, how often you read your Bible, how many Bible studies you’ve attended or lead, or how great of a Christian you are……  WE ALL FACE CONFLICT, DISAPPOINTMENT WITH OTHERS, BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS, HURT FEELINGS and DRAMA.

We may not all have the same amount, handle it all in the same way, or allow it to have the same amount of control and power in our lives — but none of us is exempt from these truths!

I’ve grown so much in the last two years in how I handle this stuff.  These things don’t have as much power over me as before, except, when it comes to my husband.

As much as I love him, focus on the amazing things about him (because that list IS very, very long) and appreciate the good gifts that come from him being male…..

it’d be a total lie if I didn’t also admit that I still have a long list of things I wish he was doing, that bug me about him, and that I detest about him being male.

And as much as he’s my go-to man who listens to me, walks me through all my situations with wisdom and godly counsel — he is just not the person I go to about, well, HIM.

And this is where the rest of this post comes into play…..

Above all else, these things that I struggle with need to be taken to God, daily.  Only God has the power to change my husband, or change me in those times where I’m expecting my husband to change in an area where it’s really ME who needs to change (that’s happened numerous times!) There is no human on earth that is going to change my husband.  But God can.

However, there are still times when the isolation leaves you feeling like you can’t deal with your own thoughts and feelings and it’s affecting your actions no matter how much you try not to let it.  And in that instance, it’s wise to seek godly counsel.

My main point about isolation can most definitely be taken WAY too far. While I fully believe that it’s not only a good idea but that it’s spiritually beneficial to seek counsel on issues in life, that certainly does not mean telling our thoughts to everyone who will listen.  We don’t need the advice of 10 people, especially if those people are not the kind of people who seek to point us to wise, godly advice.

That is sure easy to do when we’re hurt or sinned against.  Something inside us seeks to tell our side of the story, make sure everyone knows the real truths about the other person involved, and relish in the onslaught of “you shouldn’t put up with that crap” comments that are sure to come.

But the advice off the ungodly, spiritually immature, or person too close to the situation is never the advice that leads to freedom and healing.

While it might feel good for a moment, it always does more damage and hurts more later on.

It doesn’t matter how much time passes — the consequences of our actions always catch up to us.

Sometimes it’s a safe place to seek the counsel of a male pastor or spiritual mentor – however (and I’m fully prepared for people to disagree with me, this is MY opinion) I do not think it’s wise to seek male counsel, EVEN IF it’s from a pastor, when the topic is your husband or your marriage without the inclusion of your spouse going along.

As I’ve shared here before, it’s sure easy to start to admire godly qualities in someone else, especially if part of the problem is that you feel like godly qualities are missing from your own spouse.

I do think scripture tells us in Titus 2:3-5 that older women are to teach/train younger women, and I think that applies to counsel on all topics.

That does NOT mean that I think you can never talk to your pastor or other male spiritual mentor for wisdom, advise or counsel – I just don’t think it’s wise when the topic is issues about your husband.

Instead of trying to suppress feelings, hurts, sins, temptations, etc. – I think it’s wise to find ONE or TWO mature Christian women, counselors, or other spiritual mentor who you can be honest with and share the ugly, real, scary and damaging thoughts, actions and realities of what’s going on in your mind and heart.

If these women are godly women, they will listen to you, hurt with you, pray with you, and encourage you in your journey to keep working on your own actions and give sound advice for how to keep pressing on when life is just hard.

Practical Application –

If you’re struggling with a hidden temptation, secret, sin, list of disappointments about your husband or another person, ANYTHING that has you trapped in negative feelings and thoughts — find a godly, mature woman to talk to.

And if you don’t have that in your life — email me — gulickfamily@hotmail.com

Having someone to talk to changed my life, and I KNOW it’ll change yours!

Nothing is off-limits — you can always be 100% real and honest with me!

 

I (choose to) love you.

12 Sep

This is going to be one of those painful posts to write and read because it’s going to be brutally honest, raw and real. Why do I bare enough of myself to write these posts?  Because we’re all a lot better off knowing what life really looks like, instead of constantly viewing a bunch of people wearing masks and performing plays for the public eye.

Ready for the truth?

I didn’t love my husband when we got married.

I loved the idea of being someone’s world, being the princess in the story, feeling like someone was going to romantically spoil me for the rest of my life, feeling safe, feeling fulfilled, feeling accomplished, feeling – well – gushy, mushy, adoring feelings from the exciting process of dating and planning a wedding.

That’s not to say I didn’t care for him, and have intimate feelings toward him.  Of course I did.  But love?  I was so clueless and didn’t even know it.  By the world’s definition, I would have SWORE I was MADLY in love with him.  And if love really means, “Finding someone who makes you feel like a million dollars” then well, I guess I did love him.

But once you say “I do” and REAL LIFE happens – you don’t always feel like a million bucks.  In fact, you start to figure out that this incredible, handsome, funny and romantic person can really be a shallow, mean, and selfish man.  And if you think this is some sort of husband bashing session – think again.  If I could describe for you what he’s went through to live with me… I’d be forced to use profanity because “safe words for children’s eyes” can’t even do it justice.  He’s been to Hell and back living with me.

I know it sounds drastically wrong to say what I’m about to say… but it IS the truth.  I didn’t fall in love with my husband over the last 12 years because of all the good, fun and romantic things we’ve done.  I fell in love with my husband by living out our vows…. all the negative sounding ones.

Hanging together when you’re tapping into the bottom of the financial barrel is what love looks like.

Being forgiven when you’ve been the world’s biggest jerk and you know you totally don’t deserve a second chance (or 100th) is what love looks like.

Forgiving someone who has crushed you in a way you didn’t know anyone ever could, is what love looks like.

Sitting on the side of a bed instead of being at work when the doctor says, “normally it would be too risky to perform surgery but we have no choice… if we don’t, your gall bladder will burst and we’ll lose you and the baby” is what love looks like.

Being so exhausted with a newborn in the house that you can’t even work up enough strength to speak nicely to each other, but going to bed together every night anyway is what love looks like.

Picking up clothes off the floor for 12 years that for some reason, can’t be put into a laundry basket is what love looks like.

Going to work at a job you hate to provide for your family is what love looks like.

Driving a piece of junk vehicle so your spouse can have the better one is what love looks like.

Packing his lunch every day is what love looks like.

((Take time to stop right here – grab a piece of paper, and keep going.  What does REAL love look like in your marriage?))

I’m not saying that coming home with flowers, cuddling on the couch watching movies, attending a sporting event together, and holding hands on a walk isn’t love.  It absolutely can be.

However, and this is the part that the world misses, it can’t JUST be that – or it’s not love…. it’s lust.

It’s easy to “love” someone who is lusting over you.

It’s hard to love someone who is living every day life, values sleep because of the job they must keep to provide for the family, and doesn’t have the time or energy to stay up on the phone all night long saying “no, you hang up first.”

And let’s be honest.  We all secretly wish we could have that life long experience of being lusted over.

I still find myself broken over not being loved in the romantic ways of my dreams.  Just two weekends ago I spent an hour crying my eyes out because what I think would be so simple to speak love to me, my husband is oblivious to – EVEN THOUGH I’ve spelled it out in about one thousand and fifteen conversations over the years.

It would sure be easy in those moments to say – “I want out. You don’t love me.  You are so selfish.  You don’t listen to me.  You don’t even try.  You don’t care.  I’m trapped.  You’re a dead beat of a husband.”

But that’s not true.  My husband doesn’t show his love for me in just the ways I desire to be swooned over.  He shows love to me every day living life with me, putting me first, providing for us, fathering our children, coming home right after work, listening to me talk, and a million other choices he makes every single day.

You don’t have to be married long to face this truth – either it’s time to give up on love and assume “you fell out of it” or realize that REAL love is hardly attainable before you live your life together and you’re going to choose to keep working at it.

Love is a verb.  It’s a choice.  It’s an action.

If we desire to be choosy — we should be a WHOLE lot more choosy BEFORE marriage instead of after.

Don’t misunderstand what I’m about to say – but hear the truth in this statement.

I could have been a lot more choosy in finding a husband.  I could see differences, but I threw that to the side assuming he’d change because I was smitten over his lustful eyes for me.  (And I don’t just mean sexual advances.) When I say lustful eyes, I mean – his longing for a serious relationship, his excited attitude about spending time with me, his willingness to talk all night long, his constant compliments and long glances, the whole “I’m totally attracted to you” shebang.

I was smitten – hook, line and sinker.  I don’t regret it.  He’s a good man.

But – I hardly have room to complain that he’s not as outgoing as I am.  I knew that.

Or that he doesn’t have a close relationship with his family.  I knew that too.

Or that he didn’t shower me with gifts, love notes, and special events because I also knew that.

Or the secret hidden list that I rarely ever talk about with anyone but God of all the things I wish he did, said or cared about to fulfill all my dreams.

He’s a male, and he’s a type C personality — so he probably doesn’t have an organized list, nor could he sit and randomly rattle off a bunch of things he wishes I would or wouldn’t do — but those things show up too in different moments on his face.

I hurt him.  I disrespect him sometimes.  I fail to fulfill him in all the ways that would make his dreams come true.

But he chooses every day to love me.

And I love him right back.

Because we both know, love is about giving – not about getting.

And because we are making that choice, we actually will live happily ever after.

Practical Application –

Admit the false lies the world has spent millions of dollars plastering everywhere that love is a romantic feeling and if it’s missing, your spouse (fiancé, boyfriend) is a dead beat.

Make a list of what real love looks like in your marriage.

Talk it out.  Thank each other for making the choice to love daily and for never giving up…. even when it feels like there’s move giving than getting in rough seasons.

 

Teaching Moments…

29 Aug

Last night, I took my oldest with me to Walmart. He’s 8 1/2 and in third grade. For some reason, I have no idea why, as we were pulling out of the drive way, I said “Hannah Montana.”
To which my son said, “You know mom, I didn’t know Hannah Montana was like she is.”

I asked him, “what do you mean?” He said, “she wasn’t wearing any clothes and was dancing around on stage.”

I asked him, “who told you that?” (Assuming he heard it as school.)

He said, “I saw it on TV. When I was in the playroom, it came on. After she took off her clothes, I stopped watching. But there are pictures of her on the yahoo page on the internet.”

Feeling completely mortified that he had seen it, plus that he has access to television channels that show that stuff, yet really proud that he stopped watching it, I said – “She’s naughty isn’t she?”

We had a good discussion in which I explained Hannah Montana isn’t her real name, and why she is behaving like that, and why we don’t. And I allowed him to share all his thoughts too.

After letting our conversation sit for a minute, he said, “Mom, it wasn’t even enjoyable.” (I knew he was searching for the word entertaining.)

To which I said, “Yeah buddy I know.”

Practical Application.

Don’t freak out on your kids when they tell you what they’ve experienced.
I was totally able to have an awesome conversation with my son letting him know that was wrong behavior and that it was wise to stop watching without punishing him or yelling at him for having had that on in the first place (because that wouldn’t have been a previously approved show by us.)
A disappointment was turned into a fantastic teaching moment, by taking a deep breath and listening instead of reacting.