Tag Archives: Modesty

I believe both are inappropriate.

3 Sep

Have you seen this picture floating around Facebook?

inappropriate

I’d like to suggest why I want to live in an America where BOTH are inappropriate and unacceptable in public.

Should we completely disagree on this issue — I hope that you’ll read this post in its entirety and see if you can at the very least understand my points and where I’m coming from.

*** Let me first state that I nursed all four of my children.  I know what it’s like to have to try to find a private place on demand and to feel grave disappointment to have to miss out of conversations because it’s time for the baby to nurse.

I agree TOTALLY that nursing in a public restroom is DISGUSTING and wrong!  I don’t even like using them quickly myself, let alone – sit in there for 20-30 minutes while trying to feed my child.  YUCK!!

I think all public places should be required by law to have a nursing mother’s room.  It doesn’t have to be huge.  It can have one couch and a lamp.  Just a private and clean place to sit and feed your child.

As far as missing out on social events – that’s tough.  It really is.  I remember sitting in different rooms and crying while I nursed because I was so lonely for adult interaction, and when I had the chance to experience it, I had to leave the room to feed the baby. (Unfortunately, my last two NEVER took a bottle so I had no other options!)

However, I feel it’s necessary to make a pretty bold but needed statement here.  The world doesn’t revolve around me (or you).  And it doesn’t revolve around our babies either.

We live and function as an entire human race – and we can all try to be entitled to everything we choose; but pretty soon, our entitlements start clashing with each other, and we can’t all have everything we want.

We live in an America where women say things like this:

How DARE you tell me that *I* have to leave a room to feed my child.  If you don’t like it… YOU leave the room.  Jerk.

May I make some suggestions as to why that is not an acceptable attitude?

1.) Married sex is totally natural.  It’s acceptable and appropriate for a husband and wife to see each other completely naked and to enjoy every part of intercourse.

Because it’s natural, should married couples have sex in public places?

I can even make it less “bold” if you will.

Urinating is completely natural and normal.  Should we put a toilet in the middle of every room and stop having a separate room for a restroom?

Just because something is natural and normal does NOT mean it should be done in public.

2.) Private parts are private parts.  Even if they are being used for a normal and natural function.  Just like with the ideas of sex and urinating … it is never acceptable to see a man’s penis in public.  Even if he’s using it for a healthy and good purpose.  So why is it OK to see a woman’s breast in public?

Private parts are called “private” because they should be seen in PRIVATE.  Spouses, infants and medical professionals are all acceptable people to see private parts.  Family members, friends and strangers do not fall into that category.

3.) Nursing covers are a help, but they are not a “good” solution.

I always appreciate when a woman at least uses a cover.  However, we know that men are visual and a thin cloth does very little to make them feel comfortable.

Many women who are pro-breast feeding in public, and confusingly still pro- modesty.  I personally think that’s hypocritical.  If you think wearing a short skirt leaves little to the imagination,  so does a thin cloth that still creates an obvious atmosphere for what is still taking place.

Like it or not, breasts are sexual. Even if you’re a mother.

A nursing cover doesn’t create an out of mind out of sight mindset.  It creates an obvious temptation for someone to be forced to avoid.

4.) Just because something doesn’t bother you – doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother someone else.  We don’t have the authority to tell others what bothers them and what they need to find acceptable.

We are taking away their freedoms and putting them in a prison of our own preferences.

Would anyone find it acceptable to force someone to watch a lion tear apart the flesh of a zebra while hearing it screech in pain?  It’s the circle of life.  It’s normal and natural.  It’s a beautiful thing. You’re an ignorant fool if you don’t enjoy this aggressive hunting nature.

The truth is, some people do find the circle of life a beautiful thing.  But others are mortified by the death of animals in any fashion.

It’s not possible for us to define lines of acceptable for other people.  And it’s not a Christ-like attitude to be so indignant about our own agenda that we name-call or shove others feelings off as offensive.  Christ desired us to watch our actions and beware that we don’t cause our brothers to stumble.  EVEN IF that means denying something for ourselves that we might otherwise have no problems with when we’re in their company.

If the nursing season is just a season – and we are to show love to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ…. why not use our private parts in private just to be safe?  It’s really nobodies business to watch a child nurse.  Even if it’s a wonderful thing to do (which it is) and it’s natural (which that can’t be denied) and it’s beautiful to some (which to most mother’s who nurse – it totally is!) – that doesn’t mean we are entitled to do it whenever and wherever we want to.

Practical Application –

Think about the implications it brings for every other normal and natural thing that should be kept in private to be allowed in public.

Take the challenge to view life as if it’s all about Christ and loving everyone, and not all about  me.

** Whenever I take a hard stand on something, I always welcome all points of view.  Please feel free to agree or disagree in the comments section as long as you can do so without name-calling or cruel intentions.  Make your points about the topic, not against the author or commenters.

Modesty

22 May

MODESTY is actually quite bigger than I feel I can tackle.

Why?  Because it’s very uncommon for even two people to agree completely.  Even if they are relatively on the same page, there are often even minor details that they slightly waiver on.  And the reason behind that is simply this:

1. we all struggle in different areas

2. we all view scripture through our ability to understand and interpret it (I believe, scripture says this is given by God)

3. we are all surrounded by men of different opinions.

All men are visual. But that sentence does not mean that all men equally struggle with the same visual temptations.

I will go so far as to say this, even two men who struggle with pornography addiction, may very well struggle with different stimulation from different images.

As much as I’d love to write some hard and fast rules that clear up this issue and make it a non-issue in our culture, or at the very least, in the church – I simply can’t.

For example, a man once said to me, I struggle greatly with collar bones.  I don’t know why, but it brings forth intense sexual stimulation.  Should all women be forced and required to wear turtle necks so I am not tempted to stumble?

I also recently had a conversation in which we discussed how two women in a bikini can walk into a room and if one is inviting, flirtatious, and vocal and the other is quiet, reserved and avoids attention – the first will get more attention.  As well as, if two girls are dressed in a long skirt and modest top but have the same attitudes I just described, the first girl is still going to get a lot of attention – and inappropriate attention.

The point?  Modesty IS NOT all about what you wear.  In fact, it’s MORE about the condition of your heart first, followed by how you represent that condition with your actions. 

Out of the heart flows behavior.

So where really is the line?  And honestly, is there a line?

Lately, I’ve seen, read and heard quite a bit of discussion on the topic of women wearing skirts.

The debates are large and broad.  I can’t even write them all here without taking up WAY too much space and time.  I will however write some of the statements to show just what I’m talking about. ((THESE STATEMENTS ARE NOT ALL MINE NOR DO I AGREE WITH THEM ALL))

– Skirts make women more feminine and thus separate the sexes appropriately.

– Skirts help women to remember to be feminine and submissive to men.

– Skirts help to remove visual temptation for men.

– Skirts are only appropriate when they are floor length.

– Skirts can be worn from the mid-calf down.

– Skirts can be worn from the knee down.

– Some activities are not appropriate to wear a skirt.

– Some men see a skirt and immediately just see “easy access” and stumble more quickly.

– Jeans and pants are designed to put all the emphasis on the butt and crotch.

– Skirts that are made of spandex or cotton even if floor length hug the hips and butt revealing just as much as a pair of pants.

– Only skirts made of denim or wool are appropriate to not show any curves or figure.

– It is our responsibility to help keep men from stumbling.

– We can’t control men’s thoughts.  It’s less about what a woman wears and more about the man’s heart.

– Women in skirts get more attention from men than when in pants, especially in our culture where most women wear pants.

– Christian women are supposed to stand out and be different.

 

You get the idea.  What’s a person to do when they are bombarded with all the opinions and arguments???

 

Here is my SUGGESTIONS to you.  I am NOT implying what I write here is authoritative over anyone!  But I hope this will help.

Practical Application:

1.) Pray.  And no, I don’t mean pray one time.  Commit to praying for an entire month.  I’d even offer that you fast during that time as well.  Ask God to open your eyes to what HE SEES as modest and immodest.  Ask Him to remove your opinions, ideas, fears, and anxieties and just help you look around and in scripture to more clearly define what your responsibilities are to other Christian men, to the women of the world, to your husband, your children, and to Him.

2.) Ask your husband (brothers/father/male-head in your life) what they think of your current wardrobe.  EVEN if it’s all skirts.  Try on a few things. Even bathing suits.  EXPECT HONEST FEEDBACK and take it seriously.

3.) Try on your wardrobe for yourself and look in the mirror.  If you ever say “I wonder if this is OK” – It’s not.  That is a hard and fast rule I live by in many areas of my life.  (Side note – I tell unmarried couples that all the time.  If they ask, is this too far – then it’s too far.)  I believe that question comes from the Holy Spirit giving us conviction because it causes us to stop and think.

4.) Evaluate and also ask those same people from above to give you honest feedback about your heart attitude.  Are you modest or immodest in the way you walk, talk, approach others, behave, interact, and communicate.

5.) Be willing to accept the results of the above four steps.  It might mean you’re on the right track.  It might reveal that you need to throw some things away or go shopping for some new things.  Or it might mean you need to evaluate your heart for modesty issues and not even your wardrobe at all.