Tag Archives: questions

I’m putting a question on the table.

19 Mar

So, normally I don’t “beg” my audience for participation – but there are always exceptions right?!

I’m going to put a question on the table, and I’m anxious to hear from as many of you that are willing to share as possible.  I think this is a really big issue and I’m finding that this might just well be the hardest part of respect between a husband and wife, especially through the emails I receive.

I’ve talked in-depth about nagging and playing the Holy Spirit.

These habits can be very disrespectful and cause tension in a marriage.  It’s not wise for women to pester their husbands with requests, expect immediate answers, demand instant change, or punish them because they disagree or don’t “jump” fast enough, or in the right ways.

But there are times when a wife needs to come to her husband and confront sin, or even just address something that may not be “sin” but is a really big concern for her and their marriage.

I don’t care who you are, it’s hard to hear that something you do has hurt someone, or been called out as sin.  I’m not saying we aren’t appreciative and thankful for accountability and help seeing our short-comings, especially if it’s driving a wedge between us and our spouse, however, it isn’t usually an exciting experience.

And I imagine (I’m not a man, so hopefully I’m not miss-speaking here) it’s even harder to know that you’re the spiritual leader of your wife and you want her to respect you more than anyone else on the planet, and she’s bringing light to your sin or saying you’ve hurt her.

Ouch.  I totally get that!!!

So, here’s the question — (and men, I rarely address you, but if you’d weigh in…. you could be of HUGE value here!!!!!!)

How can a wife confront sin, or let her husband know something he is doing is hurting her or causing her great concern, while still showing him immense unconditional respect?  And, not leaving him feeling like she’s lecturing his behavior?

Are men prone to feel lectured just because they are being called out, no matter how respectful she is being?

I have my own opinions on this…. but I really want to hear from all of you.

Women — have you faced this?  What happened? How did you handle yourself?  How did your husband react?

What’s the story on “My Demon” now?

7 Mar

Do you remember the post I wrote titled “My Demon” from September 21, 2012?  I was just over a month into my new respect journey when this revelation kicked me in the gut. (If you’ve joined since then and never caught it, it’ll help to understand this post by reading that one first.)

In fact, that one post was shared on numerous sites (including Peacefulwife – which is when a lot of you who read April’s blog started following this one too!)  I answered a whole lot of emails and comments on this topic because it rang true for just so many of us women.  And it was very evident at the time, I was just “one of you.”  The post wasn’t written by a scholar in the least.  My real, honest emotions and thoughts are what made it relatable to others. And the revelation and wisdom came straight from God – because I’d lived 10 years of marriage at that point (and 29 years of life) running wild with the thoughts and emotions that presented themselves at any given time. And never knew any different.

April sent me an email and asked me what I thought about writing a follow up to “My Demon” – 18 months later.

Here is a sentence from her email:

“I think it would be neat to hear how you hear the demon’s voice now, how often, the intensity, what you do, and how much stronger God’s voice is now and the kinds of things you focus on and think about now.”

I pretty much immediately told her, “I’ll think about it” while in my mind saying – “No way!”  April’s blog is amazing.  It’s eye-opening, full of brilliant wisdom, insightful, helpful, and pointing out deeply painful but necessary truths to helping women change and save their marriages from a lifetime of misery!  But even more than that — it’s hopeful.  Even the things that are hard to read, are hopeful.  Change can happen, my marriage can be better, I can be a better wife, he can open up and lead as these changes take place — there is HOPE for something new!

And the truth?  I don’t think a follow up to “My Demon” is going to offer the hope April normally posts on her blog.

But — maybe, just maybe, there are women out there who are just like me.  And this post might be for you! So, I’ll answer these questions.

(–  how you hear the demon’s voice now, how often, the intensity)

I still hear my demon’s voice loud as ever and ALL THE TIME! He’s still a raging maniac full of accusations and specifics that beg to be entertained.  He knows me full well, and the areas that I’ve learned to shut down permanently are rarely touched and new areas where he wasn’t attacking before, he’s thrown some boulders at wildly.  He’s no joke.  The closer I grow to my husband – the more respect I show my husband – the stronger the spiritual battle.  The bigger threat we are to him, the more desperate he becomes and the more vicious his behavior.

(– what you do, and how much stronger God’s voice is now and the kinds of things you focus on and think about now.”)

I’m back and forth on what I do.  I’m such a sinner.  More often than not, I refuse to entertain the begging thoughts and accusations against my husband.  But sometimes, I still stumble in my flesh and I dabble in the game.  My journey for respect hasn’t magically or quickly removed all my selfishness, expectations, and ability to see all my husbands faults and sins with a magnifying glass. Especially because WE TRULY ARE A BRAND NEW COUPLE, and in ways that I never stumbled before, there are all new ways to tempt me.  Now, my husband does things for me he’s never done before and talks to me in a way we’ve never communicated, and if that seems hindered, it’s even harder not to jump to conclusions or freak out a little bit at the thought of that going away.

I hear God’s voice and I have allowed His truths to change so many of my behaviors and patterns, but I can’t say He’s always screaming louder than Satan.  I have to intentionally be still and silent to hear God and in the middle of my wrestling — some times I feel so wound up I can’t sit still. Even if that just means pacing the floor in frustration while my husband is at work.  It’s still a choice like it was before to go to Him and listen. In my experience, God rarely screams.  Satan however is a beast, and he’s deafening at times.

What I focus on and think of now is being intentional AND unrelenting.  (I talked about this word in January.)  I make an honest attempt at turning my wild thoughts back on myself.  Why do I feel this way?  Am I giving too much weight to my husband’s short-comings and not nearly enough to his strengths and character? How did I handle this situation?  Do I have disrespect to apologize for?  Is what I am tempted to say full of things that will be helpful to us, or hurt us?

At the end of the day — this respect journey has changed my life!  I want every single woman on the planet to read the books I have, read the blogs I have, and see the world in a different way than it’s being portrayed and pounded into us in every direction.

Life is BETTER with respect.  Life is BETTER with God.  Life is BETTER fighting the good fight.

But does this journey ever get easier?  No.  I’m so sorry if that crushes anyone’s hopes.  Maybe your experience will be different from mine.  Or maybe some of you older and wiser women are out there saying “Oh honey, you just haven’t been doing this as long as we have, you need more time.”  And maybe you’re right.  But at this point, I doubt it.

I think Scripture paints a pretty clear picture that walking the straight and narrow will be hard.  Persecution comes, trials come, heartache comes, and we’re all sinners until we cross over to eternal life.

Is there power in the armor of God? You better believe there is!!! When I intentionally get up in the morning and put on every ounce of protection I can muster on my body and mind – God is faithful to give me strength and courage to PRESS ON in the battle.  But He never makes it easier, even though He’s with me.  He only makes it change me by refining me IN the fire.

Is God’s way worth it? Absolutely.  Is God’s way getting easier? No, it’s not.

But I’d never look back.  I’ll keep fighting the good fight and being refined in the fire pressing on toward the prize.  No matter how loud Satan is, how often he attacks, with what intensity he beats me down and no matter how many times I stumble and fall.

Practical Application:

If you’re out there wondering why you’re not a good enough Christian wife because this hasn’t “gotten easier yet?” – STOP IT! That’s still Satan beating you down.

MY belief? The more Satan attacks, the evidence that you’re walking the straight and narrow because he’s threatened.

In the battle…. try so hard to find that still and quiet place so God can refuel your strength, courage, wisdom and power to keep going and resist Satan’s voice.  You can resist… but I doubt he’ll ever shut up.

Don’t promise with words, promise with action. (Part 5 of 5)

24 Feb

If you’ve ended up here without first reading “What is the big deal about sex anyway?” which is part 1 of this series, please stop and go read that first.  It’s important to gather all the information in a series to gain the full benefit and understand where we’ve been and where we’re going.

 If you are in an abusive marriage, a marriage with continual habitual sin (like an addiction or an affair) or have a past that contains sexual abuse or rape, please seek professional help.  This series is not written with the intent to address these exceptional situations, but rather is being written for married Christian couples who are seeking the truth about sex within marriage assuming there are no abusive or habitual sinful behaviors taking place.

I’m going to be addressing three different topics with the title of this post.

Number one:

I know I have some women who are painfully reading through these posts resisting the urge to comment saying “You don’t understand. I’m the one with the higher drive.  And I feel like my husband is rejecting me!”
Um, yes, yes I do understand that.  That describes the first 8 years of my marriage to a science! I haven’t forgotten the pain of that or how frustrating it was.

The truth?  Uh oh… my fingers are trembling because I can see the “unfollow” button being attacked…. I was a really disrespectful wife, and it was hard for my husband to feel intimate and safe with me, not to mention truly desire me daily.  My husband wasn’t flawless in that time either. I’d never say all the marriage issues fall on one spouse.  But, just because that’s true… doesn’t mean any spouse has an excuse to keep walking in sin. We answer to God individually, and no one is getting a pass on the “well ,he did this first” excuse.

I had to address my disrespect, and everything changed when I did.

If you’re at all curious if your husband might have a lower drive than you because he’s feeling disrespected…. please go here now.

Number two:

I also have a group of readers who struggle with gate-keeping and refusal.  This might be due to low-libido, lack of desire because they never orgasm, exhaustion, stress, feeling vulnerable, it’s a weapon or reward for his behavior, or just plain lack of understanding how necessary sex is in marriage because they don’t feel like they need it.

Sometimes they promise to do better, and they really do want to do better…. yet they never really do better at all.

If you’re in that group of women…. please go here now.

Number three:

For the rest of the women out there — you fall into the group of women who desire sex in your marriage both for his pleasure and your pleasure, yet you still struggle with inhibitions somewhere.  Maybe in what you want to try, how you look naked, or just taking that first step to do some of the things we’ve mentioned in this series or that you were able to read about by clicking on those links I’ve been adding…. but turning it into action is a stumbling block.

I totally get it.

I would never suggest trying everything new in one night.  It actually would be too overwhelming for both of you.  Remember, this is about your sex life for the rest of your marriage. Not just one experience.

Take very small steps, and get comfortable with something new seeing if it was a huge benefit, or if it was just so-so and decide if you want to expand on it, or skip it and go to something else.

This is my suggested action plan.

Step 1:

Have a talk outside the bedroom.  When you’re both fully dressed, unexposed, and in good spirits.  (Don’t try to bring this up when either of you is exhausted, in the middle of a stressful situation, or right after an argument.)

Ask your husband a few questions.

Maybe like – what is your favorite thing that I currently do in the bedroom?  Do you like (or would you like) if I made a few more noises and spoke some words about what I enjoy and what I’d like you to do for me? Is there anything you’d like to try that we’ve never tried?  How often do you think about sex?  How many times each week would satisfy your desires? (Be willing to answer his questions if he asks some too!)

Step 2:

Spend some time thinking about what he answered.  You can totally take notes while asking him (that will even show him how interested you are in meeting all his needs and having all yours met too.)

Think about any things he repeated more than once, or what first came out of his mouth.  If it was “I wish I knew if you liked it more.”  Then start focusing on sexy talk.  If it was “I wish you’d perform oral or let me perform oral.” Then start by focusing on what things need addressed for this to be an active part of your bedroom.

Set realistic goals for yourself.  Make a promise to yourself that you’re going to take the first step, and then be a woman of your word and follow through.  I wouldn’t personally suggest making these promises to him or giving him time lines in which you’ll start anything because as I’ve said many times, this isn’t a race nor is it good for either of you to have pressure over your heads.

Step 3:

Pray. Well, that seems unchristian for you to put pray as step 3.  Don’t misunderstand, I would definitely encourage praying before every step…. but THIS step is crucial before moving on and has to be addressed purposefully because I believe it’s very important to pray SPECIFICALLY and not just generically. Once you’ve talked to your husband and you’ve written down areas where you can grow and explore, ask God to bless your marriage bed IN THESE AREAS.  Be bold before the throne.  God created sex, there is nothing to hide from Him.  Ask Him to help you and your husband unlock and discover every ounce of pleasure He intended in your sex life with each other and then expect God to answer you.  Ask Him for courage to try new things, and a heart to desire and love every concept you’re agreeing to try that you might have reservations about right now.

Step 4:

Follow through.

I think you’ll be surprised by the freedom God will unlock, the pleasure it’ll bring to both of you, the changes it will make OUTSIDE of your bedroom, and how you’ll experience this crazy new intimacy that you didn’t even know you were missing.

Practical Application:

Slow and steady – don’t overwhelm or stress yourself out.

But resolve to make a first step.  And then a second.

Actions have and always will speak louder than words — SHOW HIM you want to make all his dreams come true instead of just promising you do with your words.  I really, truly believe you’ll be surprised how much it meets needs and changes things for YOU too!

If you have questions, concerns or comments and don’t want to post publicly, feel free to email me at gulickfamily@hotmail.com and we can chat privately.

Exemption was never a promise.

9 Feb

There is this belief that Christians choose to believe in God for the hope of a cushy life.  As if, believing in God all the sudden makes one exempt to disease, poverty, hunger, heartache and death.

If God’s purpose for us on Earth was to follow Him so we had a free pass in which we’d avoid all consequences of sin on Earth, we would never gain the wisdom of our eternal existence.  And without eternal existence….there would have been no reason for Jesus to go to the cross.  And if Jesus didn’t go to the cross, we wouldn’t even be reconciled to God in the first place, so His creation of us would have no real relevance in our life on Earth at all.

Eternal existence changes everything about our life on Earth.  Without Heaven and Hell, moral law has no relevance. In that case, we’d only love God if that guaranteed our life on Earth was abundant and free from anything bad. Otherwise, we might as well do whatever we want. Right?

The truth is, we are eternal beings.  Through sin, we are separated from God for all eternity, while on Earth and when we die.  Because of God’s great love for us, He sent Jesus to be a once for all blood sacrifice to reconcile us back to Him. For all those who understand their sin and need for a Savior, forgiveness and redemption is available at any moment! Once saved, a believer spends their life running after truth by loving God and loving others.

No exemption is offered in the plan of salvation.  The promise is that through it all, God will be glorified and the gospel will advance.  Those who love God, willingly lay down their lives – no matter what, with unshakable joy because anything that happens to us in this life will all pass away, and will be counted as loss compared to eternally being with our Creator.

Believers in God fall into three categories:

1.) Those who believe in a God…. but pick and choose their own moral law and essentially define who God is for themselves. They don’t usually attend church or read Scripture. But they quote things they’ve heard that they like.

2.) Those who believe in God and worship frequently (through church, prayer and some study) when life is good, but when the storms come, they fall away in disappointment that they weren’t exempt to the disappointments of life on Earth.

3.) Those who believe in God, and run hard after knowing Him for who He tells us He is in Scripture, and trust His moral law is good and just since He created us into existence in the first place.  Even when that means dying to the desires of our flesh, and facing situations in life that we don’t want to face or feel God should change on our behalf.

My friend Karina is a # 3 believer. She’s in her early 30’s, married and has three girls ages 8, 6, and 3. Four years ago she found out that she was facing total kidney failure.  She received a transplant on March 17th, 2011 from her older sister, almost three years ago.  A good kidney transplant should last 8-10 year (maybe longer!) She is now back in the hospital and received the news that her kidney is in rejection and even if the process is slowed, it can’t be stopped.

In the midst of all the human emotions, she will tell you with bold clarity that God is still good and His love is a promise she’d never trade, even if it meant immediate health. Because she knows, this life is NOT all there is to live for.  And that through every situation we face, her character is being refined and molded into the image of Christ and the gospel will advance.

For those of you reading along who know and love Karina personally (and to those of you reading along who know someone else who loves Christ and is up against a situation that seems so unfair) the best gift we can offer is obviously prayer.  The second best gift, is to advance the gospel.  No suffering is ever in vain when lives are turned to Christ.  Karina’s legacy and unshakable joy is passed on through us, in sharing the story and truth.  She was guaranteed no exemptions in this life, and yet, that changes nothing about her faith.  No matter what she’s called to face, the prize is eternity with Christ.

When your eyes are opened to eternal existence, you can’t help but fall in love with Jesus for being the Savior of us all, facing death on a cross.  Even if we were never given another blessing from God (which is NEVER the case, He blesses us all daily) that single act alone is the greatest gift we could EVER be given.

Take a look at the lyrics of this song “I will follow” by Vertical Church Band, and then listen along.

When the sea is calm and all is right
When I feel Your favor flood my life
Even in the good, I’ll follow You
Even in the good, I’ll follow You

When the boat is tossed upon the waves
When I wonder if You’ll keep me safe
Even in the storms, I’ll follow You
Even in the storms, I’ll follow You

I believe everything that You say You are
I believe that I have seen Your unchanging heart
In the good things and in the hardest part
I believe and I will follow You
I believe and I will follow You

When I see the wicked prospering
When I feel I have no voice to sing
Even in the want, I’ll follow You
Even in the want, I’ll follow You

When I find myself so far from home
And You lead me somewhere I don’t wanna go
Even in my death, I’ll follow You
Even in my death, I’ll follow You

When I come to end this race I’ve run
And I receive the prize that Christ has won
I will be with You in Paradise
I will be with You in Paradise

Practical Application:

What kind of believer are you?

How are you being apart of advancing the gospel when you or the ones you love are facing those moments we all define as “why do bad things happen to good people?”

Non-Christians don’t stop the gospel

1 Feb

If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times — humans who do not believe in God are not stopping the gospel from advancing.  In fact, most of them, even if what seems like intense resistance, are open to hearing, reading and investigating religion and especially Christianity.  They contemplate and think about life more than they let you believe they do.  What comes out of their mouth is not very often a direct reflection of the battle that is really going on in their heart and mind.

The only people who stop the gospel from advancing are those who claim to be Christians and yet, blasphemy the written word of God by using the name of God from the Bible to be a deity they believe in, however, really don’t believe or live by the authority of Scripture at all and simply create their own moral law and try to confuse people that they really follow God’s moral law.

Unfortunately, these people often get a lot of attention because they say things non-believers want to hear.

“You don’t have to repent of sins. We all sin daily and fall short of God’s glory.”

“God loves everyone, and He lets all good people go to Heaven.”

“There is no judgment allowed on behavior for God’s children against each other. We are to love, not judge.”

“God wants us to be happy.”

To the uneducated person, it just all sounds so wonderful and hopeful.  And better than what they’ve heard is in scripture.

I don’t recommend reading this whole article because it may seriously be the longest article I’ve ever read in my whole life. But click on it and read some of it.

It’s important  we see that ALL of scripture is true.  Even the verse found in Matthew 7:15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”

Practical Application:

Take everything you see, hear and read and compare it to the infallible Word of God (even EVERY WORD *I* write too!!!)

Remember that just because someone says they believe in God, does not mean they do.  The false Christian is everywhere today.  They use God’s name, and apply their own moral law.

Train for trust.

15 Jan

Last night, I got my first real chance to trust my husband without time to think and prepare.  One year ago, I would have crashed, burned, devastated my husband and hurt our marriage. I’m really thankful this morning that I now have a years worth of training under my belt.

Training?  Yep. You got it. We do not learn new habits or grow in our strength without training.

Just like with the muscles in our physical bodies, we have spiritual muscles as well.  Situations in life are constant opportunities for us to build and strengthen our muscles, or ignore them and allow them to remain weak and unhealthy.

If you were to lay down on a weight bench having never lifted weights before, it is very unlikely you could lift 100 pounds of weight ten times, especially without fatigue or injury.

But if you’ve been strength training for a year, multiple times a week, your chances of succeeding would be much higher and your body would feel conditioned instead of exhausted and sore.

The same is true of our spiritual muscles.  Our love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, trust, forgiveness, and maturity muscles all need exercised and conditioned.

And in marriage, TRUST is a big, big muscle.  Especially for a woman trying hard to be submissive to her husband.  Submissive, that’s a loaded word right?  Actually, no… if you know the Biblical meaning, it’s not really that loaded, at least not in a negative way.

A submissive wife is just a wife who has chosen to honor God and His design for marriage by accepting her husband’s leadership and coming under his protection.  She simply has enough self-control to help her husband instead of compete with him for control.  She is not a doormat or a slave.  She’s an encourager, supporter and friend who trusts God and His design more than herself and her pride.

Submission does not come naturally or easily.  We all need practice. And constant help from the Holy Spirit.  And the best way to practice is to practice on purpose.

Most people don’t strength train their body on accident, or only when situations present themselves.  They intentionally set up a routine and keep their appointments.

The same is true in marriage.

Satan would like to interject here that this is manipulation.  No, it absolutely is not.  There is a VERY REAL DIFFERENCE between manipulation and intent to grow as a God-honoring submissive wife.  And that difference is defined by motive.

So before practicing to grow any spiritual muscle, define your motive.  Do you hope to move closer to God?  Or do you hope to control God, someone or something?

On a personal note, I knew growing my trust muscle was going to be intense work.  Just like trying to flatten a belly after having four kids.  It wasn’t going to magically happen on its own.  Especially because I was a VERY controlling wife.

I, like most women, fell very hard into the feminist preaching that “I am a capable, brilliant and hard-working woman.  My ideas are valid and intelligent, and often better than a man’s.”

So, when interacting with  my husband – I trusted myself and my ideas always as the best option and the safest and most secure choice.

I remember my husband once calling me outside to tell me about a landscaping idea he had.  And what did I do?  Question it.  Why would you do it like this?  Why wouldn’t you do it like that?  Doesn’t this make more sense?  I’d do it like this…..

Truth be told, I couldn’t care less about landscaping!  Why was my gut instinct to do that? Because I had very little trust in my husband to make good choices and to lead me.  And over landscaping?  Yikes!!  I TOLD YOU I had a lot of growing to do.

So how do you practice your trust muscle in your marriage?  Be intentional about asking your husband’s opinion and then trust him.

If you have been untrusting and unsubmissive for a long time, you’re going to have to start small and help your husband find his voice.  Chances are, your husband doesn’t even give you his opinion anymore.  Why would he?  And he may even bulk at being asked and side step your question putting it back on you.

Start small and start safe.  Use five-pound weights and do only a few reps.

Ask him something he definitely has an opinion about.  A really great option is picking his favorite meal and putting it up against something he really doesn’t like.

Would you prefer pizza or meatloaf for supper tonight?  And when he answers say “Ok.”  And then after supper, thank him.  “You know, that was really good pizza tonight.  You made a great choice.  Thanks for helping me decide.”

Everyone appreciates being validated and we’re all encouraged to give our opinions and ideas when they are appreciated.

Then, continue weekly to ask questions that are more challenging for you to trust, and stick to your guns.

The truth is, even if your husband picks wrong or leads you in a direction with a negative consequence, God is sovereign and His design is flawless.  Your husband can only become a better leader by making mistakes and growing in His listening ability to the Lord by the weight of consequences, both good and bad.  He isn’t going to make a decision that removes you from the will of God (unless He asks you to sin, in which case, you should be submissive to Christ first and not sin with him) and God will bless you and your marriage for honoring His design.  You will grow closer to God individually, and as a couple.

As you grow in your trust, your husband will grow in his confidence and leadership.

It will not always be easy.  Like I said when I started this post, last night was hard for me.  But I feel safe with my husband and I know that God will be sovereign over all his decisions.  No matter what happens, I have joy in the Lord knowing that I’m trusting Him, and I’m protecting the unity of my marriage.

Practical Application –

Do you need to start exercising your trust muscle?

Make a list of questions you can start asking your husband and trust his leadership and wisdom.

I know it’s happening, but I don’t see it.

6 Jan

I’m pretty sure this next statement will not be a shock to anyone.  Men are visual.

However, men are not simply “sexually visual” as many assume. They tend to be interested, excited and even taught by visual images concerning every topic in life.  That’s partly why television is even more popular among males than females.

My husband put it well for me the other day by saying, “Think about Jayden (our oldest son, going on 9 years old) when he’s watching football, he is really interested in the game and loves it, but it isn’t long before he jumps up and starts ‘playing’ the game instead of simply sitting and watching.  He is stimulated to get up and play instead of just watch.”

That helps me understand my husband and my boys – SO MUCH BETTER!

However, I’m having a hard time explaining myself and how my mind works (or rather, doesn’t work) visually and I’m posting here to see if anyone out there understands what I’m about to say… or if I am the one person in the world who is, well, like me.

I thought it was a male/female thing, but a couple of years ago, two of my girlfriends told me they were much more like my husband in this than they are like me… so let me do a little explaining.

My mind is not extremely visual, but I have a very vivid memory.

If I would say the name of someone you know well, but they are not in the same room as you, do you immediately picture them in your mind?  Can you not remember what they look like at all?  Or do you remember exactly what they look like, but you don’t see a vivid image of them?

I’m the third option.  I can describe in detail what someone looks like, however, I don’t “see” a picture in my mind.  I remember, but I don’t see images.

The same goes for scenarios that could happen.

My husband and I were talking about things that *might* happen, and he can picture the event unfolding, even if he’s never seen it happen before.

I, on the other hand, imagine what’s happening and zoom in on my emotions about the events and how I would handle things.  I don’t see it happening in my mind, but I can describe a situation and my feelings about it.

Let me give you an example.  “You’re at a baseball game, and your spouse hits a home run.”

Do you see it happening? Are you unable to even fathom something that hasn’t happened?  Or do you understand what would happen, but not visually see it unfold?

The odd thing is, when I dream at night, I can see things.  But I don’t always have to see everything to know what is going on.  For example, I can know I was with someone somewhere, but not actually remember seeing their face.

That really messes with my husband’s head.  It kind of messes with my own head. But that’s how it works.

I am so much more emotionally driven than visually driven.

When I hear something, I will immediately imagine how it makes me feel, or would make me feel if it’s not about me or isn’t actually happening — and then I’ll react to those emotions.

My husband on the other hand, will immediately envision the situation and how it played out or could/would play out if it’s hypothetical.  That doesn’t mean he can’t have emotions, but he’ll picture it first.

It won’t even cross my mind to picture it, because I can’t anyway.

Do you relate to this?  Are you more like my husband or more like me? Are you visually or emotionally driven? Does this help you understand your spouse better? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!